Living the now

For those of you who know me you know that I'm a thinker or I should say I contemplate things. I may read something somewhere or hear someone say something which will lead me to spend the next few days wondering and contemplating what they meant and what might be the answer to it. I have been contemplating a couple of things lately; life and being in the now.

It seems like I've heard about people getting in accidents or having health issues a lot lately and the prognosis has not been good. I've always believed to some extent that we chose how and when we'll die prior to incarnating. I have also read somewhere that you can have up to 3 exit points or 3 times in your life when you may die. These are times that you may have a near death experience or something traumatic may happen to you which forever changes your outlook on life. I also feel that on some level we know the path we're supposed to be leading in our lives but it's a little foggy along with that fogginess comes the when and how we're going to die. Therefore the conclusion for me would be that life for you or I could end at any second so why not enjoy every single moment that you are alive.

Wayne Dyer (shocker I would quote him) talks about the only time you have to live is now. Everything that happened in your past was only a series of "now" moments and everything coming in your future is a series of "now" moments as well therefore the conclusion becomes there is nothing but being in the present moment. Doesn't that feel good? To be free of the past - how liberating is that? We can't turn back time so let's not worry about it.

Was the day I lost Isabella a possible exit point for me? I was told that I lost 40% of my blood volume and that if I hadn't been in the hospital already who knows what would have happened. I'll never be sure if I chose not to die that day but I can say that my outlook on life has definitely changed since then. I would say that I now seize the opportunity to enjoy whatever it is I'm doing and I don't put off until tomorrow as much. Well I do put off housework but not playing with the kids or a tennis match because that allows me to feel good in the now. I do love a clean house and when that's the priority then fixing beds, picking up toys, doing dishes and laundry is what I do.

My friend talks about a near fatal car accident she was involved in that forever changed her life as well. When people tell her they're sorry she had to go through that her answer is she's not. She's actually happy she had that life experience because it allowed her to have an appreciation for what is now.

I feel that living this way will also eliminate a lot of struggles for you. If you enjoy the now rather than having an expectation of how something needs to look then you are also free of those ties. Does expectation lead to disappointment? I would say that it may be true most of the times.

In her book "Life Touches Life" Lorraine Ash talks about how some people who were her friends or family did not show up for her when she lost her daughter at 9 months to a still-birth but how others did come through for her. The people that did show up for her were not the people she was expecting to. She cautions us who have lost babies prematurely that this may also happen. People simply may not know how to react to our situation or don't know what to say. I can definitely say I've experienced this as well. Some of my family members have not called, emailed or sent me a card yet and it's been about 3 months since I lost Isabella. I can't tell you that it doesn't hurt when someone doesn't show up for you but I can also say that I am going to choose to appreciate and enjoy those people who were a huge support for me and still are.

Be in the now - it's the only moment you've got!

I'd love to hear your thoughts. You can email me to mary@marysalfi.com, find me on Facebook or post a comment below.

In the now,
Mary

So ... who am I?

I have been going to a hot yoga class lately which I have been enjoying tremendously. Through all the movement that I do in a hot room, I get to contemplate a lot of what's going on in my life and release that which doesn't suit me anymore. I love doing things that are symbolic in that way. Today's instructor asked the question us the question "Who are you?"

I smiled inwardly because that is something I ask myself and teach about all the time. It is also a question I have blogged about as well. I thought to myself well this is easy today - I know the answer. I have contemplated this question a lot and here it is; I am a person who loves company, who loves being outdoors, I love hanging out with my kids, I love going out to dinner with my husband ... among other things. I realized though that as I was going over those in my head that I am not only that. I am also what I desire to be in the future as well as the person I was when I was 10 years old - that pure being that hadn't had a lot of life experiences yet. This brought up a whole new perspective for me on this question.

Esther Hicks channels an entity called Abraham. The teachings of Abraham are quite amazing. They talk a lot about the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction says if you desire something, desire it and expect that it will come to you then it must come. I thought about that with Isabella a lot. I really did want her to come but she didn't. Does that mean that the Law of Attraction doesn't work or does it mean that for whatever reason this manifestation did not come to fruition in the way I wanted it to.

Wayne Dyer takes it one step further and says if your desire does not manifest then assume that it was for your best. Abraham also takes it one step further by saying that it is ideal if you use the Law of Attraction to hold the intention of manifesting joy into your life. Therefore, if you desire joy, feel that you can attain joy and expect joy to come into your life then it must come. This thought process will then lead you to experience joy in everything you encounter. No longer will you work on manifesting a new car or new job or a relationship rather if what will bring you joy is a new car then it will come into your life and so on. Allow the Universe to give you the gifts that give you the greatest happiness. Allow yourself to receive that ultimate gift of joy.

So ... who am I?

I realized after all this contemplation that who I really am is a very compassionate and happy person. Once I said those words to myself I felt a smile forming on my face and I have carried that feeling ever since. My husband had said those words to me in conversation the other day. I didn't realize that he was giving me a gift of realizing who I am one step further. As a child, I helped everyone I could and as an adult I do the same always with a smile on my face.

What do you think? I'd love to hear from you. You can email me to mary@marysalfi.com, find me on facebook or leave a comment below.

In the spirit of yoga ...
Namaste,
Mary

Inspiration. Where is it?

It seems like I went through a period of being uninspired for a couple of weeks. It just seemed like I was going through the motions of the day; one thing leading to the next without my usual umph for life. I don't really know the cause of it but since I am not one to stay in that mode I decided to do something about it.

For those of you that know me well - you know that I LOVE Wayne Dyer. I never go to Maui without openly hoping that I'll just happen to run into him on the beach. Wayne Dyer is known as the father of inspiration so I thought to myself what better seminar to attend then "Excuses Begone!".

The seminar is about eliminating excuses from your life and to just get on with what it is you desire. I've been reading the book "Excuses Begone!" and that has been shifting a lot of thought processes or mind viruses as Dr. Dyer calls them. Wayne Dyer to me is truly inspiring; his style of lecturing just has a way of seeping into my being and becoming part of it. It has been helping tremendously just reading the book and looking forward to actually being part of the workshop.

The greatest thing about making a choice to become inspired is seeing what experiences have come my way since. Esther Hicks, who channels an entity known as Abraham, talks about aligning yourself with what it is you'd like to manifest in your life. I truly believe that is true. When you truly align yourself with what it is you want then it seems like the Universe responds 10-fold and brings you the necessary experiences. My choice of becoming inspired and then following it up with actually buying my ticket to the workshop was the sign the Universe needed to bring me those experiences.

My kids go to a school where the first grade class starts their day with a morning walk. I've been going on these walks these past few days and it's just amazing to me how inspired I'm getting from hanging around a bunch of 6 and 7 year-olds. Today's task was to try to run as fast as you could so that you could jump and touch the branch of a tree. What great fun and excitement this brought. Pretty soon all the boys were running to try to see who could get that branch. We also walked in front of a patch of sunflowers. I mean we're talking about Jack and the beanstalk type sunflowers. These things were huge and overflowing in this beautiful garden.

I thought about that walk and the zest that these kids have for life all day today. I'd like to carry that type of energy with me throughout every day. Why wouldn't I let a giant sunflower inspire and awe me? The yoga class I did today was fantastic, the reading I did this morning was amazing, the tennis matches I watched at our club, my kids running around playing football, my sons' hugs and kisses ... the list is endless of things I can look at to inspire me. I just need to be aware of all the experiences the Universe is sending my way and they are plenty. The key is to pay attention to everything coming my way; both small and big.

What do you think? What inspires you? Are you doing it? Let me know what you think by emailing me to mary@marysalfi.com, posting a comment to this blog or commenting on my Facebook page.

With joy,
Mary

Anyone up for a walk?

A few years ago, one of my dearest friends was diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember the day she told me; I felt like the ground had given away beneath me and I thought I was going to collapse. I just couldn't imagine it. I couldn't imagine what she was going through or how the next few months were going to look. I just remember walking around in a fog for a few weeks and praying really hard that my dear friend would beat the cancer and have that become a memory. I am happy to say that she did! It was such a relief to hear the words "I am cancer free!" YAY what a feeling.

This morning another dear friend of mine is walking the Breast Cancer 3 day benefiting Susan G. Komen for the cure. She has trained for months and it's finally here. She's excited, I'm excited, our city is excited "GO WALKERS!!" She is walking in honor of my dear friend and others who BEAT the cancer but she is also walking in memory of some who didn't. Every mile she walks will hopefully get us one step closer to a cure.

With the anticipation of the walk beginning I've been thinking about my girlfriends and the women in my life a lot these few days. I thought about how many things we will face together; cancer, remission, infertility, adoption, miscarriages, divorces, marriages, new babies, our kids starting kindergarten, kids going to college, menopause ... and many more. It made me want to say that we are a resilient bunch ready to take on life by its horns and enjoy every moment of it. For you my girlfriends, mother, aunts, mother-in-law and sisters-in-law I dedicate this blog to you. May we continue to share all moments of life together.

A few days ago, I wasn't feeling well at all. I was very emotional, upset and tired. It took for me to have a huge cathartic cry on the shoulders of my husband, brother and friend. So for all the men out there that have women in your life and are there for them I dedicate this blog to you as well. Your role is very important in our lives as well and we love having you there.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Email me to mary@marysalfi.com, post a comment or find me on Facebook.

I'm off to a cheering station! I hope I don't cry like a small child when I see my friend walking with thousands of others. If I do cry, oh well I'm not one to bottle it in :)

Namaste,
Mary

Still grieving? Really? Why?

My friend Jacqueline attended the Abraham seminar a few weeks ago when they were in Denver. Abraham is an entity who is channeled by a woman named Esther Hicks. She and her husband Jerry travel throughout the country hosting seminars. I love the teachings of Abraham; they are always so empowering.

Jacqueline was telling me that what stuck with her from the seminar was what Abraham thought about grief. Abraham says that if we understood how awesome it was to die then we wouldn't even spend a moment in grief. I've thought about that statement a lot lately. The reality is though that doesn't seem to be the case. We do spend more than 1 moment in grief; we probably spend years in grief. Why is that?

Is it because of what society expects us to do or is it because of how we feel about it? I'm Lebanese and there it's cultural to wear black for up to a year in mourning. Can you imagine that? Not being able to wear anything with any color in it for a year of more.

I feel part of what keeps us in grief is due to the reactions of people around us as well. It's human nature to imagine what we would do in another's situation which is really unfair to everyone. I believe we've all signed up for our life experiences to grow and evolve. Therefore, most likely I can handle most anything that occurs to me because on some level I was expecting it. I've had so many people call me to say that they wouldn't know what to do or how to get through losing a child at the stage that I did. I would answer to that "why would they know and honestly why would they imagine themselves in that situation?" They will have their own set of life experiences that I probably will never encounter because it is not something I chose for myself.

I've also thought about the fact that it seems that any sad event that happens to us seems to negate ALL the happy times we have. The sad event becomes in the forefront of our minds not allowing us to fully live the life we are meant to live.

I would say that my wedding day was one of the best days of my life. We got married in Puerto Rico on top of a 300 foot cliff overlooking the ocean; the view was breathtaking. We had 75 friends and family members there. It was truly a magical day. The day that my oldest son was born was an incredible journey into motherhood. I wouldn't say that I knew all the joy that day would bring into my life but I do now. My second son was born at home. It was the most peaceful birth anyone could hope for. It was a tender moment for our family when my husband, my 2 boys and I took a 4 hour nap that afternoon together. Every day since having my boys has been brought many moments of joy.

There are other experiences or memories I can draw on as well are maybe not as life-changing but incredible nonetheless. I remember feeling awestruck with the view from the top of a fourteener I hiked when I first moved to Colorado. I felt like I had conquered the world. The happy memories will go on and on if I allow the memory flood gates to open. Going out with my friends, traveling to Hawaii, seeing our extended family ... etc. The wonderful memories are endless.

I've always said that anything that happens to us in our lives is just a life experience and it is a choice as to how you're going to react to it. I'm sure you know plenty of people who are happy regardless of their life experiences and some you are sad or mad regardless of where they are as well.

It is a choice. What is your choice going to be?

Let me know what you think! I would love for you to leave a comment on this website if you so choose otherwise email me to mary@marysalfi.com or leave me a message on facebook.

Peace,
Mary

Man in the Mirror

Why is it that I haven't listened to any Michael Jackson songs in the past 10 years but now all of a sudden I've been listening to his songs like crazy? Anyway this morning while listening to the lyrics of "man in the mirror" I started to think about the words he was saying.

This is the part of the song that really caught my attention:

"I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change)"

I started thinking to myself how true is that? If we all started to make the change we want to see around us then wouldn't this world and then in turn all of us be in a better place? It's much better to act on the ideas we'd like to see then to spend time being in judgment about them.

My oldest son was in kindergarten this past year. He goes to a Waldorf school where kindergarteners are called Golden Knights. The teacher spends time with these kids every week teaching them about good deeds and how to effect change in their community. One of the activities they did was to pick up trash in the school's neighborhood. I loved that act of kindness back to our Earth and community. My son was not in shock due to this act because this is something I've done around him before. I always have 2 bags with me when I walk; one for trash and the other for recycling. I have done this for years. It feels good to give back especially to our earth.

I think Michael Jackson was definitely on to something so let's get on that bandwagon! What's the change you'd like to see around you? Is it less poverty? Is it cleaner streets? Is it a better school system? Nothing is too big for you to accomplish if you put your mind to it.

What do you think? Let me know your thoughts by posting a comment below, emailing mary@marysalfi.com or posting a comment on my Facebook account.

I'm starting with the woman in the mirror!
Mary

Coincidence? I think not!

I’ve been through grief before. I lost my dad 22 years ago and still grieve over his loss until today. I am not naïve enough to think that after my pregnancy loss I would not have days of total sadness and overwhelming grief. I have definitely been in that state the last few days. I’m just irritated and sad.

I decided to get a book to help me through all this so I picked up “Life Touches Life” by Lorraine Ash. It is a very heartbreaking and heartwarming story of a mother’s journey after delivering a stillborn baby at 9 months. She wrote about so many things that have been bothering me but I haven’t really been able to place my finger on. It was good to read that someone else had the same feelings that I am going through. This book totally allowed the shift I have desperately needed to happen. I felt that through this woman’s journey I was able to glimpse into the future to a time where it wasn’t so painful.

In the last few pages of the book she mentions that she was talking to a woman who had recently lost her baby. That woman had named her baby Isabella Rose which immediately caught my attention of course. The author shares with the mother the following wisdom through her own journey:

“You will keep seeing the world differently from this time forward. You will speak, feel and love differently. Isabella is the difference between your old self and your new one. Isabella will be the intangible presence in every beauty you behold. She will be the light over the mesa, the sound of the water in the bay at night, the memory of a years-old embrace that brings you comfort. Now I think of the wind as the breath of every baby who was never born.”

When I finished reading this paragraph I started to wonder if my Isabella had sent me this book so that I can read this paragraph and know that she is still there.

I also started to wonder about all the changes that I see happening within me. I just seem to care less about things being perfect which has given me such freedom. I don’t care as much if the beds are made or the toys are picked up. I would rather leave it all and go to the Children’s Museum with the kids and afterwards to the Aquarium for lunch like I did today. Now, at lunch I play the games on the placemats they give the kids and I color the pictures with them. I have patience to build a 272 piece lego airplane that my brother sent my kids. My answer to the kids asking for a toy at the museum or to play an extra few minutes on the playground is “sure honey, why not?” That sense of rushing to get the next thing has left me. I am where I am at the moment I am there. Such peace!

I’m sure that I will continue to have my moments of being down but for right now I feel good and I’m going to enjoy that moment.

I appreciate all the emails I have been getting from everyone after reading the blogs. I read everything and I do respond even if not right away. I love to hear from everyone. You can comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or comment on my facebook site.

Peace,
Mary

Back in the saddle again!

I teach a 7-month program called Spiritual U. I take my students through a journey of self-discovery. We have had to take a few breaks during the class due to my bed rest stint and subsequently the loss of the pregnancy. We resumed the classes yesterday. It was awesome to be back in the saddle again. My students wanted to know how I was doing and feeling. I was honest in saying “I have good moments and bad moments or more like good days and bad days”.

While processing the events of the past few weeks the concept of free will came up. They all know how much work I did with the law of attraction and positive thinking to try to get this baby through. The question was “do we have any free will or any power to change the outcome of something or is it pre-determined and going to happen regardless of what we do or think?” My answer to that would be “I honestly don’t know”. I’d like to believe that we have the ability to change the course of our lives and better the outcome of any situation we are in. I do feel though that we all signed up for certain life experiences which will help our soul evolution. Maybe at the time we are going through the experience it seems like it’s out of our hands but I do believe on some level we always had control over it even if that control happened prior to our incarnation. The thought that came to my mind the other day was that the life experiences we asked for are going to happen and they will be tough to go through but that is ultimately going to lead to the most soul evolution as well. Anything and everything that happens to you will allow you to evolve but it is usually through the trials that the greatest growth occurs. I honestly would not want to deny myself that opportunity. This has not been an easy experience for me but it has offered me an opportunity to look at things differently. I always tell my students “life will happen to you but it’s a choice as to what you’re going to do with it”. Life is meant to be up, down and everything in between. No one will live their whole life with one emotion. Life is emotion which is what makes it so incredible. Would I have rather not had this experience and had a baby instead? Of course, I would have!

A couple of weeks before losing the baby I started to get the feeling that this was going to be the outcome. I thought to myself that if that were to happen I would lose my faith and was terrified of that concept. After all, my spirituality is what brings me the most peace. The funny thing is that it really hasn’t made me lose faith at all. I can’t deny the presence of my spirit guides and the comfort they provide. I can’t deny the presence of God in everything. All I feel is sadness that this happened. I feel like I wish I could fast-forward to the time where it doesn’t hurt as much that’s all.

I was talking to my husband tonight about doing some volunteer work which has always been my passion. I volunteered all throughout college. I devoted time to a children’s hospital, a battered women’s shelter and to the Red Cross. I loved every minute of the time that I gave these organizations. I feel that it’s time to go back to that right now. Maybe that’s another one of Isabella’s blessings; helping me to go back to some of the things that brought me great joy at one point in time. I mentioned in the post before that Isabella has brought great blessings into my life so far and maybe there's tons more to discover. I definitely look forward to that.

I would love to hear your thoughts on all this! Let me know what you’re thinking either by posting a comment below or sending me an email to mary@marysalfi.com.

Peace,
Mary

Isabella Marie

My previous blog of finding joy in every moment lived comes from some wishful thinking this past week. I was pregnant until Tuesday, June 23, 2009 when I delivered my baby girl prematurely at 20 weeks gestational age. She lived for 43 minutes before making her way back to heaven.

I have thought about the reasons for this whole ordeal a lot in the past few days. I am the mother of 2 boys ages 4 and 6. About 2 years ago, a bunch of my girlfriends and I were out to dinner. The drinks were flowing and we were having a wonderful time. I was asked at that moment if I was going to have any more kids and my slightly-sauced state answered with extreme conviction “no – I am extremely content with my family”.

And that’s when the overwhelming signs from the Universe to have a third child began. That night I dreamt of having a baby girl all night long. A few days later the name “Isabella” popped into my head. I got a spiritual magazine in the mail called Isabella. I opened a Pottery Barn Kids magazine where a picture frame caught my attention; the name engraved below was Isabella of course. At Staples one day a little girl runs into the aisle and looks right at me. She was probably no more than 4 years old and stood less than 10 feet away. While wondering where her parents were; I hear her mother calling for her - should I tell you or can you guess what her name was. The signs were relentless.

Anyway, these messages from the Universe kept coming at me for 6 months before I broke down and took the “plunge” and tried to go for it again. My feelings ranged from terrified to somewhat excited. Well after trying one time, I got pregnant. Immediately I knew that something was wrong; I just knew I was going to miscarry. Sure enough I miscarried at 9 weeks. I told myself that it was ok and that we’ll just go for it again and it’ll all be ok. After getting over my anemia and fatigue we tried again 2 months later this time to miscarry at 15 weeks. We actually were going in for a routine ultrasound only to find no heartbeat so a scheduled D&C took place for the following morning. I thought at this point that there’s no way I’m ever going to try again but the feeling of having that baby had its grip on me and wasn’t going to let me go. So I decided to go about it the spiritual way. I read books, I journaled, I meditated, I logged my dreams, I sorted through my feelings, I did Psych-K, I went through EFT, I got acupuncture … I did it all or so I thought. The end result was go for it again! This time it’ll work. The reason all the other times didn’t work is because of my hang-ups of having another baby. I thought I had worked through them.

Well, apparently I didn’t work through them. Anything that could’ve gone wrong in this last pregnancy did. I had a 1 in 200 chance of getting placenta previa but I got it. I had a 1 in 100 chance of getting placenta abruption but I got it. Through all this, the baby was strong and growing magnificently. I was put on bed rest and pretty much stayed on it for about 9 weeks. It was tough but I found things to do; I uploaded music, I created this blog, I created a Facebook fanpage … I am not one to sit around a feel sorry for myself.

Then the unthinkable happened. I went into labor and delivered Isabella Marie Salfi on June 23, 2009. She was perfect in every way. I have gone through too many emotions to go through them in this blog. The biggest question that comes to my mind is “did I misread the signs?” and “what in the world did I just go through and for what?”

I may never get the answer to these questions but I do know that Isabella has given me a few gifts so far:

• I almost lost my life on June 23 so I feel like I’ve been given another chance at life. I feel that the page has been turned and the pen is in my hands to write the story the way I want it to be for the rest of my life.
• I feel that I have had an opportunity to realize that joy is in every moment of my life if I choose for it to be there.
• I feel that my husband and I have been given the opportunity to remember how much we love each other and to keep our eye on the important things.
• I feel that I won’t procrastinate until tomorrow what I can do today.
• I learned that I’ll never tell someone that they “should” do anything ever again. What an extreme word to use; I feel it’s loaded with a lot of disappointment.
• I learned that I won’t try to tell someone how to grieve; it’s different for every individual and it can never be wrong.
• I'm looking forward to discovering more as time goes by.

On the other hand, I miss the thought of what might have been. I wish that Isabella had made it and was the addition we were looking forward to having in our family. She will never be forgotten and she will be my born angel forever. I look forward to seeing her again but not any time soon. I have to get back to living. My emotions are by no means healed but I am trying to find the blessings in life. I am needed by 2 little boys and a wonderful husband.

My heart goes out to every mother who has lost a child. I will love my Isabella forever.

Peace,
Mary

Joy

I’ve done a lot of soul searching this past week mostly thinking about joy. Where do we find it? Is it in everything that we do? How come some of us seem to experience it more than others? Is it a choice to have joy?

Those of you that have been to my classes have probably heard me talk about our life lessons often referred to as contracts. I believe that we all come to earth with a set of lessons to learn. These lessons may include finding joy, receiving, giving, setting boundaries, having value and self worth … etc. I believe that we are presented with opportunities to help us conquer these lessons. I like to refer to these lessons now as life experiences after listening to the teachings of Abraham.

Those of us that have this “joy” contract have to work hard at being happy. Some may say “what kind of a contract is that?” How hard is it to be happy? I say it’s very hard. We all have our set of challenges and for some being patient is next to impossible. Saying no to someone and setting that boundary may be the most difficult thing for you to do and simple as can be for another. That’s why we all have our own unique set of contracts to master. What’s a challenge to you is not for another so the greatest service you can do for yourself is find out what your lessons are in this life.

Back to my joy contract; after this week, I realized that joy is everywhere. Joy is getting a hug. Joy is in the sun shining and in the rain falling. Joy is in going out to dinner with your spouse. Joy is in reading a book to a child. Joy is in riding a bike. Joy is in swimming. Joy is absolutely everywhere and in everything.

I used to feel like I had to look for joy and actively experience it. I felt like I had to go on a fancy vacation to have joy. Joy for me was in the holidays and weddings.

I have re-evaluated that concept and decided that joy is in every breath and every moment. So my promise to me is that I will experience joy in the moment rather than wait for someone else to get married or have a baby.

What do you think?

With joy,
Mary