Monday, March 21, 2016

The other side of the story ...

We have family dinners a few times a week. It’s so nice for all of us to sit around the table, eat together and share the events of the day. I found that my kids tend to share things that are bothering them in this setting more than any other time.

My younger son who is almost 11 is in fifth grade. I didn’t realize how big of a year it was for foul language and boundary testing this has been for him and his class. I believe it’s mostly the boys in that class that use all sorts of colorful language. It may be the girls as well but I'm not sure. Either way, it's definitely been an eye opener and jaw dropper!

A little situation 

The other day, my son was playing soccer with his buddies at recess. He got into an altercation with one of his classmates. The language that commenced was so out of the context of a fifth grader that I ended up calling the other parent about the situation. The mom was so distraught by her son’s language that I found myself consoling her about the whole thing. 

A few days later she called me back to tell me my son’s role in the whole thing. He had defintiely been less than noble in his behavior as well. You could technically argue that my son was more at fault for his behavior and the other kid was just reacting to what he was faced with. 

How quick we are to judge 

I found myself thinking about judgment. How quick we are to pass judgment on a situation without knowing the full story. There are always two sides to every story and we would really benefit from hearing all sides before making a judgment. I ended up feeling so bad for the other kid after hearing his version. Had I not had the courage to call the other parent, I probably would still not know the story and would be mad at the other kid for what he said. 

I talked to my son about it and he never talked about what he himself did wrong. I don’t think because he didn’t want to own it, rather because he forgot what he did. I thought about how often we do that in situations as well. We feel that we have been wronged and that we didn’t contribute in any way to the argument or misunderstanding. 

It's always more important to be kind 

The mom and I got to a really good place with the situation ultimately. I talked to my son about being mindful of his behavior and to be inclusive. She was going to help her son figure out how to stand up for himself without resorting to such terrible language. She ended up thanking me for reaching out to her. 

I find that I wish I had done that more over the years. Its so hard to call someone and talk about misunderstandings. I talk to my kids about Dr. Wayne Dyer and his teachings all the time. One of my favorite of his quotes are, “It’s more important to be kind than to be right.” What a beautiful statement. If we could only approach every situation with that attitude!

I'd love to hear from you. Let me know how you deal with patience and time. You may leave a comment below, or on my Facebook page or email me to 

Friday, March 18, 2016

Just wait a minute

I've been thinking about the concept of time lately. My daughter will be five in August. Five!! I can't believe how fast time is going by. The other day I was thinking about the time period I had all those miscarriages. Within two years, I had three miscarriages. The last miscarriage I had was about two years before my daughter was born.

Was it really a big deal? 

A really good friend of mine had her daughter the year I had my last miscarriage. My daughter and hers play together all the time now. The two year difference between them is truly a non-issue. They play beautifully together, making up all sorts of princess games then go out to the trampoline then color and so on.

I started to think about my patience or I should say lack of. The two years that I was so in my head about are only a blip on continuum of time. If you were to really get woowoo about it, there is no continuum of time, there's only now. If there's only now then nothing is more important or more of a big deal then what you have going on at this moment. So how about taking a deep breath and dealing with now instead of constantly worrying or stressing about that future event.

I've always asked myself the question of, "Will that matter in six months?" to take away the possibility of making a mole hill into a mountain. I'm not belittling the experience of having a miscarriage or three for that matter, but if I had known at the time that all will be OK and that in less than two years, I'd be holding a beautiful baby in my arms, maybe I would have dealt with things differently.

Faith .. it's everything!

A really good friend of mine would like to quit her job so that she can be with her kids more. We've been talking about her doing that for over two years now. It's a struggle for sure. Yesterday I told her that maybe what she ought to do is just quit and have faith that all will be OK. Have faith that the difference in income will be met easily and that the time she gets to spend with her kids won't come at a price.

I'm really good at giving the advice you see :) I truly believe that the reason I had three miscarriages was because I lacked patience and faith. I didn't give myself a chance to heal whether it be physically or emotionally.

I was so caught up in having that perfect age difference between my kids that I didn't think of anything else. Now I look at my three children and I think the age difference is perfect. It was always going to be perfect regardless of when she was born. I didn't trust that all will be well. I was going to push through and force the pregnancy dammit!

All is well

It truly all changed when I took a step back and allowed myself time to heal. I took some time to enjoy the kids I had, to travel with them, to get my body back, to heal my emotions. I knew when the time was right to try again and only then was it a success.

I love the quote, "If you only say one prayer a day then let it be thank you". How awesome is that. Be in gratitude for all that is when it shows up. Have faith and trust in that higher power. It's always taking care of you, maybe better than you would take care of yourself.

I'd love to hear from you! Let me know how you deal with patience and time. You may leave a comment below, or on my Facebook page or email me to 

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Meditate it out

Back in August of 2015, I began asking the Universe for signs of what was coming next for me. My youngest had just turned four and I felt like it was time to input back to the world. I didn't know what was in store for me but I was asking the questions. 

I kept getting the feeling to meditate and to meditate on a daily basis. I began looking for meditation retreats to jump start my practice again. I came across a 2 for 1 special for a meditation weekend at the Chopra Center in Carlsbad, California. I immediately bought the tickets knowing that I could easily find a friend to go with me. After all, I bought the tickets in November for a March event. 

Learning TM

In the meantime, as the universe works I started getting sponsored links for Transcendental Meditation (TM) on my Facebook newsfeed. This was in January. I started to look into it and decided to learn it and did in February. I took my first class on SuperBowl Sunday actually. 

The concept behind TM is that you sit comfortably for 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening while repeating a mantra given to you by a TM teacher. The mind naturally is always trying to gravitate to its original form of bliss and calm. It is given that opportunity during TM therefore transcends to the purity of what it is. When you get out of meditation, the mind brings with it that calm into your everyday life. 

I decided I was going to give it a good try. Of all the meditation techniques I've tried, TM is by far the easiest. There's no struggle in it. If a thought comes during the mediation then gently go back to the mantra, if you hear noise no problem, if someone walks in on you treat it as an interruption and add 5 minutes to the end of your meditation.  It's a very free flowing easy meditation. I am loving it!

Chopra Center

I went to the Chopra Center this past weekend and was open minded to what they were going to teach. After all this was the year of the daily meditation as well as learning any technique that came my way. I would love to learn enough to be able to teach children and particularly teenagers how to meditate. 

I was amazed that they basically taught the same thing at the Chopra Center. There were very few differences. We were given what's called a Primordial Sound Mantra (PSM) and had to repeat it for 30 minutes twice a day. 

It's just a tool, find the one that works for you!

I approached one of the teachers after the class and asked if the Chopra Center was basically just teaching TM but calling it something different. Deepak Chopra had apparently studied with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the guru who developed TM. The concept is the same but the mantras are different. TM calls is transcending, PSM calls it getting in the gap. TM asks for no more than 15-20 minutes, PSM says to meditate for 30 minutes. 

I started to think about it all and realized it's just a tool and thank goodness there are plenty of them to choose from. Try them all and practice what feels good to you. If meditation is not where you are right now, maybe do yoga. It doesn't matter. Just allowing yourself the time to just be is essential to our well-being. It was so nice to be surrounded by 100 people who just wanted to find a way to feel good. When we feel good, we are able to take that feel good into the world. 

Changes ...

I can definitely say that I am a lot calmer than a month ago. I definitely have gotten angry with situations but I have been able to work through them in a better way. Yesterday was a sticky day for me. I felt like I was running into an uncomfortable situation a little too often. I took a moment to realize that it's probably me and that I need to get to a better place. I meditated last night and then again this morning. It's helped to give me perspective into the situation. 

I found that my eating habits have changed as well. I'm not as eager to eat something that doesn't make me feel good. The whole time in California, I ate really well. Normally on vacation, I eat more fries or dessert but I found myself not wanting to do that. 

Share with me your thoughts

Let me know if you've been to the Chopra Center for a class or if you've practiced TM or if you have another meditation technique that you love. You may leave a comment below, or on my Facebook page or email me to 

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

To give him the phone or to not give him the phone?

I have an almost 13 year old son. Is that enough said? He is an extremely bright boy with a strong personality. He knows what he wants and will argue his point very intelligently. At times, I have to remind him that raising his voice doesn't make what he's saying have more weight but mostly he does make good points.

Are 12 and 13 year olds mature enough?

I have been avoiding giving him a phone for many, many reasons but most of which, I don't feel a 12 year old is fully capable of being responsible for an iPhone. I wouldn't mind him having a flip phone that he can text and call from but not a mini computer that gives him access to a world he may or may not be ready for.

He actually has a flip phone that he refuses to use because it's embarrassing amongst his friends for him to have such a substandard piece of equipment. I find the whole thing amusing. I get him all tied up talking about that. I say, "Are you the person who cares?" "Are you the person who wants a phone just to show off in front of your friends?" "If that's the only reason then that's even more reason to say no to the phone." I know that he does care, he does want a phone to belong and that I may say yes based on those previous statements. I was a teenager once too.

This is not a question of whether I trust him or not. He is super responsible. However, why tempt him with something that he doesn't need in his life right now? That's my struggle.

Am I good with him being one of the final few?

The problem is that he is one of the only few 7th graders who are without an iPhone. His latest argument is that he wants it to text, call, listen to music and google something such as the weight of a wrestler. I couldn't make that last one up even if I tried. I see his points in a lot of this.

My issue is not with these things, my issue is with social media. I feel that some adults aren't mature yet to be on social media let alone kids who have hormones raging in their system. I also feel like it's a productivity suck. I would rather he be outside playing tennis or shooting baskets instead of playing on his phone and that will eventually happen. It's happened to all of us. Whether we are checking email or Facebook or whatever, we are on our phones a good portion of our day.

What to do?

On the one hand, I wish I could just say no and move on. On the other hand, I feel I might be a bit unreasonable in my stance. I would love to get some advice on this. I've heard from several parents saying that they would have said no if they could do it over but then again are they taking that phone away?

Plenty of ways to share your thoughts: leave a comment below, leave a comment on my Facebook page or send me an email to