Thursday, January 27, 2011

Knowing when you've had enough

I think it’s huge when the day comes that you decide not to take it anymore. I have always had a problem with saying no and setting boundaries.

It has literally taken me years in certain situations to say, “Enough is enough!” After going through spiritual type classes and realizing that boundaries are one of my major lessons in this life, I’ve gotten better.

Boundaries will show up in all different forms. It could be your friend asking you to something that is outrageous, it could be your boss asking way to much of you at work, it could be your kids not respecting your space, it could be someone constantly interrupting you while you talk and so on, I’m sure you get the gist.

Recognize when something doesn’t feel right

It’s huge to recognize when your boundaries are being crossed and when it’s time to say no. It has everything to do with how you feel about something. Everything in life will boil down to that if you allow it to do so.

How does that make me feel? Do I really want to do that? Is that something that is in my best interest to do? All of these are essential questions to ask yourself whenever you’ve realized that you’re starting to get derailed.

It’s important to recognize that certain things can feel good for a while and then they don’t. As long as the relationship feels good, stay in it. Once it starts to make you feel bad, it’s time to evaluate.

The relationship I’m referring to could be anything. It’s your relationship with your job, with your friends, and even with the book you are reading.

Take action

I have stopped plenty of books a quarter of the way through, because I had gotten out of them what I needed and there was no need to continue on.

I’m not saying jump ship when things start heading south a little, but I am saying recognize when things are really not working for you and do something about them. All it takes sometimes is telling someone how you feel.

It’s so much easier to be authentic then to kid yourself into thinking that things are going well. That turns into internal anxiety that is not fun to go through.

I’d love to hear from you!

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Feeling better about my boundary setting!


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Gossip - does it serve any purpose at all?

I was in a situation where there was gossip going on the other day. It was such that I couldn’t walk away, I felt so weird afterwards that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I have very little tolerance for gossip. I feel that it is the worst thing anyone can ever engage in.

Have you ever played the game telephone?

It’s where you sit in a circle with a bunch of people and the first person whispers something in the person’s ear, then that person relays what they heard to the person sitting next to them and so on, until they reach the last person who says what he heard. It usually is so far off from what the original phrase was that it is so funny. Well when it’s a game it’s funny, but when it’s someone’s story it really is not.

It’s someone’s life we’re talking about

When people gossip, I think they forget that they are talking about someone’s life. A friend of mine who was getting divorced last summer, had her fair share of people talking about her. Someone said to her to not listen to all the gossip. Her answer, which was brilliant, “It may be gossip to some, but to me it’s my life.” It really is someone’s life and emotions.

Any spiritual book that you read or any spiritual speaker will tell you to stop gossiping if you’d like to raise your energy. If you want to transcend the everyday and get to that higher place spiritually, then refraining from gossip is a must. Notice how you feel after you talk about someone. It’s usually a dense, heavy feeling.

I feel gossiping is truly a form of bullying. It’s not anything that anyone can ever be 100% certain of, so then why speculate and spread rumors that may or may not be true.

The other part of it to look at is who cares? Really, when I went through my pregnancy losses, there were probably a handful of people who truly cared and the rest thought it was a good, tragic story to share. Unfortunately, it’s the juicy stories that get people’s attention.

All you can do is not engage in it yourself

After I lost the baby, a friend of mine told me that there was a woman going around our swim club starting off the conversation with, “Did you hear what happened to Mary Salfi?” My friend wanted me to confront this person and tell her to stop. Really, was I ever going to do that? If she got a thrill from spreading my news, then there’s no way to stop it.

What it did was made me realize that I will never engage in gossip myself. I will always respect other people’s lives and stories. I usually figure out when something is going to turn into gossip and respectfully, walk away. When it’s none of my business, then I have no business saying anything.

I’d love to hear from you!

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Remembering to respect people - always!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I got offended, really?

I was at a doctor’s office the other day for a routine check-up. In hindsight, I realize that the physician’s assistant was really just doing her job, but I decided that she was a mean you-know-what.

It’s only after I left that I realized that no matter what she did, that was going to be the verdict. Why? Because I’m sick of doctor’s offices. I had my fill of going to doctor’s offices the two years I had the miscarriages that I if I never went to a doctor’s office again, I bet it’ll be OK.

Was that situation really offensive?

I started to wonder about why we get offended. Is it really because the situation was offensive or is it because we’ve had some prior experience that made us get offended? I’m not sure that I can ever generalize but I can say with confidence that in this particular situation it was due to a past experience. I didn’t want to be in that environment so therefore, I was already in a bad mood. That poor woman did not stand a chance.

Do you remember a time when you got offended by something someone did or said, but your friend who was standing there did not? That happens to me all the time when I’m with my husband. He’s the type that doesn’t allow people’s comments to bother him. He loves the saying “water off a duck’s back.”

Really in the big scheme of life, life is too short to waste your time being offended. If you don’t like something then move away and engage in something else.

In my specific case with the doctor’s office, I had to realize that it won’t be the last time I go to see a doctor, so the sooner I get over it then the better off I am. When you recognize the root of an issue, it becomes much easier to solve the problem.

So many situations happen to us in life that if we take a negative feeling with everything that happens, eventually the burden of all that will crush us. Lighten it up and take it all in stride.

It’s totally up to you as to how you live your life!

I truly believe life is a choice and how you live it is ultimately up to you. So what is that choice going to be? Is it going to be to get offended by that nasty driver, or that physician’s assistant, or that friend who’s intentions didn’t come out quite the best? I’d say, don’t waste your time on it.

I’d love to hear from you!

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Next time I go to a doctor’s office, I’m going to think whoever is helping me is really just trying to do the best job they can!