Monday, August 3, 2009

Still grieving? Really? Why?

My friend Jacqueline attended the Abraham seminar a few weeks ago when they were in Denver. Abraham is an entity who is channeled by a woman named Esther Hicks. She and her husband Jerry travel throughout the country hosting seminars. I love the teachings of Abraham; they are always so empowering.

Jacqueline was telling me that what stuck with her from the seminar was what Abraham thought about grief. Abraham says that if we understood how awesome it was to die then we wouldn't even spend a moment in grief. I've thought about that statement a lot lately. The reality is though that doesn't seem to be the case. We do spend more than 1 moment in grief; we probably spend years in grief. Why is that?

Is it because of what society expects us to do or is it because of how we feel about it? I'm Lebanese and there it's cultural to wear black for up to a year in mourning. Can you imagine that? Not being able to wear anything with any color in it for a year of more.

I feel part of what keeps us in grief is due to the reactions of people around us as well. It's human nature to imagine what we would do in another's situation which is really unfair to everyone. I believe we've all signed up for our life experiences to grow and evolve. Therefore, most likely I can handle most anything that occurs to me because on some level I was expecting it. I've had so many people call me to say that they wouldn't know what to do or how to get through losing a child at the stage that I did. I would answer to that "why would they know and honestly why would they imagine themselves in that situation?" They will have their own set of life experiences that I probably will never encounter because it is not something I chose for myself.

I've also thought about the fact that it seems that any sad event that happens to us seems to negate ALL the happy times we have. The sad event becomes in the forefront of our minds not allowing us to fully live the life we are meant to live.

I would say that my wedding day was one of the best days of my life. We got married in Puerto Rico on top of a 300 foot cliff overlooking the ocean; the view was breathtaking. We had 75 friends and family members there. It was truly a magical day. The day that my oldest son was born was an incredible journey into motherhood. I wouldn't say that I knew all the joy that day would bring into my life but I do now. My second son was born at home. It was the most peaceful birth anyone could hope for. It was a tender moment for our family when my husband, my 2 boys and I took a 4 hour nap that afternoon together. Every day since having my boys has been brought many moments of joy.

There are other experiences or memories I can draw on as well are maybe not as life-changing but incredible nonetheless. I remember feeling awestruck with the view from the top of a fourteener I hiked when I first moved to Colorado. I felt like I had conquered the world. The happy memories will go on and on if I allow the memory flood gates to open. Going out with my friends, traveling to Hawaii, seeing our extended family ... etc. The wonderful memories are endless.

I've always said that anything that happens to us in our lives is just a life experience and it is a choice as to how you're going to react to it. I'm sure you know plenty of people who are happy regardless of their life experiences and some you are sad or mad regardless of where they are as well.

It is a choice. What is your choice going to be?

Let me know what you think! I would love for you to leave a comment on this website if you so choose otherwise email me to or leave me a message on facebook.



  1. I think that people grieve because their souls do know how wonderful death is...and we mistake grief for a longing/desire to join our loved ones in such a wonderful place. We're sad because we can't yet join in their bliss.

    BTW, great blog! Looking forward to reading more of your insights! :)

  2. I think you touch on a few things.. One is that we grieve because we feel the physical loss of our loved ones, when we are able to allow ourselves to move to a spirtual connection with our loved ones, we will no longer grieve as we will know they are always here- just a different energy. As Abraham states moving from the Physical to the NonPhysical.. I remember the year after my mother passed, I was having a hard time when her earth birth date was approaching. I remember my mother coming to me the night of her B-Day asking me for her birthday cake.. we embraced for a moment and just as I felt it on a PHYSICAL level, my mother released and went back to her nonphysical place. It took a great deal of energy for my mother to visit me on my energetic level, but that is what I needed at that time. Now, I can truly know and feel that she is here all of the time- just on her level...

    About the experiencing joy and/or the many blessings the universe offers. Abraham also spoke about how important it is NOT to focus on where we are due to the absence of what we want.. that will put us in a vibrational place of focusing on what we don't want.. How powerful is that??.. We need to release the vibration of what we don't want (i.e. grief, fear, anger, resentment) and focus on what we DO want (joy, love, acceptance, gratification) they in turn will become our vibration.

    great thoughts Mary. You are an inspriation to so many people.

  3. I was reading these words and thought how very true it was in my world right now:

    "I've also thought about the fact that it seems that any sad event that happens to us seems to negate ALL the happy times we have. The sad event becomes in the forefront of our minds not allowing us to fully live the life we are meant to live."

    As we struggle with the issues that present day to day, it's really hard to let go of our grief and choose to focus on happiness. Sometimes, it’s hard to recognize what happiness looks like or to even remember what “normal” was.

    The reasons for grief are many. It’s not just a loss of a soul in the physical world, where I hope we’ll meet again in the afterlife – it’s loss of a job, a situation, a relationship, love, money, etc. Grief impacts us on many levels and in many situations.

    What I do know is that, for me, grief is necessary. It is transitional. It’s the vehicle that takes me from what was to what is. Maybe if we gave grief its due, instead of trying to hurry through it or think about what I should be doing differently so that I can move past my grief, hope would come back into our lives.

    What if I allow myself to grieve on any level necessary in order to move on with my life? That’s scary. I have to ask myself, what if I never get through it? What if I never move on? What is there is no bottom? I don’t know the answer, but what I do know is that I need to honor grief in the same way I honor every other emotion that I experience. There is no set time for getting through it, but if we don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to move through it, we make it difficult to move on to wherever life takes us next.

    Mary, your words are timely and inspirational - as always. :)

  4. I completely agree with all the comments posted and thank you for reading. I told one of my friends that one of the blessings that the loss of this baby has given me is that I will never tell a person how to grieve or that they should or shouldn't. I believe grief is very personal and should be honored in the way it is right for the person grieving.

    I attended the John Edward event in Denver a few nights ago and it's always amazing to me the validation people get from their loved ones on the other side. It made me think about the continuum of life. How we come in and out of lives and how our journey truly never is over.

    I love the saying of "we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and not the other way around" If that's the case then our true state is in the non-physical and all that happens to us is yet another life experience and maybe that's exactly what we needed for our soul evolution at the time. I don't know why my dad had to pass away when I was 13 but on some level I'd like to believe that I am not a victim in that. I heard John Edward say that before his mother passed he was into doing readings but after she passed he needed to know that she was ok so he dove into this work further. I feel that's he's brought peace to thousands of people and maybe this experience with his mother had something to do with that. I always say that everything has depth to it but just because we don't understand the depth at that moment does not mean it's not there.

    I thank you for reading my blog and as always I appreciate the comments you leave.

  5. Wow Mary. This is a powerful way to think about grief. I suppose I do not always view sadness, or the sadness that embodies grief, as a negative. I generally think of it as an appropriate response. I like how Julayne wrote about it as something that must be moved through.
    I like the moving. And the through part.
    How scary, however, when we get stuck!

    I was moved by your observation of when sad events take over. Maybe that is grief? Maybe that's okay? And like you said, it is up to each of us to decide when it is the right time to move out of grief and refocus on the beauty in our lives.

    Thanks for your awesome insights.