Have I mentioned that I LOVE Oprah! I’ve been taping her Lifeclass series and watching it with Mia during the day. I feel it’s good for my daughter to be exposed to awesome messages even at two months old.
What is my truth?
The lesson the other day was about speaking your truth. Oprah showed snippets of a show she did with Ellen DeGeneres when Ellen announced that she was gay back in 1997. Oprah’s point was that when Ellen spoke her truth and revealed her true identity, she was able to reach her potential without anything dragging her down.
I started thinking about what is my truth and what was I hiding. At that moment, I realized that my truth was that I was intuitive and that was truly my life path. Whether I wasn’t going to admit it or not, really didn’t matter as to who I really am.
I’ve always known and felt things
I remember being a kid and looking behind me constantly because I felt someone was following me. I knew when my Grandmother died.
I felt my dad’s presence the morning I took government exams in Lebanon. This is actually a cool story. Before being accepted into college in Lebanon you have to pass government exams. That morning, I was going to take my math test. I woke up really early and my mom gave me a cup of coffee in my dad’s mug. She didn’t realize that it was his mug but it took me aback a little. It was only a couple of years after he had passed and the grief was still very raw. I thought to myself though that I was going to drink out of his mug and have that be my good luck charm. When I got in my car, I kept looking over at the passenger seat because I swear I thought he was going to materialize at any moment. I felt his presence all the way until I picked up my friend. I ended up getting the second highest possible score in all of Lebanon on that math exam.
Being the best person you could be
The other inspiring thing I heard on the Oprah show was how her best friend described her. She said, “The greatest thing about Oprah is as she’s pulling herself up with one arm, she’s pulling someone else up with her other arm.” That is probably the greatest compliment a friend can give to another.
I thought about the concept of paying it forward. How awesome is it to do good deeds and not worry about getting anything back. Just do what you want to do without keeping score, drawing boundaries and worrying about it. I’ve always struggled with setting boundaries and being able to say no. This is not the same thing though. This is about being the best person you can be without borders and rules.
I love Oprah!
Have I mentioned that I love Oprah! She is truly a gift to this generation and we are lucky to have her. She said that she was the same person on stage and off stage. I thought about that too and if I ever try to be someone I am not. I realized that was only the case when I tried to be “normal” and not intuitive. Then I thought, what’s normal anyway? We are all intuitive beings. We are all spiritual, it’s just whether we decide to tap into that or not.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
I feel like this is a conversation that is still going on. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it and what is your truth. You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
Loving this Lifeclass series!
Mary
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Believe so that you can see...
I didn’t know Oprah had her own TV network! I truly feel that Oprah has enriched my life in a tremendous way. I never was a person who had to be home when her show was on just to watch it. However, I did watch it when it was convenient and I always learned so much from her.
Asking for guidance
I’ve been asking for some guidance from God lately. I feel extremely fulfilled that my family is complete. I do feel though that I have a purpose that is bigger and outside of the home. I felt that doing readings and classes was awesome and I’m wondering if that’s where my destiny lies or is it in something else. Any time I’m in a pondering state, I up my meditations and I start asking for signs to be shown to me.
I was on Facebook the other day when I saw something about Oprah having a new series called Lifeclass on her network. It immediately caught my eye and taped Wednesday night’s show. The show was essentially discussing The Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction basically says if you believe it, then it will come. You have to believe above all.
Believing before seeing
It was intriguing to see Jim Carrey on there. She had a clip on there from a previous show where he had mentioned that he would sit in his car and imagine all these great things coming to him way before he was famous. He said that it made him feel better to imagine that all these producers and film makers were interested in him.
He also wrote himself a check for $10 million dollars and gave himself three years to have that come true. He said that a few weeks before the three years was up, he was offered $10 million to make “Dumb and Dumber”.
A few weeks ago, a few of my wonderful girlfriends had a party for me to celebrate Mia’s arrival. It was really a great way to realize that the grief and worry are over, the journey is complete. Although it was a tremendously difficult journey, the end result is fantastic. It was truly a celebration. I bought each of them a gift to say thank you for a great night. The book I picked up for them was called “Believe”. The book emphasized that you have to believe in something before you can see it.
Mia was the result of my believing!
I really did that with Mia. Despite all the heartache, grief and anxiety, I believed there was one more baby out there and she was coming. I had a doctor tell me that it was crazy for me to consider having another child. I had a few readings that were all over the place.
It really didn’t matter what I heard or didn't hear, deep down, I knew. I knew that Mia was coming. I took a picture of my boys around Christmas 2009 and I could see the silhouette of another child between the boys. I never stopped believing despite anything I heard.
Getting back on track
Sometimes though that belief gets rattled and we have to get it back on track. I feel that way with my life purpose. I feel that when I was on more of a spiritual path, times were a lot tougher. I realize that I have linked the two.
I know that I have fear of stepping back into doing readings and classes, but at the same time, I feel drawn to that. I probably should start with accepting that the two paths didn’t have anything to do with one another. I was most likely going to have three pregnancy losses no matter where I was in my life and no matter what I was doing.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
It's obvious that the sign for me is to believe!
Mary
Asking for guidance
I’ve been asking for some guidance from God lately. I feel extremely fulfilled that my family is complete. I do feel though that I have a purpose that is bigger and outside of the home. I felt that doing readings and classes was awesome and I’m wondering if that’s where my destiny lies or is it in something else. Any time I’m in a pondering state, I up my meditations and I start asking for signs to be shown to me.
I was on Facebook the other day when I saw something about Oprah having a new series called Lifeclass on her network. It immediately caught my eye and taped Wednesday night’s show. The show was essentially discussing The Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction basically says if you believe it, then it will come. You have to believe above all.
Believing before seeing
It was intriguing to see Jim Carrey on there. She had a clip on there from a previous show where he had mentioned that he would sit in his car and imagine all these great things coming to him way before he was famous. He said that it made him feel better to imagine that all these producers and film makers were interested in him.
He also wrote himself a check for $10 million dollars and gave himself three years to have that come true. He said that a few weeks before the three years was up, he was offered $10 million to make “Dumb and Dumber”.
A few weeks ago, a few of my wonderful girlfriends had a party for me to celebrate Mia’s arrival. It was really a great way to realize that the grief and worry are over, the journey is complete. Although it was a tremendously difficult journey, the end result is fantastic. It was truly a celebration. I bought each of them a gift to say thank you for a great night. The book I picked up for them was called “Believe”. The book emphasized that you have to believe in something before you can see it.
Mia was the result of my believing!
I really did that with Mia. Despite all the heartache, grief and anxiety, I believed there was one more baby out there and she was coming. I had a doctor tell me that it was crazy for me to consider having another child. I had a few readings that were all over the place.
It really didn’t matter what I heard or didn't hear, deep down, I knew. I knew that Mia was coming. I took a picture of my boys around Christmas 2009 and I could see the silhouette of another child between the boys. I never stopped believing despite anything I heard.
Getting back on track
Sometimes though that belief gets rattled and we have to get it back on track. I feel that way with my life purpose. I feel that when I was on more of a spiritual path, times were a lot tougher. I realize that I have linked the two.
I know that I have fear of stepping back into doing readings and classes, but at the same time, I feel drawn to that. I probably should start with accepting that the two paths didn’t have anything to do with one another. I was most likely going to have three pregnancy losses no matter where I was in my life and no matter what I was doing.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
It's obvious that the sign for me is to believe!
Mary
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Life is too short to fold underwear
I’ve started to do some household chores in the evening lately. That seems to be the time when I can get the most done. Kids are in bed and settled, house is quiet and I can just get to things much quicker. I was folding laundry the other night. I started to fold some underwear when I realized that life is too short for that activity.
Way too organized
For those of you who know me, you know how neat and organized I am. I like things orderly. It’s always a challenge for me when things get a little chaotic. Having a two-month old in the house along with two older kids lends itself to some chaos.
I learned with my oldest that I had to let things go; things couldn’t always be as perfect as I’d like them to be. Then when the boys started getting older, I had time to make everything look perfect again. Now, I’m having to readjust again.
Then the thought came to mind, is it really a big deal if I threw the underwear in the drawer rather than having them be stacked up nicely? I’ll answer that. No, it really is not a big deal at all. As a matter of fact, it’s a big ole “who cares!”
Is it clean?
As long as things are clean, then it’s all just ok. That’s my new line with Mia whenever she’s upset. I say to her, “Its ok, it’s just ok” in a melodic voice and she settles down. I decided to say that to myself when I need to let things go too.
There are so many things that we could use to let go of and just enjoy the moment instead. It took three kids for me to finally realize that. They don’t stay small forever so I might as well enjoy.
Being in the moment is key
Everything in time will come; the ability to work-out again or to have a glass of wine or to have a super neat house and so on. There’s always a time and a place for everything. Allowing things to be what they need to be in the moment is really the best remedy. Whether I stress about it or not, it really doesn’t matter, it’ll be what it needs to be.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Mia is sleeping so I’m going to sleep too!
Mary
Way too organized
For those of you who know me, you know how neat and organized I am. I like things orderly. It’s always a challenge for me when things get a little chaotic. Having a two-month old in the house along with two older kids lends itself to some chaos.
I learned with my oldest that I had to let things go; things couldn’t always be as perfect as I’d like them to be. Then when the boys started getting older, I had time to make everything look perfect again. Now, I’m having to readjust again.
Then the thought came to mind, is it really a big deal if I threw the underwear in the drawer rather than having them be stacked up nicely? I’ll answer that. No, it really is not a big deal at all. As a matter of fact, it’s a big ole “who cares!”
Is it clean?
As long as things are clean, then it’s all just ok. That’s my new line with Mia whenever she’s upset. I say to her, “Its ok, it’s just ok” in a melodic voice and she settles down. I decided to say that to myself when I need to let things go too.
There are so many things that we could use to let go of and just enjoy the moment instead. It took three kids for me to finally realize that. They don’t stay small forever so I might as well enjoy.
Being in the moment is key
Everything in time will come; the ability to work-out again or to have a glass of wine or to have a super neat house and so on. There’s always a time and a place for everything. Allowing things to be what they need to be in the moment is really the best remedy. Whether I stress about it or not, it really doesn’t matter, it’ll be what it needs to be.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Mia is sleeping so I’m going to sleep too!
Mary
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Time to let go!
Mia turned eight weeks yesterday. I’ve finally started to realize that she’s here. I worried and stressed over having a third child for the past three years so sometimes I have to look at Mia hard to remember that the stress is over. I believe that all that worrying went somewhere and that somewhere is in my body on a cellular level.
I was telling my friend the other day that I feel a little lost as to how to get rid of it. Her suggestion was to release it in the shower and allow it to go down the drain.
This is a meditation that I’ve done for years and love. I realized at that moment that the drain in our shower has been clogged lately. I believe that is a mirror of how my emotional state is right now. I feel clogged. I feel like I just need a major release; it’s time to let it go!
What are the benefits of worry anyway?
The truth about worrying is that the outcome will be what it is regardless of how much you worry about it. I could’ve chosen to not worry during Mia’s pregnancy and enjoyed it more. Instead, I worried every moment I could and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Many people who had similar losses told me that they did the same thing, but honestly what good did that do?
My husband never worries unless there’s truly something to worry about and even then, he finds the positive in all of it. That is truly a gift. I strive to make that be part of who I am.
The experience of losing a baby…
I always say that the experience of losing a baby wasn’t all for nothing. I feel like she was a big energetic broom that swept away all that didn’t resonate with me anymore. Whether that was friendships or experiences or clothes … whatever it was, it was gone and I feel better and lighter due to that.
I have lived a more authentic life since losing that baby and that feels good. I always say the experience at the time was much larger than the benefit. However, I feel that if I spent the rest of my life living authentically, then maybe eventually I’d say it was a positive experience.
The drama is over
Now that the drama is over, it’s time to let it go. It’s time to let the anxiety I’ve held on to go away. I have been walking with Mia every day. During those walks, I’m going to visualize any worry and stress being released from my body and going into the Earth. I’m going to then visualize the Earth turning and churning that worry into a beautiful flower. I love that visual. Taking something that could be a negative and turning it into something beautiful.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Time to bundle Mia up and go for a walk!
Mary
I was telling my friend the other day that I feel a little lost as to how to get rid of it. Her suggestion was to release it in the shower and allow it to go down the drain.
This is a meditation that I’ve done for years and love. I realized at that moment that the drain in our shower has been clogged lately. I believe that is a mirror of how my emotional state is right now. I feel clogged. I feel like I just need a major release; it’s time to let it go!
What are the benefits of worry anyway?
The truth about worrying is that the outcome will be what it is regardless of how much you worry about it. I could’ve chosen to not worry during Mia’s pregnancy and enjoyed it more. Instead, I worried every moment I could and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Many people who had similar losses told me that they did the same thing, but honestly what good did that do?
My husband never worries unless there’s truly something to worry about and even then, he finds the positive in all of it. That is truly a gift. I strive to make that be part of who I am.
The experience of losing a baby…
I always say that the experience of losing a baby wasn’t all for nothing. I feel like she was a big energetic broom that swept away all that didn’t resonate with me anymore. Whether that was friendships or experiences or clothes … whatever it was, it was gone and I feel better and lighter due to that.
I have lived a more authentic life since losing that baby and that feels good. I always say the experience at the time was much larger than the benefit. However, I feel that if I spent the rest of my life living authentically, then maybe eventually I’d say it was a positive experience.
The drama is over
Now that the drama is over, it’s time to let it go. It’s time to let the anxiety I’ve held on to go away. I have been walking with Mia every day. During those walks, I’m going to visualize any worry and stress being released from my body and going into the Earth. I’m going to then visualize the Earth turning and churning that worry into a beautiful flower. I love that visual. Taking something that could be a negative and turning it into something beautiful.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Time to bundle Mia up and go for a walk!
Mary
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Why do babies have their days and night confused?
At times in the middle of the night while I’m nursing, I wonder why babies have their days and nights confused. I have been thinking about this since Mia was born. I feel it’s because of the need to bond.
During the day, there are so many distractions that keep a mother and baby from truly bonding. However, in the middle of the night, there’s no laundry to fold, or lunches to pack, or a job to go to, it’s really mother and child.
Distractions everywhere
I’ve been playing this game on my phone called, “Words with Friends.” It’s really a lot of fun. I sometimes play it at 4 am when I’m up nursing. I often think about women from hundreds of years ago who didn’t have the distraction of technology. I wonder how much of a stronger bond she may have had with her infant.
I then thought about how many times while my older kids are trying to tell me something my answer is, “Hold on while I respond to this text” or “That’s daddy on the phone, let’s talk to him and then you can tell me what’s going on.” I wonder if by the time I have a minute away from technology, my kids are still interested in telling me their story.
Texting is taking over
I have always made an effort to be available to my kids when they are with me. I don’t watch TV and I don’t talk on the phone. I find though that texting has been getting out of hand a little bit. It almost seems like I can justify it more, because it just takes a few seconds to text someone back. That snippet of time though is probably just enough to break the connection I had with the kids.
I then took it one step further and thought, “How many of us are so technology and smart phone dependant that we can’t leave home without it?” It’s so nice when you’re talking with someone to give them your full attention and to get that in return.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
I am going to make a better effort of being 100% available to whomever it is that I am talking to without the distraction of any technology.
Mary
During the day, there are so many distractions that keep a mother and baby from truly bonding. However, in the middle of the night, there’s no laundry to fold, or lunches to pack, or a job to go to, it’s really mother and child.
Distractions everywhere
I’ve been playing this game on my phone called, “Words with Friends.” It’s really a lot of fun. I sometimes play it at 4 am when I’m up nursing. I often think about women from hundreds of years ago who didn’t have the distraction of technology. I wonder how much of a stronger bond she may have had with her infant.
I then thought about how many times while my older kids are trying to tell me something my answer is, “Hold on while I respond to this text” or “That’s daddy on the phone, let’s talk to him and then you can tell me what’s going on.” I wonder if by the time I have a minute away from technology, my kids are still interested in telling me their story.
Texting is taking over
I have always made an effort to be available to my kids when they are with me. I don’t watch TV and I don’t talk on the phone. I find though that texting has been getting out of hand a little bit. It almost seems like I can justify it more, because it just takes a few seconds to text someone back. That snippet of time though is probably just enough to break the connection I had with the kids.
I then took it one step further and thought, “How many of us are so technology and smart phone dependant that we can’t leave home without it?” It’s so nice when you’re talking with someone to give them your full attention and to get that in return.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
I am going to make a better effort of being 100% available to whomever it is that I am talking to without the distraction of any technology.
Mary
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Beyond Thrilled!
My baby is four weeks old today and I am beyond thrilled! My friend gave me a card a few days before Mia was born that I am only now beginning to really understand.
The words on the front are, “After all that – she was surprised to find that she still knew the words to the song in her heart … and she began to sing along.” My friend wrote in the card, “Mary, the song you’ve carried in your heart is about to arrive.”
The Song in my heart
I have carried the song in my heart for Mia for over three years. She has come to complete our family and heal us all. The three losses we had between her and Zack were tremendous to go through. I will write more about them and the feelings around them at a later time.
I wake up at 3 am to nurse my baby and I just stare at her in awe and gratitude. I thank her for coming all the time. I knew that there was someone who was supposed to be part of our family and here she is.
We are all in love
She is wonderful. Her brothers adore her; they are constantly kissing her, holding her, singing to her and so on.
Her dad is totally smitten by her. We haven’t heard that high-pitched voice from my husband ever and he really can’t seem to talk to her in any other tone.
I am beyond gone into her and the boys. I feel so complete and content. I am hardly ever content and my husband would totally agree with that. I’m always moving and working towards something better. Mia has given me the contentment that I usually lack.
Releasing the fear
The reason I stopped writing the blog a few months ago was because I was in a constant state of fear. I realize now that getting pregnant again was one of the bravest things I have ever done. Every day of Mia’s pregnancy I worried that I would lose her.
I knew I was pregnant on Thanksgiving. I was carrying a tray of melted chocolate covered fruit and the smell of it was making me want to gag. I came home and took a pregnancy test right away. A really faint line showed up indicating I was indeed pregnant. I cried and begged God for a good outcome. I went to bed every night of my pregnancy thanking God for one more day of being pregnant and asking for a wonderful outcome. I got my wish! My prayers were heard and answered.
My job now is to release all the fear and worry that I know I’ve stored in my cells these past few years. The drama is over and I am thrilled.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
I’m going to shred zucchini from our garden to make bread before my baby wakes up!
Mary
The words on the front are, “After all that – she was surprised to find that she still knew the words to the song in her heart … and she began to sing along.” My friend wrote in the card, “Mary, the song you’ve carried in your heart is about to arrive.”
The Song in my heart
I have carried the song in my heart for Mia for over three years. She has come to complete our family and heal us all. The three losses we had between her and Zack were tremendous to go through. I will write more about them and the feelings around them at a later time.
I wake up at 3 am to nurse my baby and I just stare at her in awe and gratitude. I thank her for coming all the time. I knew that there was someone who was supposed to be part of our family and here she is.
We are all in love
She is wonderful. Her brothers adore her; they are constantly kissing her, holding her, singing to her and so on.
Her dad is totally smitten by her. We haven’t heard that high-pitched voice from my husband ever and he really can’t seem to talk to her in any other tone.
I am beyond gone into her and the boys. I feel so complete and content. I am hardly ever content and my husband would totally agree with that. I’m always moving and working towards something better. Mia has given me the contentment that I usually lack.
Releasing the fear
The reason I stopped writing the blog a few months ago was because I was in a constant state of fear. I realize now that getting pregnant again was one of the bravest things I have ever done. Every day of Mia’s pregnancy I worried that I would lose her.
I knew I was pregnant on Thanksgiving. I was carrying a tray of melted chocolate covered fruit and the smell of it was making me want to gag. I came home and took a pregnancy test right away. A really faint line showed up indicating I was indeed pregnant. I cried and begged God for a good outcome. I went to bed every night of my pregnancy thanking God for one more day of being pregnant and asking for a wonderful outcome. I got my wish! My prayers were heard and answered.
My job now is to release all the fear and worry that I know I’ve stored in my cells these past few years. The drama is over and I am thrilled.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
I’m going to shred zucchini from our garden to make bread before my baby wakes up!
Mary
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Assumptions
I’ve been thinking a lot about assumptions lately. I believe that when an assumption is made, something has been judged without all the facts. It’s pretty hard to keep an open mind about something when feelings have been hurt, but making an assumption is not going to make it any better.
Take a step back
My Yogi tea bag had a quote on it the other day that was fantastic. It said, “Don’t live your life with emotion instead live it with intuition and consciousness.” I thought that was awesome. I believe assumptions have a basis in emotion. There’s nothing wrong with emotions, they are a necessary part of life, however when they dictate your actions, that could be potentially dangerous.
I feel that when I take a step back from a situation, I am able to find compassion a lot easier. However, if my reaction is immediate, I usually end up regretting it. I find it so much better to take at least 24 hours to react to something that hurt your feelings. It allows a cool down period that is totally necessary to think clearly and not make a mountain out of a mole hill.
Not sweating the small stuff
I have been meditating a lot more lately. I find myself sitting in our garden, sipping a cup of tea in total harmony with everything around me. It has been a very settled feeling. As a consequence of that, I am of the attitude of “live and let live” once again.
A month ago, I was truly sweating the small stuff. I was getting my feelings hurt over things that were extremely trivial in the big scheme of things. I believe that was the result of my sense of imbalance from within. It doesn’t take much to achieve balance – it just takes a commitment to oneself.
Talking it through – a much better way
I had a situation the other day where I could have gotten my feelings hurt, instead I decided to talk to my friend about it and figure out the motive for her actions. Through talking about it, we both came to understand the other person’s point of view a lot better. It didn’t justify the action, but it allowed understanding and compassion to be part of it.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
A world of good comes from meditating; I’m going to keep it up!
Mary
Take a step back
My Yogi tea bag had a quote on it the other day that was fantastic. It said, “Don’t live your life with emotion instead live it with intuition and consciousness.” I thought that was awesome. I believe assumptions have a basis in emotion. There’s nothing wrong with emotions, they are a necessary part of life, however when they dictate your actions, that could be potentially dangerous.
I feel that when I take a step back from a situation, I am able to find compassion a lot easier. However, if my reaction is immediate, I usually end up regretting it. I find it so much better to take at least 24 hours to react to something that hurt your feelings. It allows a cool down period that is totally necessary to think clearly and not make a mountain out of a mole hill.
Not sweating the small stuff
I have been meditating a lot more lately. I find myself sitting in our garden, sipping a cup of tea in total harmony with everything around me. It has been a very settled feeling. As a consequence of that, I am of the attitude of “live and let live” once again.
A month ago, I was truly sweating the small stuff. I was getting my feelings hurt over things that were extremely trivial in the big scheme of things. I believe that was the result of my sense of imbalance from within. It doesn’t take much to achieve balance – it just takes a commitment to oneself.
Talking it through – a much better way
I had a situation the other day where I could have gotten my feelings hurt, instead I decided to talk to my friend about it and figure out the motive for her actions. Through talking about it, we both came to understand the other person’s point of view a lot better. It didn’t justify the action, but it allowed understanding and compassion to be part of it.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
A world of good comes from meditating; I’m going to keep it up!
Mary
Friday, June 3, 2011
Practicing what we preach?
Our son Louie is a fantastic tennis player. He takes drills with the 11 and 12 year olds without any problems. He is only eight and can totally hold his own everywhere except in a match.
My husband and I are not the parents who push our kids into anything. Above all we want our boys to have fun in everything they do. We are of the philosophy that they have their whole life to worry about everything; we certainly don’t want them worrying now.
Where did that behavior come from?
Louie wanted to play matches and so we went by his cue and set them up for him. He’s played three matches so far all of which have been painful to watch. His language is awful on the court. His confidence is totally non-existent. His shoulders droop when he loses a point.
The first time he played, we gave him the excuse of nerves. The second time he played, I gave him the excuse of not having his dad around. The third time he played, our excuses were exhausted.
Are we raising a bad sport?
We had to face the fact that maybe we had a bad sport on our hands. We talked to him about it and we realized that he was somewhat imitating our behavior on the court when he observes us play. Of course, it was totally exaggerated because it was coming from an eight-year olds perspective, but still the basis of the behavior was what he was observing us and other adults doing. He thought swearing was a must after a bad shot, because that’s what adults do.
After every match he played, he made excuses and we helped him come up with more. I realized that I did that whenever I played a match. I would say, “Oh, I can’t play that person, all she did was dink the ball. I want to play with someone who hits hard.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play that woman. She hit the ball too hard, I bet she’s in the wrong league and is not playing her level just so that she could win.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play in the heat, I was about to faint on the court.”
Are we practicing what we preach?
We thought that by talking to our son about his behavior on the court we were going to enlighten him as to proper etiquette and behavior. The truth is that we both learned a lot from our eight year old.
We learned that if we want our kid to be a good sport, then we must model being a good sport. If we want our kids to just play without making excuses, then we need to not make excuses. The whole “practice what you preach” concept definitely was not something we could ignore after our conversation.
My hope is that we can model better behavior for our children. The funny thing is that neither one of us realized how much our son was absorbing our actions. We had a book discussion the other night with one of the most amazing teachers at our school. The whole point she was trying to make is that kids imitate and when they don’t, it raises a red flag for educators. With that in mind, we have to be careful what we want our kids to imitate.
As an update, we’ve decided to stop the match playing for a while and let Louie get back to enjoying the game. We felt like the pressure that he was feeling was so unnecessary for his age. Life is supposed to be fun for an eight year old and when it’s not, the parents are doing something wrong.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Making a pact with myself to be a better role model!
Mary
My husband and I are not the parents who push our kids into anything. Above all we want our boys to have fun in everything they do. We are of the philosophy that they have their whole life to worry about everything; we certainly don’t want them worrying now.
Where did that behavior come from?
Louie wanted to play matches and so we went by his cue and set them up for him. He’s played three matches so far all of which have been painful to watch. His language is awful on the court. His confidence is totally non-existent. His shoulders droop when he loses a point.
The first time he played, we gave him the excuse of nerves. The second time he played, I gave him the excuse of not having his dad around. The third time he played, our excuses were exhausted.
Are we raising a bad sport?
We had to face the fact that maybe we had a bad sport on our hands. We talked to him about it and we realized that he was somewhat imitating our behavior on the court when he observes us play. Of course, it was totally exaggerated because it was coming from an eight-year olds perspective, but still the basis of the behavior was what he was observing us and other adults doing. He thought swearing was a must after a bad shot, because that’s what adults do.
After every match he played, he made excuses and we helped him come up with more. I realized that I did that whenever I played a match. I would say, “Oh, I can’t play that person, all she did was dink the ball. I want to play with someone who hits hard.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play that woman. She hit the ball too hard, I bet she’s in the wrong league and is not playing her level just so that she could win.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play in the heat, I was about to faint on the court.”
Are we practicing what we preach?
We thought that by talking to our son about his behavior on the court we were going to enlighten him as to proper etiquette and behavior. The truth is that we both learned a lot from our eight year old.
We learned that if we want our kid to be a good sport, then we must model being a good sport. If we want our kids to just play without making excuses, then we need to not make excuses. The whole “practice what you preach” concept definitely was not something we could ignore after our conversation.
My hope is that we can model better behavior for our children. The funny thing is that neither one of us realized how much our son was absorbing our actions. We had a book discussion the other night with one of the most amazing teachers at our school. The whole point she was trying to make is that kids imitate and when they don’t, it raises a red flag for educators. With that in mind, we have to be careful what we want our kids to imitate.
As an update, we’ve decided to stop the match playing for a while and let Louie get back to enjoying the game. We felt like the pressure that he was feeling was so unnecessary for his age. Life is supposed to be fun for an eight year old and when it’s not, the parents are doing something wrong.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Making a pact with myself to be a better role model!
Mary
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Receiving ... it feels good!
I got a nasty cough from my son last week and I still haven’t been able to shake it off. I feel fine during the day, but then I can’t sleep at night. I was at the pool yesterday and was telling my friend about it. I was also telling her that my husband was going to be out of town tonight and I didn’t know how I was going to manage the kids and dinner. She immediately offered to bring us dinner. At first I politely declined, but she told me to hush and said she was just going to bring it. I had to agree.
Finally, I am able to receive!
I have to say that as the day went on, I was so excited about the fact that I didn’t have to worry about making dinner. I ended up taking a two hour much needed nap this morning instead of going to the store.
I was then talking to another friend and she offered to take my kids to the pool for a couple of hours this evening so that I could rest. Again, I was going to decline until she made me feel like it was something she would be happy to do.
So here I am sitting on the couch, writing a blog with a full belly and my kids having fun under the watch of my friend. I have to say, it feels good. It took years of practice for me to be able to receive.
Achieving balance
I often mention contracts or life lessons and “receiving” is definitely a huge contract for many. Most of us feel so much more comfortable giving than receiving. However, the two must go hand in hand to achieve balance.
My teacher used to often tell people that if they didn’t learn how to receive, they’d end up with a broken leg with no choice but to receive. Life has a way of keeping its balance. If you allow nature to be our guide, you’ll see we have night and day, summer and winter, hot and cold and so on. I can finally say that I felt how great it is to receive.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
I’m going to make myself a cup of tea and sip it in peace until my kiddos come home!
Mary
Finally, I am able to receive!
I have to say that as the day went on, I was so excited about the fact that I didn’t have to worry about making dinner. I ended up taking a two hour much needed nap this morning instead of going to the store.
I was then talking to another friend and she offered to take my kids to the pool for a couple of hours this evening so that I could rest. Again, I was going to decline until she made me feel like it was something she would be happy to do.
So here I am sitting on the couch, writing a blog with a full belly and my kids having fun under the watch of my friend. I have to say, it feels good. It took years of practice for me to be able to receive.
Achieving balance
I often mention contracts or life lessons and “receiving” is definitely a huge contract for many. Most of us feel so much more comfortable giving than receiving. However, the two must go hand in hand to achieve balance.
My teacher used to often tell people that if they didn’t learn how to receive, they’d end up with a broken leg with no choice but to receive. Life has a way of keeping its balance. If you allow nature to be our guide, you’ll see we have night and day, summer and winter, hot and cold and so on. I can finally say that I felt how great it is to receive.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
I’m going to make myself a cup of tea and sip it in peace until my kiddos come home!
Mary
Monday, May 23, 2011
Empathizing a little to much?
My husband has always worked in the sales industry for software companies. They are quota and quarterly driven. In other words, every quarter they have to sell a certain dollar amount of software. Mind you, this is not an industry for the weak-hearted.
Ten years ago, I used to get on the roller coaster ride with him. He’d come home and say, “We’re going to miss our number this quarter and it’s going to be a disaster.” So I would react to that with, “Oh My God! What are we going to do? How are we going to pay our bills and so on?” Then the last week of the quarter would come and he’d say, “You know what, this deal that I’ve been working on is actually going to come through and we are going to exceed our number for the quarter. Isn’t that great?” I don’t know, is it?
I’ve come a long way … or have I?
I’ve come a long way from those days of worry. I’ve studied the Law of Attraction and the power of being positive. I’ve realized that our thoughts are energy and what goes around will eventually come back around. I’ve trained myself to be positive and not let the ups and downs of someone else’s journey affect me.
So now I find myself wondering why I’ve regressed to that point of 10 years ago again. I have to say I’m not quite as bad as I was, but I have been finding myself empathizing a little too much again. I need a refresher course. I need to remind myself that we are all on a journey called life. We all have chosen the challenges and lessons we’d like to overcome and no one can take that on for someone else.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of challenges and I have to honestly say that I probably wouldn’t trade any of my experiences in for anyone else’s. Death is the only one that I have a hard time saying that I’m OK with, but the reality of it is that life has birth and death in it.
We all have choices in life
I have had to remind myself lately that we are the creators of our life. We have the choice to be happy or to sit in a corner and sulk. Experiences will come our way and it is up to us to allow them to bother us or not. I haven’t been as good about that lately. I have chosen to get sick to my stomach about a lot of things.
We are all intuitive beings and very open energetically to experiences around us. My teacher used to say that if you find yourself sad for no reason, turn on the news and maybe you’ve somehow tuned into some disaster or situation somewhere. I have found that to be true on numerous occasions.
I was reading the other day about Mark Kelly’s space mission. He talked about the beauty of the Earth when viewed from space and how it’s hard to believe all the suffering that happens on it. He also talked about everyone doing their part in taking care of the Earth. I thought about that statement for a while after I read it. The only thing we can do is our part. We can’t do anyone else’s work.
I am very passionate about recycling, but my husband is not. I find recyclable plastic bottles in the trash all the time. I dig them out and put them in the recycling bin. I am not with him all the time though. He will be in a hotel somewhere and throw out a plastic shampoo bottle in the trash. All I can do is my part.
Having compassion is very different than feeling sorry for someone
What I truly am talking about is empathizing to a point where I am robbing them of their experience. I never say the words, “Poor such and such.” I find that to be a very victimizing statement. I will always have compassion because naturally that is who I am. My mom always says, “Do your part and leave the rest to God.” I’ve always found that to be a comforting statement.
I recently donated to a maternity hospital in Somalia called Edna Adan University hospital. Apparently, that part of the world is among the highest in infant and maternal mortality rates. I felt awful reading about it, but at the same time I was grateful that this wonderful woman has dedicated her life to helping these mothers and children. I also was grateful to be able to contribute to their well-being in some small financial way. That’s a much better approach than feeling hopeless and bad about it. Obviously, I just have to remind myself of that attitude more. If you’d like to check out this hospital, the link is as follows: http://www.ednahospital.org
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Obviously, I have to continue reading “The Art of Happiness!”
Mary
Ten years ago, I used to get on the roller coaster ride with him. He’d come home and say, “We’re going to miss our number this quarter and it’s going to be a disaster.” So I would react to that with, “Oh My God! What are we going to do? How are we going to pay our bills and so on?” Then the last week of the quarter would come and he’d say, “You know what, this deal that I’ve been working on is actually going to come through and we are going to exceed our number for the quarter. Isn’t that great?” I don’t know, is it?
I’ve come a long way … or have I?
I’ve come a long way from those days of worry. I’ve studied the Law of Attraction and the power of being positive. I’ve realized that our thoughts are energy and what goes around will eventually come back around. I’ve trained myself to be positive and not let the ups and downs of someone else’s journey affect me.
So now I find myself wondering why I’ve regressed to that point of 10 years ago again. I have to say I’m not quite as bad as I was, but I have been finding myself empathizing a little too much again. I need a refresher course. I need to remind myself that we are all on a journey called life. We all have chosen the challenges and lessons we’d like to overcome and no one can take that on for someone else.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of challenges and I have to honestly say that I probably wouldn’t trade any of my experiences in for anyone else’s. Death is the only one that I have a hard time saying that I’m OK with, but the reality of it is that life has birth and death in it.
We all have choices in life
I have had to remind myself lately that we are the creators of our life. We have the choice to be happy or to sit in a corner and sulk. Experiences will come our way and it is up to us to allow them to bother us or not. I haven’t been as good about that lately. I have chosen to get sick to my stomach about a lot of things.
We are all intuitive beings and very open energetically to experiences around us. My teacher used to say that if you find yourself sad for no reason, turn on the news and maybe you’ve somehow tuned into some disaster or situation somewhere. I have found that to be true on numerous occasions.
I was reading the other day about Mark Kelly’s space mission. He talked about the beauty of the Earth when viewed from space and how it’s hard to believe all the suffering that happens on it. He also talked about everyone doing their part in taking care of the Earth. I thought about that statement for a while after I read it. The only thing we can do is our part. We can’t do anyone else’s work.
I am very passionate about recycling, but my husband is not. I find recyclable plastic bottles in the trash all the time. I dig them out and put them in the recycling bin. I am not with him all the time though. He will be in a hotel somewhere and throw out a plastic shampoo bottle in the trash. All I can do is my part.
Having compassion is very different than feeling sorry for someone
What I truly am talking about is empathizing to a point where I am robbing them of their experience. I never say the words, “Poor such and such.” I find that to be a very victimizing statement. I will always have compassion because naturally that is who I am. My mom always says, “Do your part and leave the rest to God.” I’ve always found that to be a comforting statement.
I recently donated to a maternity hospital in Somalia called Edna Adan University hospital. Apparently, that part of the world is among the highest in infant and maternal mortality rates. I felt awful reading about it, but at the same time I was grateful that this wonderful woman has dedicated her life to helping these mothers and children. I also was grateful to be able to contribute to their well-being in some small financial way. That’s a much better approach than feeling hopeless and bad about it. Obviously, I just have to remind myself of that attitude more. If you’d like to check out this hospital, the link is as follows: http://www.ednahospital.org
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Obviously, I have to continue reading “The Art of Happiness!”
Mary
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