Thursday, September 29, 2011

Time to let go!

Mia turned eight weeks yesterday. I’ve finally started to realize that she’s here. I worried and stressed over having a third child for the past three years so sometimes I have to look at Mia hard to remember that the stress is over. I believe that all that worrying went somewhere and that somewhere is in my body on a cellular level.

I was telling my friend the other day that I feel a little lost as to how to get rid of it. Her suggestion was to release it in the shower and allow it to go down the drain.

This is a meditation that I’ve done for years and love. I realized at that moment that the drain in our shower has been clogged lately. I believe that is a mirror of how my emotional state is right now. I feel clogged. I feel like I just need a major release; it’s time to let it go!

What are the benefits of worry anyway?

The truth about worrying is that the outcome will be what it is regardless of how much you worry about it. I could’ve chosen to not worry during Mia’s pregnancy and enjoyed it more. Instead, I worried every moment I could and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Many people who had similar losses told me that they did the same thing, but honestly what good did that do?

My husband never worries unless there’s truly something to worry about and even then, he finds the positive in all of it. That is truly a gift. I strive to make that be part of who I am.

The experience of losing a baby…

I always say that the experience of losing a baby wasn’t all for nothing. I feel like she was a big energetic broom that swept away all that didn’t resonate with me anymore. Whether that was friendships or experiences or clothes … whatever it was, it was gone and I feel better and lighter due to that.

I have lived a more authentic life since losing that baby and that feels good. I always say the experience at the time was much larger than the benefit. However, I feel that if I spent the rest of my life living authentically, then maybe eventually I’d say it was a positive experience.

The drama is over

Now that the drama is over, it’s time to let it go. It’s time to let the anxiety I’ve held on to go away. I have been walking with Mia every day. During those walks, I’m going to visualize any worry and stress being released from my body and going into the Earth. I’m going to then visualize the Earth turning and churning that worry into a beautiful flower. I love that visual. Taking something that could be a negative and turning it into something beautiful.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Time to bundle Mia up and go for a walk!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Why do babies have their days and night confused?

At times in the middle of the night while I’m nursing, I wonder why babies have their days and nights confused. I have been thinking about this since Mia was born. I feel it’s because of the need to bond.

During the day, there are so many distractions that keep a mother and baby from truly bonding. However, in the middle of the night, there’s no laundry to fold, or lunches to pack, or a job to go to, it’s really mother and child.

Distractions everywhere

I’ve been playing this game on my phone called, “Words with Friends.” It’s really a lot of fun. I sometimes play it at 4 am when I’m up nursing. I often think about women from hundreds of years ago who didn’t have the distraction of technology. I wonder how much of a stronger bond she may have had with her infant.

I then thought about how many times while my older kids are trying to tell me something my answer is, “Hold on while I respond to this text” or “That’s daddy on the phone, let’s talk to him and then you can tell me what’s going on.” I wonder if by the time I have a minute away from technology, my kids are still interested in telling me their story.

Texting is taking over

I have always made an effort to be available to my kids when they are with me. I don’t watch TV and I don’t talk on the phone. I find though that texting has been getting out of hand a little bit. It almost seems like I can justify it more, because it just takes a few seconds to text someone back. That snippet of time though is probably just enough to break the connection I had with the kids.

I then took it one step further and thought, “How many of us are so technology and smart phone dependant that we can’t leave home without it?” It’s so nice when you’re talking with someone to give them your full attention and to get that in return.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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I am going to make a better effort of being 100% available to whomever it is that I am talking to without the distraction of any technology.