Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Truth Will Set You Free!

Have I mentioned that I LOVE Oprah! I’ve been taping her Lifeclass series and watching it with Mia during the day. I feel it’s good for my daughter to be exposed to awesome messages even at two months old.

What is my truth?

The lesson the other day was about speaking your truth. Oprah showed snippets of a show she did with Ellen DeGeneres when Ellen announced that she was gay back in 1997. Oprah’s point was that when Ellen spoke her truth and revealed her true identity, she was able to reach her potential without anything dragging her down.

I started thinking about what is my truth and what was I hiding. At that moment, I realized that my truth was that I was intuitive and that was truly my life path. Whether I wasn’t going to admit it or not, really didn’t matter as to who I really am.

I’ve always known and felt things

I remember being a kid and looking behind me constantly because I felt someone was following me. I knew when my Grandmother died.

I felt my dad’s presence the morning I took government exams in Lebanon. This is actually a cool story. Before being accepted into college in Lebanon you have to pass government exams. That morning, I was going to take my math test. I woke up really early and my mom gave me a cup of coffee in my dad’s mug. She didn’t realize that it was his mug but it took me aback a little. It was only a couple of years after he had passed and the grief was still very raw. I thought to myself though that I was going to drink out of his mug and have that be my good luck charm. When I got in my car, I kept looking over at the passenger seat because I swear I thought he was going to materialize at any moment. I felt his presence all the way until I picked up my friend. I ended up getting the second highest possible score in all of Lebanon on that math exam.

Being the best person you could be

The other inspiring thing I heard on the Oprah show was how her best friend described her. She said, “The greatest thing about Oprah is as she’s pulling herself up with one arm, she’s pulling someone else up with her other arm.” That is probably the greatest compliment a friend can give to another.

I thought about the concept of paying it forward. How awesome is it to do good deeds and not worry about getting anything back. Just do what you want to do without keeping score, drawing boundaries and worrying about it. I’ve always struggled with setting boundaries and being able to say no. This is not the same thing though. This is about being the best person you can be without borders and rules.

I love Oprah!

Have I mentioned that I love Oprah! She is truly a gift to this generation and we are lucky to have her. She said that she was the same person on stage and off stage. I thought about that too and if I ever try to be someone I am not. I realized that was only the case when I tried to be “normal” and not intuitive. Then I thought, what’s normal anyway? We are all intuitive beings. We are all spiritual, it’s just whether we decide to tap into that or not.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

I feel like this is a conversation that is still going on. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it and what is your truth. You may leave a comment below, email me to or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of

Loving this Lifeclass series!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Believe so that you can see...

I didn’t know Oprah had her own TV network! I truly feel that Oprah has enriched my life in a tremendous way. I never was a person who had to be home when her show was on just to watch it. However, I did watch it when it was convenient and I always learned so much from her.

Asking for guidance

I’ve been asking for some guidance from God lately. I feel extremely fulfilled that my family is complete. I do feel though that I have a purpose that is bigger and outside of the home. I felt that doing readings and classes was awesome and I’m wondering if that’s where my destiny lies or is it in something else. Any time I’m in a pondering state, I up my meditations and I start asking for signs to be shown to me.

I was on Facebook the other day when I saw something about Oprah having a new series called Lifeclass on her network. It immediately caught my eye and taped Wednesday night’s show. The show was essentially discussing The Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction basically says if you believe it, then it will come. You have to believe above all.

Believing before seeing

It was intriguing to see Jim Carrey on there. She had a clip on there from a previous show where he had mentioned that he would sit in his car and imagine all these great things coming to him way before he was famous. He said that it made him feel better to imagine that all these producers and film makers were interested in him.

He also wrote himself a check for $10 million dollars and gave himself three years to have that come true. He said that a few weeks before the three years was up, he was offered $10 million to make “Dumb and Dumber”.

A few weeks ago, a few of my wonderful girlfriends had a party for me to celebrate Mia’s arrival. It was really a great way to realize that the grief and worry are over, the journey is complete. Although it was a tremendously difficult journey, the end result is fantastic. It was truly a celebration. I bought each of them a gift to say thank you for a great night. The book I picked up for them was called “Believe”. The book emphasized that you have to believe in something before you can see it.

Mia was the result of my believing!

I really did that with Mia. Despite all the heartache, grief and anxiety, I believed there was one more baby out there and she was coming. I had a doctor tell me that it was crazy for me to consider having another child. I had a few readings that were all over the place.

It really didn’t matter what I heard or didn't hear, deep down, I knew. I knew that Mia was coming. I took a picture of my boys around Christmas 2009 and I could see the silhouette of another child between the boys. I never stopped believing despite anything I heard.

Getting back on track

Sometimes though that belief gets rattled and we have to get it back on track. I feel that way with my life purpose. I feel that when I was on more of a spiritual path, times were a lot tougher. I realize that I have linked the two.

I know that I have fear of stepping back into doing readings and classes, but at the same time, I feel drawn to that. I probably should start with accepting that the two paths didn’t have anything to do with one another. I was most likely going to have three pregnancy losses no matter where I was in my life and no matter what I was doing.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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It's obvious that the sign for me is to believe!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Life is too short to fold underwear

I’ve started to do some household chores in the evening lately. That seems to be the time when I can get the most done. Kids are in bed and settled, house is quiet and I can just get to things much quicker. I was folding laundry the other night. I started to fold some underwear when I realized that life is too short for that activity.

Way too organized

For those of you who know me, you know how neat and organized I am. I like things orderly. It’s always a challenge for me when things get a little chaotic. Having a two-month old in the house along with two older kids lends itself to some chaos.

I learned with my oldest that I had to let things go; things couldn’t always be as perfect as I’d like them to be. Then when the boys started getting older, I had time to make everything look perfect again. Now, I’m having to readjust again.

Then the thought came to mind, is it really a big deal if I threw the underwear in the drawer rather than having them be stacked up nicely? I’ll answer that. No, it really is not a big deal at all. As a matter of fact, it’s a big ole “who cares!”

Is it clean?

As long as things are clean, then it’s all just ok. That’s my new line with Mia whenever she’s upset. I say to her, “Its ok, it’s just ok” in a melodic voice and she settles down. I decided to say that to myself when I need to let things go too.

There are so many things that we could use to let go of and just enjoy the moment instead. It took three kids for me to finally realize that. They don’t stay small forever so I might as well enjoy.

Being in the moment is key

Everything in time will come; the ability to work-out again or to have a glass of wine or to have a super neat house and so on. There’s always a time and a place for everything. Allowing things to be what they need to be in the moment is really the best remedy. Whether I stress about it or not, it really doesn’t matter, it’ll be what it needs to be.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Mia is sleeping so I’m going to sleep too!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Time to let go!

Mia turned eight weeks yesterday. I’ve finally started to realize that she’s here. I worried and stressed over having a third child for the past three years so sometimes I have to look at Mia hard to remember that the stress is over. I believe that all that worrying went somewhere and that somewhere is in my body on a cellular level.

I was telling my friend the other day that I feel a little lost as to how to get rid of it. Her suggestion was to release it in the shower and allow it to go down the drain.

This is a meditation that I’ve done for years and love. I realized at that moment that the drain in our shower has been clogged lately. I believe that is a mirror of how my emotional state is right now. I feel clogged. I feel like I just need a major release; it’s time to let it go!

What are the benefits of worry anyway?

The truth about worrying is that the outcome will be what it is regardless of how much you worry about it. I could’ve chosen to not worry during Mia’s pregnancy and enjoyed it more. Instead, I worried every moment I could and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Many people who had similar losses told me that they did the same thing, but honestly what good did that do?

My husband never worries unless there’s truly something to worry about and even then, he finds the positive in all of it. That is truly a gift. I strive to make that be part of who I am.

The experience of losing a baby…

I always say that the experience of losing a baby wasn’t all for nothing. I feel like she was a big energetic broom that swept away all that didn’t resonate with me anymore. Whether that was friendships or experiences or clothes … whatever it was, it was gone and I feel better and lighter due to that.

I have lived a more authentic life since losing that baby and that feels good. I always say the experience at the time was much larger than the benefit. However, I feel that if I spent the rest of my life living authentically, then maybe eventually I’d say it was a positive experience.

The drama is over

Now that the drama is over, it’s time to let it go. It’s time to let the anxiety I’ve held on to go away. I have been walking with Mia every day. During those walks, I’m going to visualize any worry and stress being released from my body and going into the Earth. I’m going to then visualize the Earth turning and churning that worry into a beautiful flower. I love that visual. Taking something that could be a negative and turning it into something beautiful.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Time to bundle Mia up and go for a walk!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Why do babies have their days and night confused?

At times in the middle of the night while I’m nursing, I wonder why babies have their days and nights confused. I have been thinking about this since Mia was born. I feel it’s because of the need to bond.

During the day, there are so many distractions that keep a mother and baby from truly bonding. However, in the middle of the night, there’s no laundry to fold, or lunches to pack, or a job to go to, it’s really mother and child.

Distractions everywhere

I’ve been playing this game on my phone called, “Words with Friends.” It’s really a lot of fun. I sometimes play it at 4 am when I’m up nursing. I often think about women from hundreds of years ago who didn’t have the distraction of technology. I wonder how much of a stronger bond she may have had with her infant.

I then thought about how many times while my older kids are trying to tell me something my answer is, “Hold on while I respond to this text” or “That’s daddy on the phone, let’s talk to him and then you can tell me what’s going on.” I wonder if by the time I have a minute away from technology, my kids are still interested in telling me their story.

Texting is taking over

I have always made an effort to be available to my kids when they are with me. I don’t watch TV and I don’t talk on the phone. I find though that texting has been getting out of hand a little bit. It almost seems like I can justify it more, because it just takes a few seconds to text someone back. That snippet of time though is probably just enough to break the connection I had with the kids.

I then took it one step further and thought, “How many of us are so technology and smart phone dependant that we can’t leave home without it?” It’s so nice when you’re talking with someone to give them your full attention and to get that in return.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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I am going to make a better effort of being 100% available to whomever it is that I am talking to without the distraction of any technology.


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Beyond Thrilled!

My baby is four weeks old today and I am beyond thrilled! My friend gave me a card a few days before Mia was born that I am only now beginning to really understand.

The words on the front are, “After all that – she was surprised to find that she still knew the words to the song in her heart … and she began to sing along.” My friend wrote in the card, “Mary, the song you’ve carried in your heart is about to arrive.”

The Song in my heart

I have carried the song in my heart for Mia for over three years. She has come to complete our family and heal us all. The three losses we had between her and Zack were tremendous to go through. I will write more about them and the feelings around them at a later time.

I wake up at 3 am to nurse my baby and I just stare at her in awe and gratitude. I thank her for coming all the time. I knew that there was someone who was supposed to be part of our family and here she is.

We are all in love

She is wonderful. Her brothers adore her; they are constantly kissing her, holding her, singing to her and so on.

Her dad is totally smitten by her. We haven’t heard that high-pitched voice from my husband ever and he really can’t seem to talk to her in any other tone.

I am beyond gone into her and the boys. I feel so complete and content. I am hardly ever content and my husband would totally agree with that. I’m always moving and working towards something better. Mia has given me the contentment that I usually lack.

Releasing the fear

The reason I stopped writing the blog a few months ago was because I was in a constant state of fear. I realize now that getting pregnant again was one of the bravest things I have ever done. Every day of Mia’s pregnancy I worried that I would lose her.

I knew I was pregnant on Thanksgiving. I was carrying a tray of melted chocolate covered fruit and the smell of it was making me want to gag. I came home and took a pregnancy test right away. A really faint line showed up indicating I was indeed pregnant. I cried and begged God for a good outcome. I went to bed every night of my pregnancy thanking God for one more day of being pregnant and asking for a wonderful outcome. I got my wish! aMy prayers were heard and answered.

My job now is to release all the fear and worry that I know I’ve stored in my cells these past few years. The drama is over and I am thrilled.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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I’m going to shred zucchini from our garden to make bread before my baby wakes up!


Wednesday, June 8, 2011


I’ve been thinking a lot about assumptions lately. I believe that when an assumption is made, something has been judged without all the facts. It’s pretty hard to keep an open mind about something when feelings have been hurt, but making an assumption is not going to make it any better.

Take a step back

My Yogi tea bag had a quote on it the other day that was fantastic. It said, “Don’t live your life with emotion instead live it with intuition and consciousness.” I thought that was awesome. I believe assumptions have a basis in emotion. There’s nothing wrong with emotions, they are a necessary part of life, however when they dictate your actions, that could be potentially dangerous.

I feel that when I take a step back from a situation, I am able to find compassion a lot easier. However, if my reaction is immediate, I usually end up regretting it. I find it so much better to take at least 24 hours to react to something that hurt your feelings. It allows a cool down period that is totally necessary to think clearly and not make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Not sweating the small stuff

I have been meditating a lot more lately. I find myself sitting in our garden, sipping a cup of tea in total harmony with everything around me. It has been a very settled feeling. As a consequence of that, I am of the attitude of “live and let live” once again.

A month ago, I was truly sweating the small stuff. I was getting my feelings hurt over things that were extremely trivial in the big scheme of things. I believe that was the result of my sense of imbalance from within. It doesn’t take much to achieve balance – it just takes a commitment to oneself.

Talking it through – a much better way

I had a situation the other day where I could have gotten my feelings hurt, instead I decided to talk to my friend about it and figure out the motive for her actions. Through talking about it, we both came to understand the other person’s point of view a lot better. It didn’t justify the action, but it allowed understanding and compassion to be part of it.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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A world of good comes from meditating; I’m going to keep it up!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Practicing what we preach?

Our son Louie is a fantastic tennis player. He takes drills with the 11 and 12 year olds without any problems. He is only eight and can totally hold his own everywhere except in a match.

My husband and I are not the parents who push our kids into anything. Above all we want our boys to have fun in everything they do. We are of the philosophy that they have their whole life to worry about everything; we certainly don’t want them worrying now.

Where did that behavior come from?

Louie wanted to play matches and so we went by his cue and set them up for him. He’s played three matches so far all of which have been painful to watch. His language is awful on the court. His confidence is totally non-existent. His shoulders droop when he loses a point.

The first time he played, we gave him the excuse of nerves. The second time he played, I gave him the excuse of not having his dad around. The third time he played, our excuses were exhausted.

Are we raising a bad sport?

We had to face the fact that maybe we had a bad sport on our hands. We talked to him about it and we realized that he was somewhat imitating our behavior on the court when he observes us play. Of course, it was totally exaggerated because it was coming from an eight-year olds perspective, but still the basis of the behavior was what he was observing us and other adults doing. He thought swearing was a must after a bad shot, because that’s what adults do.

After every match he played, he made excuses and we helped him come up with more. I realized that I did that whenever I played a match. I would say, “Oh, I can’t play that person, all she did was dink the ball. I want to play with someone who hits hard.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play that woman. She hit the ball too hard, I bet she’s in the wrong league and is not playing her level just so that she could win.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play in the heat, I was about to faint on the court.”

Are we practicing what we preach?

We thought that by talking to our son about his behavior on the court we were going to enlighten him as to proper etiquette and behavior. The truth is that we both learned a lot from our eight year old.

We learned that if we want our kid to be a good sport, then we must model being a good sport. If we want our kids to just play without making excuses, then we need to not make excuses. The whole “practice what you preach” concept definitely was not something we could ignore after our conversation.

My hope is that we can model better behavior for our children. The funny thing is that neither one of us realized how much our son was absorbing our actions. We had a book discussion the other night with one of the most amazing teachers at our school. The whole point she was trying to make is that kids imitate and when they don’t, it raises a red flag for educators. With that in mind, we have to be careful what we want our kids to imitate.

As an update, we’ve decided to stop the match playing for a while and let Louie get back to enjoying the game. We felt like the pressure that he was feeling was so unnecessary for his age. Life is supposed to be fun for an eight year old and when it’s not, the parents are doing something wrong.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Making a pact with myself to be a better role model!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Receiving ... it feels good!

I got a nasty cough from my son last week and I still haven’t been able to shake it off. I feel fine during the day, but then I can’t sleep at night. I was at the pool yesterday and was telling my friend about it. I was also telling her that my husband was going to be out of town tonight and I didn’t know how I was going to manage the kids and dinner. She immediately offered to bring us dinner. At first I politely declined, but she told me to hush and said she was just going to bring it. I had to agree.

Finally, I am able to receive!

I have to say that as the day went on, I was so excited about the fact that I didn’t have to worry about making dinner. I ended up taking a two hour much needed nap this morning instead of going to the store.

I was then talking to another friend and she offered to take my kids to the pool for a couple of hours this evening so that I could rest. Again, I was going to decline until she made me feel like it was something she would be happy to do.

So here I am sitting on the couch, writing a blog with a full belly and my kids having fun under the watch of my friend. I have to say, it feels good. It took years of practice for me to be able to receive.

Achieving balance

I often mention contracts or life lessons and “receiving” is definitely a huge contract for many. Most of us feel so much more comfortable giving than receiving. However, the two must go hand in hand to achieve balance.

My teacher used to often tell people that if they didn’t learn how to receive, they’d end up with a broken leg with no choice but to receive. Life has a way of keeping its balance. If you allow nature to be our guide, you’ll see we have night and day, summer and winter, hot and cold and so on. I can finally say that I felt how great it is to receive.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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I’m going to make myself a cup of tea and sip it in peace until my kiddos come home!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Empathizing a little to much?

My husband has always worked in the sales industry for software companies. They are quota and quarterly driven. In other words, every quarter they have to sell a certain dollar amount of software. Mind you, this is not an industry for the weak-hearted.

Ten years ago, I used to get on the roller coaster ride with him. He’d come home and say, “We’re going to miss our number this quarter and it’s going to be a disaster.” So I would react to that with, “Oh My God! What are we going to do? How are we going to pay our bills and so on?” Then the last week of the quarter would come and he’d say, “You know what, this deal that I’ve been working on is actually going to come through and we are going to exceed our number for the quarter. Isn’t that great?” I don’t know, is it?

I’ve come a long way … or have I?

I’ve come a long way from those days of worry. I’ve studied the Law of Attraction and the power of being positive. I’ve realized that our thoughts are energy and what goes around will eventually come back around. I’ve trained myself to be positive and not let the ups and downs of someone else’s journey affect me.

So now I find myself wondering why I’ve regressed to that point of 10 years ago again. I have to say I’m not quite as bad as I was, but I have been finding myself empathizing a little too much again. I need a refresher course. I need to remind myself that we are all on a journey called life. We all have chosen the challenges and lessons we’d like to overcome and no one can take that on for someone else.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of challenges and I have to honestly say that I probably wouldn’t trade any of my experiences in for anyone else’s. Death is the only one that I have a hard time saying that I’m OK with, but the reality of it is that life has birth and death in it.

We all have choices in life

I have had to remind myself lately that we are the creators of our life. We have the choice to be happy or to sit in a corner and sulk. Experiences will come our way and it is up to us to allow them to bother us or not. I haven’t been as good about that lately. I have chosen to get sick to my stomach about a lot of things.

We are all intuitive beings and very open energetically to experiences around us. My teacher used to say that if you find yourself sad for no reason, turn on the news and maybe you’ve somehow tuned into some disaster or situation somewhere. I have found that to be true on numerous occasions.

I was reading the other day about Mark Kelly’s space mission. He talked about the beauty of the Earth when viewed from space and how it’s hard to believe all the suffering that happens on it. He also talked about everyone doing their part in taking care of the Earth. I thought about that statement for a while after I read it. The only thing we can do is our part. We can’t do anyone else’s work.

I am very passionate about recycling, but my husband is not. I find recyclable plastic bottles in the trash all the time. I dig them out and put them in the recycling bin. I am not with him all the time though. He will be in a hotel somewhere and throw out a plastic shampoo bottle in the trash. All I can do is my part.

Having compassion is very different than feeling sorry for someone

What I truly am talking about is empathizing to a point where I am robbing them of their experience. I never say the words, “Poor such and such.” I find that to be a very victimizing statement. I will always have compassion because naturally that is who I am. My mom always says, “Do your part and leave the rest to God.” I’ve always found that to be a comforting statement.

I recently donated to a maternity hospital in Somalia called Edna Adan University hospital. Apparently, that part of the world is among the highest in infant and maternal mortality rates. I felt awful reading about it, but at the same time I was grateful that this wonderful woman has dedicated her life to helping these mothers and children. I also was grateful to be able to contribute to their well-being in some small financial way. That’s a much better approach than feeling hopeless and bad about it. Obviously, I just have to remind myself of that attitude more. If you’d like to check out this hospital, the link is as follows:

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Obviously, I have to continue reading “The Art of Happiness!”

Thursday, May 19, 2011

"The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living"

I haven’t written a post in a while. I realized this morning that was a reflection of where I am right now. I am in a very introspective mode.

A couple of weeks ago, I realized that I felt very scattered. I can’t pinpoint the reason for that, I just was. I felt like I was getting too caught up in every little thing that was happening around me.

Things that normally I would blow off were all of a sudden turning into major stress points of my day. It’s great when I’m able to realize that and get back to center.

Going within …

I had to withdraw and go within. I find that to be the healthiest approach any time I felt as if I’m about to spiral emotionally. I meditate more and become a lot more cognizant of my interactions.

I have a library of over 100 books. I just love books. I can’t claim that I have read all of them and I am getting better about buying a book knowing I will read it at a much later time.

I was browsing my books the other day, when I came across, “The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living” by the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler. I started reading it and found that it was exactly what I needed. It’s amazing how things work out that way.

Going back in time

While reading it the other night, a paper fell out of it. It was from a day timer I had in the year 2000. On November 1, 2000 I had an appointment for a manicure at 11:30 am. That was pretty wild to see.

I started remembering my life in the year 2000. It was the year we got married, the year we moved to Colorado, the year we took tons of trips everywhere, the year I bought my first mountain bike, we didn’t have kids but we had two awesome dogs. It was fun to go back in time for a while. That exercise alone brought me happiness.

Words of wisdom from the Dalai Lama

What has stayed with me the most from reading this book so far, is the thought of compassion. The Dalai Lama implies that our whole existence is to achieve happiness and the method to do that is to have compassion for humanity.

If you have compassion, then the person who just cut you off while driving will not make you mad. If you have compassion, then you can pretty much deal with any situation that comes your way.

I’ve really thought about that concept these last couple of weeks. It’s a very settled way to be. He also says that we are inherently compassionate and happy. It’s the experiences that come our way and how we take them on, that allow negativity and sadness to become part of who we are.

He goes on to say that we need to realize what experiences make us happy and bring more of them into our life. We also have to face those experiences that don’t bring us joy and challenge them. It’s a different approach than not dealing with them at all. It’s a much healthier way to approach something.

More introspection to come

I am still in a very introspective mode. I find that when I’m there, the TV doesn’t come on at all, I hardly surf the internet and I talk much less. I feel that this book is ideal for where I am right now. As a matter of fact, the chapter I was reading last night started off with the idea of meditating when you feel things are getting a little chaotic.

The concept of chaos within your life is very personal. I find that my threshold is not as high as it used to be. I love the feeling of being balanced and find that as soon as I start leaving that center, I have an extreme need to get back to it.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Back to reading,

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Will it matter in a month?

We decided to get our hardwood floors refinished last week. I timed it to where my boys would be out of school being that I couldn’t use the kitchen for a week. I didn’t want to worry about making breakfast and packing lunches while they had school.

The daily routine

Our daily routine was breakfast out, an activity such as the Museum of Nature and Science, lunch out, yet another activity and finally came home late in the afternoon. Day one was fun and then having to be out of the house all day started to get on everyone’s nerves. After reprimanding my oldest son for some annoying thing he was doing, he answers, “Mom, give me a break. I’m only eight years old and I haven’t eaten a meal in my house for three days.” There really wasn’t much I could say to him after that. We were all ready to be back in our routine and in our comfort space.

We had to be out of the house one night so we ended up at the Westin in downtown Denver. It was fabulous. We had the greatest weather so the kids swam and I sat on a lounge chair reading my magazine. My friend sent us milk, cookies, cracker jacks and Voss water to our room. The boys thought it was better than Christmas. It was awesome.

Being out of the house was getting to me

Even after a fabulous hotel stay, I couldn’t wait to get back to the house the following morning. My husband had been out of town so I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days. I just wanted some normalcy again.

By Friday afternoon, the hardwood floor project was done. Then came the surprise of not being able to move the furniture back into that space for another week. I realized that I like things to be organized and Feng Shui happy. I couldn’t really take the couches being on top of each other much longer.

Really, in the big scheme of life, does it matter?

I had to stop myself from going any further with the internal chaos I was feeling. I decided to ask myself, “Will this matter in a year?” or “Will it matter next month?” The answer is no. This was a phase that was so temporary that there was no need to make it worse than it had to be. Everything comes to an end no matter how tiring it is. I just think being able to keep that perspective in mind while it’s going on is huge.

The entire process was four days of being out of the house and ten days of having furniture not in its place. Think about it, 14 days of my life and now that the furniture has been moved back to my perfect floors, I can look back and say it was worth it. I will keep this in mind for future experiences.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Writing this in my beautifully redone family room!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

What's up with the last minute cancelations?

I talk about life lessons or contracts every once in a while in this blog. I love this subject because it’s one that constantly comes up for me and I’m sure everyone I know. Once you’ve identified a life lesson, it becomes easier to realize when it’s there smacking you right in the face.

Boundaries … it will always be

I’ve shared that my huge life lesson is setting boundaries. This lesson used to manifest itself in the form of me not being able to say no to a request "no" matter how outrageous it was. Now, that I have mastered that ability, I find that my boundary lesson has changed. It now comes in the form of me not accepting how someone is treating me.

I used to have a friend that would constantly cancel on me. We’d set up plans to do something together and an hour or so before we were to get together, she would cancel. I never realized that was a form of boundary setting that I had yet to learn. It was an opportunity for me to quit making plans with her, yet I never did.

Lately, I’ve realized that I’ve attracted the same situation back into my life. Life lessons are like that. They will keep coming back giving you the opportunity to learn them. I was very proud of myself for recognizing the trend early this time. It just doesn’t feel good when someone feels like they can cancel on you last minute. I don’t know what the message in that is, but to me it’s implying that my time is not as valuable as theirs.

I’ll never cancel on someone just because

I’ve shared that I’ve switched from an electronic calendar to a paper one. May I add that I love it! I am constantly organized and know what’s coming up for me. I keep it at home so that I’m not burdened with the “calendar” everywhere I go. It always me a little more breathing room when committing or not to an event.

When I do commit to something though, it’s there. I will only cancel when it’s a desperate situation such as an illness otherwise, I am there. Canceling because I’m tired or because I just don’t feel like it or because I’d rather do something else is not who I am. I do have a friend who feels comfortable canceling for those reasons. That is definitely her choice in life. My choice to deal with that is to not make any plans with her. I’m just not into feeling bad anymore.

“Does it feel good?”

I’ve also shared in past posts that the one question I live by is, “Does it feel good?” If the answer is no, then that’s enough said. It just doesn’t feel good to be canceled on last minute so therefore the remedy is “don’t make plans with that person.” It doesn’t have to be a big drama deal, if we see each other socially or the kids want to play then that’s fine, but a plan that’s made ahead of time is obviously a no-no.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Hopefully a little closer to mastering the boundary lesson! I mean how many more ways can it possibly show up?


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Choices ...

My youngest son will start mostly every sentence with, “He made me do it.” My response is always, “No one can make you do anything, you make your own choices and when you do, the consequences are based on your choices.”

Granted, he’s only six years old and that concept may be a little too much for him right now. It’s easier for him to say that it is someone else’s fault anytime he’s in trouble rather than owning up to it himself.

Peer pressure?

I’ve thought about how as adults we either take responsibility for our actions or not. Is it always someone else’s fault? Really? My reply to that is anything that happens to you is a result of your choices and only your choices.

I had a friend that would peer pressure me into things I really didn’t want to do. Even as an adult, I felt like I couldn’t say “no” to the stupid thing she wanted to do next. I wouldn’t say they were terrible things, just things I really didn’t want to do. That’s when I still hadn’t figured out that I have problems saying "no" and setting boundaries.

I find that I’ve come a long way from those days. I have trained myself to think before I reply. I usually never give an answer right away. I sleep on it and then decide how I feel. I find that my decisions are a lot more balanced and peaceful that way.

The choice of a meal plan

I’ve recently put together a weekly meal plan for our family. I got the idea from a fantastic book called, “Simplicity Parenting” by Kim John Payne. Truly, it has taken the stress out of grocery shopping and figuring out meals for us. The kids have come to love fish Wednesdays just as much as staek Mondays.

It has brought predictability into our house that is truly harmonizing. Due to my meal plan, I’ve found that I am less inclined to go out to dinner during the middle of the week anymore. I used to go out with just my friends every once in a while and now I find that my choice is to not do that or set that up. It is my choice to have as many family dinners as I can. I truly love that time with my family.

Our kids take turn saying a blessing every night. I feel it allows us all to exhale and enjoy the next 45 minutes to an hour of dinner time together. We’re not as rushed and hectic anymore. Our conversations are a lot deeper than we could have imagined as well.

Our kids will tell us about their day at school and we might share how our day went. Last night, my son was asking about nuns and somehow we ended up talking about Mother Teresa and how wonderful a human being she was.

What a great experience we’ve had!

I feel that thinking about the choices we make allows us so much more depth in our lives. The choice of a meal plan and having dinner at 6:30 pm every night as a family has brought a richness to our family life that is amazing.

Our free nights are Fridays and Saturdays. That allows us the opportunity to order pizza or go out to dinner if that’s what we feel like doing. The nights when my husband is out of town, we still continue our trend and it allows the kids and I to maintain some of our balance with an unbalanced

What a great choice that was for our family!

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Thinking before acting!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Smothering my boy with love

Our boys have totally been reacting to spring. Like little bees, they’ve been buzzing and flitting everywhere. In the process, they have been driving us crazy. My one friend said, “It’s like the seed that’s trying to sprout out of the ground. It has all this energy in it that’s making it buzz and fidget, trying to make its way out of the ground.” That image of my boys having all this energy really put it in perspective for me.

That’s not to say we’ve been coping with all this extra energy calmly and peacefully. We’ve been especially frustrated with our oldest son, Louie, who just turned eight. I felt that my whole day was spent telling him to stop doing that annoying thing he was doing. The hardest thing to deal with was his lack of respect for me and my mother in addition to that extra dose of defiance he was displaying.

Meditating on the cause

I started reading a book by Henning Kohler called, “Working with Nervous, Anxious and Depressed Children.” Louie’s teacher recommended it as an excellent read for any parent of a child in the lower grades. He said, “Get past the title and read it for the content.” We are actually reading it as a second grade parent body and will be discussing it in a month.

It’s not the simplest of books to read, but the first few pages talk about every child having a guardian angel who helps them. He continues to say that we can ask their guardian angel to help us figure out what’s going on with our child prior going to sleep. I decided to meditate on Louie a few nights ago to try to figure out what was going on with all the extra emotion he was having and causing.

I woke up at three am and had my epiphany. The answer was that he felt that he wasn’t getting enough attention and consequently didn’t feel loved. Therefore, all his acting out was a form of getting attention. I thought about that without getting defensive. I know that my husband and I give him so much attention and love. That wasn’t the point though; the point was that he was feeling like that wasn’t enough.

Smothering him with love

I told my husband what I thought in the morning and he said that he could see that. We called Louie and his brother into our room and gave them the biggest bear hug and smothered them with love. We took our time in making him feel that we really, really loved and cared about him. We’ve also made an extra effort to show him that love continuously throughout the day. The amazing thing is that it worked. He’s mellowed out completely and the disrespect is gone.

Today, I happened to be hearing a lecture on CD by Kim John Payne called, “The
Compassionate Response” and it was basically saying the same thing. At times, when our kids defy us, we tend to rise up to the occasion rather than assuming that something is truly bothering them whether it is warranted in our mind or not. We treat both our kids the same, it’s just that for some reason, Louie needed an extra boost. Giving it to him has allowed that wonderful being he is to shine through again.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Can’t wait to give my boy his bear hug when I see him!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The world is a great place!

I read a book called, “Same Soul, Many Bodies” by Brian Weiss a few years ago. Brian Weiss is an expert on past lives. I attended a couple of his workshops and they were always extremely insightful. In this particular book, he talked about what people saw when he hypnotized them to the future.

I remember distinctly the opening of the book, where he mentioned that in the future the Middle East will be uninhabitable to humans. I remember thinking to myself that might happen with all the wars that erupt in that part of the world. It is very sad for me to think about that being that I am from Lebanon.

Predictions of Nostradamus 2012

The other day, I was watching “Nostradamus, 2012” on the history channel. It was talking about Nostradamus’ predictions and how a particular date in 2012 was going to be extremely ominous based on the alignment of the solar system or something along those lines.

To me it sounded like the movie was saying that it was actually the end of days. It actually scared me enough to turn it off. Although, I do readings, I don’t like predictions of this nature.

I have thought about it since I watched the few minutes of it which was about a month ago. I’ve also been thinking about the countries in the Middle East and all their unrest. I’ve been thinking about Japan and how it has been hit by a horrible natural disaster and how that might be compounded by a man-made disaster. If you watch enough news, you’d think the end of days was coming.

I refuse to believe it!

I’ve finally decided though that I am not going to believe any of it. I would like to look at it as a renewal. Maybe 2012 will mark something significant, but I am sure that it will be followed with something extremely incredible.

There are so many great people out there who are raising the vibration of the planet. For whatever reason, we are exposed to sad news more than the good news, but the awesome news is out there if we want to listen to it.

The world is a great place!

Anytime, I go pick up my boys from school and watch all the kids on the playground, I think the world is good. If we have kids like these growing up in the world, then all is good. When you see people recycling or helping an animal or helping their neighbor, there’s no other way but to feel that the world is good. Anytime, I go to the mountains and soak in their beauty, I remember all is good in the world.

I loved the movie, “The Blind Side.” It’s probably one of my all-time favorites. I love the line in the movie where Michael Oher says that his mom used to tell him to close his eyes anytime she was doing something she didn’t want him to see. Then she would tell him to open his eyes and that the world was a good place.

I feel life is going to happen. The moon is going to be close to the Earth and cause upsets in tidal waves. At the same time, when disaster happens, the world is going to respond and send relief to wherever it needs to go.

There were two little girls selling lemonade yesterday and all their proceeds were going to the aid of Japan. The world is a great place!

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Doing my part!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The winds of change

When I lost the baby a couple of years ago, we had her cremated. At the time, it didn’t feel good to do nothing with the body and a burial just seemed a little too much.

For the past month or so, I’ve been feeling the need to scatter the ashes. I just feel like that cycle is done and it’s now time for us to move on.

I would avoid looking up at the shelf where I had them stored and I just felt like holding on to her just didn’t seem right for either one of us.

Heading to the park

My husband came home for lunch this past Monday and we went to the park to scatter the ashes. It was a weird walk to the park. I had so many emotions working that I didn’t know where to start with them all.

It was a beautiful day with sunny blue skies and a slight wind. It was also the first day of spring. I thought to myself that it was truly symbolic of what it is I wanted to feel.

Spring is about rebirth and renewal. That’s how I wanted to feel. I wanted to let her go so that she can do whatever it is she needed to do and I wanted a new page turned for myself.

I couldn’t help but realize that I held some anger and resentment towards this baby. After all, I had so many messages to have another child. I felt like I was duped, because otherwise why would I be at the park scattering ashes and not at home playing with a baby.

My husband said a few nice words and asked if I wanted to do the same. I said no, I just wanted to be done with it. I thought to myself, I’m probably going to have to revisit this issue again someday, but for right now, taking this step was good enough.

All the emotion finally hit me

It was only after I got home about an hour later that all the emotions hit me. I called my friend whose mother had lost a baby as well. She completely understood my emotions and listened to me cry my eyes out.

I dried my eyes, threw some water on my face and went to get my boys from school. That is the life of a mother after all; you just sometimes need to get on with it, regardless of what it is you are feeling.

The wind’s effect

The wind had grown stronger by this point. I’ve always thought the wind aggravated me. It just does something to me that I can’t explain. I get irritable and cranky.

It’s only after I read my friends blog about her feeling the same way about the wind that I realized, I wasn’t alone in all this.

According to another friend’s explanation, “Strong west winds produce positive ions, which if you look it up are irritating. (Versus negative ions that are found by waterfalls - pleasant and peaceful.) Some cultures have even forgiven certain lawbreaking activities during these winds."

I had to think about that statement later. Maybe that was the cause of the extreme anger and irritability I was feeling later that day.

Another friend commented that maybe the wind will carry the spirit of those who have died to heaven quicker. I thought about that as well. Maybe the wind that day was an indication of Isabella’s spirit finally leaving completely and going back to heaven where it belongs.

Is it a coincidence I ended up with a really bad cold on Tuesday morning? I don’t think so. There was definitely some purging to do and here it is.

Yet among it all, plenty to celebrate

There was definitely a lot to celebrate this week though. My son’s birthday was on Tuesday. My big boy just turned eight. He is such a great kid.

Him and his brother truly bring joy to my heart like I never thought possible. He wanted his dad’s excellent chicken tacos for dinner and of course, I had to get some fabulous desserts to top that evening off.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Looking forward to a smoother road ahead!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Morning Peace

Happy Spring everyone! I love this time of year. We just planted what can be planted in our garden, the weather is beautiful on a daily basis and we’re starting to see more of our neighbors who have been hibernating for the winter.

One hour of peace

I started this trend about a month ago waking up a good hour before anyone else does in the house. I got the idea from a class I attended at our Waldorf School. The teacher was talking about allowing yourself that time in the morning to wake up in peace prior to having to make breakfast, pack lunches, get kids ready for school and get them out the door to go to school.

I have to say that this past month has been the most peaceful month I’ve had in a while. I get out of bed leisurely, I make myself a cup of tea and a little breakfast, I write a blog post, check my email or just sit there and meditate totally unhurried. It also allows me the opportunity to check my calendar and plan for my day accordingly.

I have been on the simplify kick lately. A simple solution to the chaos of the morning is to allow myself more time in the morning. As a result of that, I go to bed earlier in the evening and that has resulted in a great night of sleep almost every night. My husband has been going to bed earlier as well and that has allowed him the opportunity to work out in the morning. A work out for him is essential but he could never find the time for it.

Opportunity to look for the Morning Star

As a kid, my dad used to wake me up right before sunrise so that we could look at the Morning Star together. The Morning Star is the planet Venus. At times, when it’s a clear morning, I can look out the window and see the Morning Star shining brightly in sky. Every time I see it, I send a little love towards my dad and tell him I miss him. That has also been a wonderful experience to have in the morning.

Balance, peace and tasty breakfasts!

I feel this hour in the morning has brought such peace and balance to our household. Everyone is a little happier in the morning without that sense of urgency and rush.

Not to mention, breakfast has been a lot more elaborate due to the extra time too! On the menu this morning: omelets, turkey bacon, strawberries and cantaloupe. YUM!

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Loving the opportunity to hear the birds chirping this morning as I was about to publish this post!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The inter-connectedness of us all

I’ve been thinking a lot about Japan lately. My heart goes out to all the people who have been affected by the disasters happening.

I was reading the news the other day quoting one politician saying that we need to halt all development of nuclear plants in the United States until we see the outcome of what happens in Japan. Two sentences later, another politician was quoted saying that we shouldn’t base domestic policy on something that happened in Japan.

Us and them?

I started thinking about the idea of us and them. I thought about how there is no us and them. Anything that happens anywhere in the world affects us one way or another; it could be as simple as the fish we eat or the stock market that we have our money in or as big as knowing someone who has been affected by the disaster.

I watched a video this morning on CNN about a Japanese student studying English in California. She comes from the town that was hit by the tsunami. She has been scouring the internet for days hoping to find out that her family has survived.

Finally, a friend calls to tell her that they saw a you-tube video of her sister holding up a sign saying that they have all survived. The sign was meant for this young woman living in California. Think of all the American friends this young woman has and how they have been living her nightmare with her. Think of her host family and the anxiety they have been feeling for her.

You may watch the video by clicking on the following link:

We are all connected. We are all affected by everything that goes on anywhere.

The Seventh Generation inspiration

I love the quote, “In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations” from the Great Law of the Iroquois Confederacy. This is the inspiration for Seventh Generation products; I actually read it on one of their cleaning bottles for the first time.

The choices we make today affect our children and their children for generations to come. Therefore, we need to be very thoughtful in what we choose to hand over to them.

I heard one older Egyptian woman saying that it was her generation’s fault that her kids are having to revolt and demand their freedom. She went on to say that it was her generation’s responsibility to ensure a democracy, but they didn’t.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Paying closer attention to the choices I'm making!


Monday, March 14, 2011

Get rid of it!

I’ve been feeling the energy of the clutter on the sides of our house and in the garage the entire winter now. I can’t tell you why, but all that stuff that’s just sitting there collecting mud from the snow has been getting to me.

It’s not something I can throw out myself. My husband told me to make a list and we would tackle it this weekend. It’s like the “gods of less clutter” were on my side yesterday. My friend called to see if the boys could come over for a play date. Magically, we had a few hours open up in the afternoon to minimize.

De-cluttering … ahh what a feeling!

We started with the tool sheds that were holding so much stuff that either wasn’t working or broken. We pulled out a huge trash can and just started tossing stuff away. All the extra space in the sheds now was able to hold the items that were needed but were sitting out.

Next we moved into the garage where the bikes just sat there in the middle of the way. My husband bought hooks to mount the bikes onto the wall. My mountain bike that has now been replaced by my “happy” bike (my cruiser) needed to be moved out of the way. The trailer that we have for "the day we are going to pack our picnic" also got mounted out of the way.

The Halloween items that were just sitting there finally got put up. The goodwill items got dropped off. The empty boxes got recycled. Helmets, gloves, bats, balls and the list goes on, all got put away where they belong.

Such relief when all that stuff is gone

The energy of all that clutter being in my way every which way I turned was really getting to me. It’s like I felt suffocated every time I went through our garage. I walked into it this morning feeling such relief. That light, energetic feeling you get after a major purge is so awesome.

Consume it first

I decided a few months ago when I did a huge purge inside the house that I wasn’t going to get rid of stuff just to replace it right away. It’s made such a huge difference in our house.

Normally, by now, I would have bought my kids a ton of new shorts, t-shirts, shoes and whatever else they wouldn’t really need for about three months. This year, I’m saying, we’ll wait to see what they really will need and then we’ll go out to get it.

That idea works for the refrigerator, the freezer, the pantry, clothes and toys and so on. Consuming what we have and then replacing, has made such a difference than the other way around.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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I think my next project is round two of my closet!

Friday, March 11, 2011

It turned out for the best!

I am the ultimate recycler. My passion is the environment and I will recycle even the smallest scrap of paper in hopes of that helping in the big scheme of things. I have two recycling bins that get filled to the rim every other week.

My recycling bin disappeared

A couple of weeks ago, one of the bins grew legs and walked off. I was so upset by that. I called the city thinking that the recycling guys took one of my bins. The lady on the phone assured me that it wasn’t the city that took my bin back. She said that this happens a lot. People just take recycling bins. It seems nuts to me, they are free to get after all.

Anyway, I put in my order to get another bin and was informed it would take about six weeks. I had a plan for all my extra recyclables though; I was going to take them to Walmart’s bin. I do that a lot around the holidays or when we have huge boxes and such.

Wasted aggravation

It turned out that I didn’t need to do any of that. My new bin showed up two weeks later and it was double the size of the old bin. It actually turned out to be better for me! With the size of the new bin, I never have to take my extra recyclables anywhere. I had to think about the wasted aggravation I spent on this.

There’s an expression in Arabic that I will butcher with the translation, that says, “Don’t hate anything evil or bad, just in case it turns out for your best.” My mother says that to me every time I am in a situation that I feel is not the best. It seems like things do ultimately turn out for the best.

I am going to think of this recycling bin every time something bothers me. I will always say, “Maybe it’s for the best.”

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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Loving my super huge recycling bin!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

It's your breakfast - don't apologize for it

I went out to breakfast with a few of my friends the other morning. One of my friends was trying to custom order her breakfast all the while apologizing to the waiter. His response, which I thought was brilliant, was, “It’s your breakfast, don’t apologize for it.” I looked at my other friend and told her that was going to be my next blog post.

Isn’t that awesome? You waited in line to get into this place, you are paying for your meal, therefore the least you can expect to have is your breakfast the exact way you’d like it to be. In the big scheme of life, does it really matter if I substitute goat cheese for the feta that was supposed to come with my omelet?

What else are we compromising?

I started thinking about how many other compromises we may make on account of trying to go with the flow or not be so difficult. I heard someone say the other day, “Even if you live 100 years, that’s still not a whole lot of time.” It may feel like an eternity if you’re living life compromising and never doing what you want. It will feel like a blink of an eye when you are in the driver’s seat of your life.

I’m not going to make this post too huge because I think I’ve pretty much made my point. I have become more of a minimalist lately anyway, believing that less is more. That may have to be my next post!

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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I love goat cheese on my omelet!

Friday, February 25, 2011

I watched a Wife-swap TV show and learned something!

I was at the dentist’s office the other day when I watched an episode of “wife swap.” It was really interesting. I may have seen one other episode my whole life.

One of the women is a high powered executive and Harvard graduate. She has four kids and works full-time. The other woman is a stay-at-home mom with six kids all of whom are home-schooled.

The women’s reactions the first week in the new household

The Harvard lady was overwhelmed by the amount of housework and chaos in the house. She felt like there were no boundaries and no guidelines by which the day progressed. She felt like the husband wasn’t very helpful and really relied heavily on his wife to do a lot of the housework.

The other woman was close to tears the morning she had to drop off the younger children in day care and go to work. She felt like that was so much out of her comfort zone that she really couldn’t cope. She felt that the house lacked fun and it was extremely regimented.

What they decided to change …

It was very interesting to hear the perspective of these women when placed in the other woman’s shoes. The Harvard woman ended up finding a day care center for the younger children so that she could home-school the other children in peace.

The other woman ended up taking all the kids out of school and decided that what they needed was to learn in a different setting. She took all four of them to a farm one day. She bought all sorts of musical instruments and taught them how to play. She bought chickens and told the dad that he needed to build a chicken coop.

The amazing thing was the both woman acknowledged how much they missed their spouses and kids. They both infused so much of their comfort into their temporary new life.

However, it was the husband’s reactions that were fascinating. The dad of the six children learned how to cook and do laundry. He realized that he needed to help around the house and truly pull his weight. The dad of the four children couldn’t deal with the home-schooling bit, but acknowledged that their household was a well-oiled machine however it lacked fun.

The epiphany from this swap

When the wives returned to their homes, they kept some of what the other woman had suggested. Their biggest “aha” moment was realizing how good they really have it and how much they missed their children and husbands.

I feel for them the true experience was in trying something new. It was going somewhere totally unfamiliar to them and taking on something they thought they knew how to do. They had to realize that every situation has it’s blessings in it if they were to allow themselves the gift of being open-minded to another way of doing things.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we all allowed ourselves the opportunity to learn something new? All we need to do is try doing it a different way.

Your thoughts?

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I’m going to be more open-minded from now on!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Juliano - the greatest dog in the world

Our second pup made his way back to heaven today. Juliano or Jules as we affectionately called him was the best dog anyone could have ever hoped for. My husband got him a few months after we started dating. Our nights of going out and partying were replaced with taking Jules to the dog park. Something I wasn’t very happy about initially.

He was bred to be a show dog. I am certain that he was a king in a previous lifetime. He stood with such regality and nobleness that there was no doubt in anyone’s mind, he was of noble blood. Anyway, after a couple of months of him disrupting our singles lifestyle, we sent him back to his breeder for her to “show” him. That was actually part of the contract that my husband had with her.

I didn’t realize how much I grew to love him in that amount of time. I missed him so badly. We went to pick him up and he stood on his hind legs and hugged me. It was the most amazing sight ever. We all thought he was half human anyway in his ability to display emotion.

He loved being hugged. He would let out a very content sigh when he was close to us. He loved sleeping on our bed and loved squishing me into the fetal position. I slept like that for months on end. We never put a stop to that until our son was born. He was the ultimate protector. When I was pregnant he would stand between me and whoever I was talking to. He never let anyone get near me and actually bit the mailman when he tried to hand me a letter. What an awesome dog.

He loved playing catch. That was something that he could do for hours. He loved sitting in the sunshine and soaking up the heat. He absolutely loved eating salmon. That must have been his favorite food to eat. We living by a small lake for a while and he would find the fishiest smelling spot and roll around in it. He was the absolute best dog with kids. My friends would worry about their kids around him and my answer would always be that if you stuck your hand in his mouth he wouldn't do anything. He truly was the most gentle dog ever.

He was a sneak too. He once ate through a pair of snake skin red and black shoes that I had bought from New York. He ate through them and left them in the box. He loved getting the squeaky part out of toys and toss it to the side. He would chew through the toy like a surgeon. You would have to look hard to find out how he got it out. He once caught a mouse and kept it in his mouth alive until I screamed my head off and freaked him out.

I could go on and on about how much I love this dog and how much I’m going to miss him. I would probably fill pages and pages but it still wouldn’t be enough. No words can truly describe how I felt about him and how much I am going to miss him. He truly was the greatest dog anyone could have prayed for.

So, Jules, my puppy dog, I wish for you the ability to chase squirrels and catch mice again. I wish for you peace and happiness.

I love you,
Your human mommy

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Knowing when you've had enough

I think it’s huge when the day comes that you decide not to take it anymore. I have always had a problem with saying no and setting boundaries.

It has literally taken me years in certain situations to say, “Enough is enough!” After going through spiritual type classes and realizing that boundaries are one of my major lessons in this life, I’ve gotten better.

Boundaries will show up in all different forms. It could be your friend asking you to something that is outrageous, it could be your boss asking way to much of you at work, it could be your kids not respecting your space, it could be someone constantly interrupting you while you talk and so on, I’m sure you get the gist.

Recognize when something doesn’t feel right

It’s huge to recognize when your boundaries are being crossed and when it’s time to say no. It has everything to do with how you feel about something. Everything in life will boil down to that if you allow it to do so.

How does that make me feel? Do I really want to do that? Is that something that is in my best interest to do? All of these are essential questions to ask yourself whenever you’ve realized that you’re starting to get derailed.

It’s important to recognize that certain things can feel good for a while and then they don’t. As long as the relationship feels good, stay in it. Once it starts to make you feel bad, it’s time to evaluate.

The relationship I’m referring to could be anything. It’s your relationship with your job, with your friends, and even with the book you are reading.

Take action

I have stopped plenty of books a quarter of the way through, because I had gotten out of them what I needed and there was no need to continue on.

I’m not saying jump ship when things start heading south a little, but I am saying recognize when things are really not working for you and do something about them. All it takes sometimes is telling someone how you feel.

It’s so much easier to be authentic then to kid yourself into thinking that things are going well. That turns into internal anxiety that is not fun to go through.

I’d love to hear from you!

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Feeling better about my boundary setting!


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Gossip - does it serve any purpose at all?

I was in a situation where there was gossip going on the other day. It was such that I couldn’t walk away, I felt so weird afterwards that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I have very little tolerance for gossip. I feel that it is the worst thing anyone can ever engage in.

Have you ever played the game telephone?

It’s where you sit in a circle with a bunch of people and the first person whispers something in the person’s ear, then that person relays what they heard to the person sitting next to them and so on, until they reach the last person who says what he heard. It usually is so far off from what the original phrase was that it is so funny. Well when it’s a game it’s funny, but when it’s someone’s story it really is not.

It’s someone’s life we’re talking about

When people gossip, I think they forget that they are talking about someone’s life. A friend of mine who was getting divorced last summer, had her fair share of people talking about her. Someone said to her to not listen to all the gossip. Her answer, which was brilliant, “It may be gossip to some, but to me it’s my life.” It really is someone’s life and emotions.

Any spiritual book that you read or any spiritual speaker will tell you to stop gossiping if you’d like to raise your energy. If you want to transcend the everyday and get to that higher place spiritually, then refraining from gossip is a must. Notice how you feel after you talk about someone. It’s usually a dense, heavy feeling.

I feel gossiping is truly a form of bullying. It’s not anything that anyone can ever be 100% certain of, so then why speculate and spread rumors that may or may not be true.

The other part of it to look at is who cares? Really, when I went through my pregnancy losses, there were probably a handful of people who truly cared and the rest thought it was a good, tragic story to share. Unfortunately, it’s the juicy stories that get people’s attention.

All you can do is not engage in it yourself

After I lost the baby, a friend of mine told me that there was a woman going around our swim club starting off the conversation with, “Did you hear what happened to Mary Salfi?” My friend wanted me to confront this person and tell her to stop. Really, was I ever going to do that? If she got a thrill from spreading my news, then there’s no way to stop it.

What it did was made me realize that I will never engage in gossip myself. I will always respect other people’s lives and stories. I usually figure out when something is going to turn into gossip and respectfully, walk away. When it’s none of my business, then I have no business saying anything.

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Remembering to respect people - always!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I got offended, really?

I was at a doctor’s office the other day for a routine check-up. In hindsight, I realize that the physician’s assistant was really just doing her job, but I decided that she was a mean you-know-what.

It’s only after I left that I realized that no matter what she did, that was going to be the verdict. Why? Because I’m sick of doctor’s offices. I had my fill of going to doctor’s offices the two years I had the miscarriages that I if I never went to a doctor’s office again, I bet it’ll be OK.

Was that situation really offensive?

I started to wonder about why we get offended. Is it really because the situation was offensive or is it because we’ve had some prior experience that made us get offended? I’m not sure that I can ever generalize but I can say with confidence that in this particular situation it was due to a past experience. I didn’t want to be in that environment so therefore, I was already in a bad mood. That poor woman did not stand a chance.

Do you remember a time when you got offended by something someone did or said, but your friend who was standing there did not? That happens to me all the time when I’m with my husband. He’s the type that doesn’t allow people’s comments to bother him. He loves the saying “water off a duck’s back.”

Really in the big scheme of life, life is too short to waste your time being offended. If you don’t like something then move away and engage in something else.

In my specific case with the doctor’s office, I had to realize that it won’t be the last time I go to see a doctor, so the sooner I get over it then the better off I am. When you recognize the root of an issue, it becomes much easier to solve the problem.

So many situations happen to us in life that if we take a negative feeling with everything that happens, eventually the burden of all that will crush us. Lighten it up and take it all in stride.

It’s totally up to you as to how you live your life!

I truly believe life is a choice and how you live it is ultimately up to you. So what is that choice going to be? Is it going to be to get offended by that nasty driver, or that physician’s assistant, or that friend who’s intentions didn’t come out quite the best? I’d say, don’t waste your time on it.

I’d love to hear from you!

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Next time I go to a doctor’s office, I’m going to think whoever is helping me is really just trying to do the best job they can!