Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Beyond Thrilled!

My baby is four weeks old today and I am beyond thrilled! My friend gave me a card a few days before Mia was born that I am only now beginning to really understand.

The words on the front are, “After all that – she was surprised to find that she still knew the words to the song in her heart … and she began to sing along.” My friend wrote in the card, “Mary, the song you’ve carried in your heart is about to arrive.”

The Song in my heart

I have carried the song in my heart for Mia for over three years. She has come to complete our family and heal us all. The three losses we had between her and Zack were tremendous to go through. I will write more about them and the feelings around them at a later time.

I wake up at 3 am to nurse my baby and I just stare at her in awe and gratitude. I thank her for coming all the time. I knew that there was someone who was supposed to be part of our family and here she is.

We are all in love

She is wonderful. Her brothers adore her; they are constantly kissing her, holding her, singing to her and so on.

Her dad is totally smitten by her. We haven’t heard that high-pitched voice from my husband ever and he really can’t seem to talk to her in any other tone.

I am beyond gone into her and the boys. I feel so complete and content. I am hardly ever content and my husband would totally agree with that. I’m always moving and working towards something better. Mia has given me the contentment that I usually lack.

Releasing the fear

The reason I stopped writing the blog a few months ago was because I was in a constant state of fear. I realize now that getting pregnant again was one of the bravest things I have ever done. Every day of Mia’s pregnancy I worried that I would lose her.

I knew I was pregnant on Thanksgiving. I was carrying a tray of melted chocolate covered fruit and the smell of it was making me want to gag. I came home and took a pregnancy test right away. A really faint line showed up indicating I was indeed pregnant. I cried and begged God for a good outcome. I went to bed every night of my pregnancy thanking God for one more day of being pregnant and asking for a wonderful outcome. I got my wish! aMy prayers were heard and answered.

My job now is to release all the fear and worry that I know I’ve stored in my cells these past few years. The drama is over and I am thrilled.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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I’m going to shred zucchini from our garden to make bread before my baby wakes up!