Thursday, April 28, 2011

What's up with the last minute cancelations?

I talk about life lessons or contracts every once in a while in this blog. I love this subject because it’s one that constantly comes up for me and I’m sure everyone I know. Once you’ve identified a life lesson, it becomes easier to realize when it’s there smacking you right in the face.

Boundaries … it will always be

I’ve shared that my huge life lesson is setting boundaries. This lesson used to manifest itself in the form of me not being able to say no to a request "no" matter how outrageous it was. Now, that I have mastered that ability, I find that my boundary lesson has changed. It now comes in the form of me not accepting how someone is treating me.

I used to have a friend that would constantly cancel on me. We’d set up plans to do something together and an hour or so before we were to get together, she would cancel. I never realized that was a form of boundary setting that I had yet to learn. It was an opportunity for me to quit making plans with her, yet I never did.

Lately, I’ve realized that I’ve attracted the same situation back into my life. Life lessons are like that. They will keep coming back giving you the opportunity to learn them. I was very proud of myself for recognizing the trend early this time. It just doesn’t feel good when someone feels like they can cancel on you last minute. I don’t know what the message in that is, but to me it’s implying that my time is not as valuable as theirs.

I’ll never cancel on someone just because

I’ve shared that I’ve switched from an electronic calendar to a paper one. May I add that I love it! I am constantly organized and know what’s coming up for me. I keep it at home so that I’m not burdened with the “calendar” everywhere I go. It always me a little more breathing room when committing or not to an event.

When I do commit to something though, it’s there. I will only cancel when it’s a desperate situation such as an illness otherwise, I am there. Canceling because I’m tired or because I just don’t feel like it or because I’d rather do something else is not who I am. I do have a friend who feels comfortable canceling for those reasons. That is definitely her choice in life. My choice to deal with that is to not make any plans with her. I’m just not into feeling bad anymore.

“Does it feel good?”

I’ve also shared in past posts that the one question I live by is, “Does it feel good?” If the answer is no, then that’s enough said. It just doesn’t feel good to be canceled on last minute so therefore the remedy is “don’t make plans with that person.” It doesn’t have to be a big drama deal, if we see each other socially or the kids want to play then that’s fine, but a plan that’s made ahead of time is obviously a no-no.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

You may leave a comment below, email me to or find me on Facebook at

Hopefully a little closer to mastering the boundary lesson! I mean how many more ways can it possibly show up?



  1. Mary, did you try talking to your former friend about how you felt when she did this? Dealing with conflict in a direct and honest way using non-violent communication has been one of my biggest life challenges. I have in no way mastered this but its on my to do list! :-)

  2. Tracy, there were many conversations about how I felt. Things would change temporarily and then go back to the way they were. What I did realize over time was that people are who they are.

    I hear you about having a big life challenge. For me, it's always boundaries. Good luck with yours.