Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Beyond Thrilled!

My baby is four weeks old today and I am beyond thrilled! My friend gave me a card a few days before Mia was born that I am only now beginning to really understand.

The words on the front are, “After all that – she was surprised to find that she still knew the words to the song in her heart … and she began to sing along.” My friend wrote in the card, “Mary, the song you’ve carried in your heart is about to arrive.”

The Song in my heart

I have carried the song in my heart for Mia for over three years. She has come to complete our family and heal us all. The three losses we had between her and Zack were tremendous to go through. I will write more about them and the feelings around them at a later time.

I wake up at 3 am to nurse my baby and I just stare at her in awe and gratitude. I thank her for coming all the time. I knew that there was someone who was supposed to be part of our family and here she is.

We are all in love

She is wonderful. Her brothers adore her; they are constantly kissing her, holding her, singing to her and so on.

Her dad is totally smitten by her. We haven’t heard that high-pitched voice from my husband ever and he really can’t seem to talk to her in any other tone.

I am beyond gone into her and the boys. I feel so complete and content. I am hardly ever content and my husband would totally agree with that. I’m always moving and working towards something better. Mia has given me the contentment that I usually lack.

Releasing the fear

The reason I stopped writing the blog a few months ago was because I was in a constant state of fear. I realize now that getting pregnant again was one of the bravest things I have ever done. Every day of Mia’s pregnancy I worried that I would lose her.

I knew I was pregnant on Thanksgiving. I was carrying a tray of melted chocolate covered fruit and the smell of it was making me want to gag. I came home and took a pregnancy test right away. A really faint line showed up indicating I was indeed pregnant. I cried and begged God for a good outcome. I went to bed every night of my pregnancy thanking God for one more day of being pregnant and asking for a wonderful outcome. I got my wish! aMy prayers were heard and answered.

My job now is to release all the fear and worry that I know I’ve stored in my cells these past few years. The drama is over and I am thrilled.

Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them

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I’m going to shred zucchini from our garden to make bread before my baby wakes up!



  1. I am so happy for you, Mary. I assumed that your silence on the subject of your pregnancy and even in general was due to fear and not being ready to share. I remember seeing you this spring in the grocery store, where you were clearly pregnant. I almost purposely went a different way to spare you because I thought it might be undesirable for you to talk about your pregnancy yet. I remember feeling exposed by my belly in the late spring before I was necessarily ready to reveal it to the world at large.

    So glad you got what your heart desired - a baby girl and contentment.

  2. Thanks Tracy. I am definitely glad I went for it despite the fear. I guess while through it, I lived day by day which was really all I could do.

  3. Congratulations Mary! I love the quote and what your friend wrote in your card - it gave me chills! In many ways, I can relate.

    The blissful slowdown of just "be-ing" that a newborn brings into our lives' is just awesome! Enjoy it! And like me, try to find ways to hold on to the feeling into toddlerhood and beyond! xoxo Jody