This past Sunday was Mother's day; Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers and grandmothers out there. We went to Dallas to celebrate with my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. We went out for a fantastic brunch at Sambuca’s with all three generations; four parents, one grandparent and five kids, it was absolutely awesome.
I started to think about how great it is to be a mother and what that has really meant for me personally. It has certainly been a journey. I remember before my oldest son was born I wouldn’t even consider the option of quitting my job to stay home and raise him. He was about two weeks old when I was staring at him in my arms, he was totally content just being there all snuggled up when I thought “no one is going to take better care of him than I am and that is my job.” I called my husband to tell him that I’m quitting my job. Of course, he knew all along that I was going to do that. I just needed to get to a place where it was my decision. That phone call I made to my manager to tell him I was quitting must have been the hardest of my life. I remember I was sweating in my car while talking to him. Now I think back as to why it stressed me out so much and realize it was because I was entering into a world that I knew nothing about. Babies do not come with manuals, they come with personalities!
I fought the mom thing a long time. I went through a phase of not knowing who I was. The hardest was answering the question of “what do you do?” I would always answer “well right now I’m at home taking care of my little guy but I am an engineer by education and I worked for Nortel and T-Mobile at one point.” When I had to check the box of “homemaker” rather than “engineer” that was a little harder; I always wished there was a blank line by that box where I could explain who I was before becoming a person who took care of a baby all day.
I did go to Homeopathy school while I was pregnant with my second son. I thought that I would be able to have some sort of a part-time thing going on after he was born but he brought out the same feelings in me again. I wanted to be home with him all the time to breastfeed on demand, rock him to sleep and just enjoy him. I would sometimes complain to friends about staying home with the kids when they would answer “gosh you’re so lucky. I would love to stay home but we just can’t afford it.” That would always send me back to a place of gratitude which is where I feel I need to be as a mother anyway.
I always thank my kids on Mother’s day for giving me the opportunity to become one. My life is so much richer because of those two little boys that decided to make it and one little girl that stopped a few weeks short of coming to Earth. My five year old niece asked me why I had only two kids and not more this past weekend. She has three older brothers so our family probably seemed way too small or maybe she, like many other kids these days, is super intuitive and was picking up on my thoughts of that same exact thought. She is adorable by the way so I had to tell her that if I could guarantee one like her I would go for more. I really don’t know if that answer satisfied her but we seemed to move away from that subject. That could have partly been due to the fact that her dad brought her a plate of what was apparently the best bacon any kid had ever tasted.
I always wonder if there are more kids in my future and if there are I would welcome them with loving open arms. I gave the long drawn out explanation to “what do you do right now?” so many times that I realized the person asking me that question didn’t care for a long winded reply and quite honestly neither do I. I feel lucky and privileged to have been given the opportunity to be a mother and I constantly pray that I am the best mother I can be.
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The mom who cried at the baseball game last night because my boy scored three runs!