I mentioned before that I have my husband thinking in blogs and I absolutely love it! He suggested this blog to me.
Our oldest son is very strong and somewhat big for his age. I feel that sometimes he doesn’t realize the strength he actually does have and may hurt someone without intending to just because of his size. He was playing tackle tennis ball with his friend if that makes any sense. The game was to knock the tennis ball out of the other person’s hand and get it. If they had to tackle each other for it then so be it. Well our youngest son decided to play with them as did the friend’s sister both of which were younger and smaller in size than my son and his friend. First our youngest son gets hurt then the girl gets hurt both by our oldest. My husband and I called our oldest son to have him apologize to his brother and the other girl but he adamantly refused to do so. His point was “they chose to play this game with its rules, I didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t want to apologize.” Of course we were appalled because in our mind it just isn’t right to hit a girl even by accident.
We went in circles around this subject for hours. Our son said that he didn’t hit her, he was playing the game that she chose to be part of and he kept saying that if the same thing had happened to her brother it wouldn’t have been an issue. We tried to tell him that if someone gets hurt by accident then the right thing to do is to apologize. Finally after many threats of taking away everything he came around and had my husband right an apologetic email which her mother read to her. So did we really teach him anything or did he just want to be done with us and keep his brand new baseball cleats?
Ever since I thought about writing this blog I’ve thought about how many times a day we as adults hear or say the words “I’m sorry”. I have to say a lot! “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t hear you, I’m sorry you don’t feel well, I’m sorry your baby kept you up all night, I’m sorry you’re so stressed at work, I’m sorry your kids are practicing on two different fields the opposite ends of town” and so on.
So here’s the question; do you apologize when in your heart you feel that you’ve done nothing wrong? Do you tell someone you’re sorry for their situation when you really don’t feel bad for them? Do you just say the words to make someone else feel better even if they are not genuine? I would say from personal experience that I would find that very hard to do. I think if someone told me that work was stressful I’d say “I’m so happy for you that you have a job!” I will say that I am sorry the person feels bad if they were sick or had some misfortune happen to them.
I would say though if I need to apologize for something I don't believe I did wrong that would be next to impossible for me to do. So then the questions are 1) if I’m that way then why would I expect my son to do anything different and 2) is this something I need to work on to make myself a better person?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You may leave a comment below, email me to firstname.lastname@example.org or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
To sign up for “An Evening of Meditation” on May 20th at 7 pm you may email me to email@example.com or call 303.478.1642
Hoping not to have to say I’m sorry today!