Wednesday, January 27, 2010


I am a parent council representative for my child's class. Once a month, parent council gets together to discuss anything from dress code to how to bring our community closer together. At one of the meetings, we were discussing nutrition and kid's lunches. Lots of us who pack lunches take tremendous pride in packing a very nutritionally sound lunch for our children. One of the women there mentioned how she helped in the classrooms and noticed that a particular lunch looked somewhat odd. A few weeks later, she had the same child over to play and realized that he had a swallowing problem which explained the contents of his lunchbox. She never judged the contents of the lunch box for a moment. I would imagine she would have felt terrible later if she had passed judgment on him or his parents.

I read a Facebook comment the other day that said "those of you who say God won't give you more than you can handle then I want their God". I thought about that statement a lot. Is God also being judged? The perception of some is that God will give you only what you can handle, some believe that God will give you more than you can handle and some feel that God doesn’t have anything to do with what’s coming your way. Some actually believe that you are the creator of your destiny and God is the all-encompassing being lovingly guiding you along the way.

I feel it is human nature to notice things and compare; she’s got this but I don’t or I have that and he doesn’t. After I lost Isabella, someone asked me if I found it hard to look at pregnant women or newborn babies. Although the thought of that had really never crossed my mind, I still answered "Isabella's loss for me may be the birth of a fourth child for someone else". In other words, for someone else the challenge may be in having more kids.

I feel that when a judgment is rendered, a boundary has been crossed. I love the phrase; “to each his own”. It’s so simple yet so true. If we all lived with an awareness of doing what is right for us without worrying about anyone else that would allow us to live with incredible inner peace.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this so please comment below, email me to or find me on facebook by becoming a fan of

If you’d like to learn more about events and classes please sign up for my newsletter at

In peace,


  1. I also love "to each his own". I am working hard on living an authentic life. Being who I am without concern to what other people think. When I was a kid I was SO programmed to always worry about what other people think -- that is how I was corrected, ummm... I believe hourly. I am glad I was taught to be polite it did go a bit over and beyond. My life -- if I can move to authenticity and without worry of "what other people think" will be much less stressful! Thanks for the great post Mary!

  2. Good article! I swear each time I have judged someone, I have found myself on the other side of that judgment. Of course it didn't feel good but it was great for developing compassion and taking it forward to stop judging.

  3. Andrea - I know what you mean about being corrected all the time. It seems like sometimes being polite and going over the top were interchanged a lot. That's the challenge with our kids, finding the medium ground where we let them "move freely in life" but yet help them to become polite, respectable young people.

  4. Tracy - what a fantastic way to put it! I agree with you - it does help you develop compassion which of course is a wonderful quality to have.

  5. I used to be a very judgmental person, and was pretty much raised to be that way(much in the way Andrea mentioned)! But I started noticing that when I passed judgement on someone else, I soon found myself in a very similar situation - feeling self-conscious about what everyone else was thinking about me. It's taken some time, but I'm getting there! It seems the less I judge others the less self-conscious I feel. I, too, like the "to each his own" motto. Great post!

  6. Thank you jolibe. I too find that any time I judge I'm faced with the same situation. It's hard to have compassion for someone else unless you've been in that situation as well which is why I love the way Tracy phrased it; judgment ultimately leads you to more compassion.

  7. I recently was reflecting back to a time in my life when I was very judgmental. And I realized that it all stemmed from self-judgment first and foremost. When I started working on loving and accepting myself as I am, I judged myself AND others less. It happened naturally. LOVE for self (and others) is the "tonic" for judgment.

    Thanks Mary for all your sharing.

  8. Dawn - I completely agree wit you. It always starts and ends with us. The remedy for any issue we want to work on always starts with working on ourselves and going within.