I’ve been thinking a lot about assumptions lately. I believe that when an assumption is made, something has been judged without all the facts. It’s pretty hard to keep an open mind about something when feelings have been hurt, but making an assumption is not going to make it any better.
Take a step back
My Yogi tea bag had a quote on it the other day that was fantastic. It said, “Don’t live your life with emotion instead live it with intuition and consciousness.” I thought that was awesome. I believe assumptions have a basis in emotion. There’s nothing wrong with emotions, they are a necessary part of life, however when they dictate your actions, that could be potentially dangerous.
I feel that when I take a step back from a situation, I am able to find compassion a lot easier. However, if my reaction is immediate, I usually end up regretting it. I find it so much better to take at least 24 hours to react to something that hurt your feelings. It allows a cool down period that is totally necessary to think clearly and not make a mountain out of a mole hill.
Not sweating the small stuff
I have been meditating a lot more lately. I find myself sitting in our garden, sipping a cup of tea in total harmony with everything around me. It has been a very settled feeling. As a consequence of that, I am of the attitude of “live and let live” once again.
A month ago, I was truly sweating the small stuff. I was getting my feelings hurt over things that were extremely trivial in the big scheme of things. I believe that was the result of my sense of imbalance from within. It doesn’t take much to achieve balance – it just takes a commitment to oneself.
Talking it through – a much better way
I had a situation the other day where I could have gotten my feelings hurt, instead I decided to talk to my friend about it and figure out the motive for her actions. Through talking about it, we both came to understand the other person’s point of view a lot better. It didn’t justify the action, but it allowed understanding and compassion to be part of it.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
A world of good comes from meditating; I’m going to keep it up!
Mary
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Practicing what we preach?
Our son Louie is a fantastic tennis player. He takes drills with the 11 and 12 year olds without any problems. He is only eight and can totally hold his own everywhere except in a match.
My husband and I are not the parents who push our kids into anything. Above all we want our boys to have fun in everything they do. We are of the philosophy that they have their whole life to worry about everything; we certainly don’t want them worrying now.
Where did that behavior come from?
Louie wanted to play matches and so we went by his cue and set them up for him. He’s played three matches so far all of which have been painful to watch. His language is awful on the court. His confidence is totally non-existent. His shoulders droop when he loses a point.
The first time he played, we gave him the excuse of nerves. The second time he played, I gave him the excuse of not having his dad around. The third time he played, our excuses were exhausted.
Are we raising a bad sport?
We had to face the fact that maybe we had a bad sport on our hands. We talked to him about it and we realized that he was somewhat imitating our behavior on the court when he observes us play. Of course, it was totally exaggerated because it was coming from an eight-year olds perspective, but still the basis of the behavior was what he was observing us and other adults doing. He thought swearing was a must after a bad shot, because that’s what adults do.
After every match he played, he made excuses and we helped him come up with more. I realized that I did that whenever I played a match. I would say, “Oh, I can’t play that person, all she did was dink the ball. I want to play with someone who hits hard.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play that woman. She hit the ball too hard, I bet she’s in the wrong league and is not playing her level just so that she could win.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play in the heat, I was about to faint on the court.”
Are we practicing what we preach?
We thought that by talking to our son about his behavior on the court we were going to enlighten him as to proper etiquette and behavior. The truth is that we both learned a lot from our eight year old.
We learned that if we want our kid to be a good sport, then we must model being a good sport. If we want our kids to just play without making excuses, then we need to not make excuses. The whole “practice what you preach” concept definitely was not something we could ignore after our conversation.
My hope is that we can model better behavior for our children. The funny thing is that neither one of us realized how much our son was absorbing our actions. We had a book discussion the other night with one of the most amazing teachers at our school. The whole point she was trying to make is that kids imitate and when they don’t, it raises a red flag for educators. With that in mind, we have to be careful what we want our kids to imitate.
As an update, we’ve decided to stop the match playing for a while and let Louie get back to enjoying the game. We felt like the pressure that he was feeling was so unnecessary for his age. Life is supposed to be fun for an eight year old and when it’s not, the parents are doing something wrong.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Making a pact with myself to be a better role model!
Mary
My husband and I are not the parents who push our kids into anything. Above all we want our boys to have fun in everything they do. We are of the philosophy that they have their whole life to worry about everything; we certainly don’t want them worrying now.
Where did that behavior come from?
Louie wanted to play matches and so we went by his cue and set them up for him. He’s played three matches so far all of which have been painful to watch. His language is awful on the court. His confidence is totally non-existent. His shoulders droop when he loses a point.
The first time he played, we gave him the excuse of nerves. The second time he played, I gave him the excuse of not having his dad around. The third time he played, our excuses were exhausted.
Are we raising a bad sport?
We had to face the fact that maybe we had a bad sport on our hands. We talked to him about it and we realized that he was somewhat imitating our behavior on the court when he observes us play. Of course, it was totally exaggerated because it was coming from an eight-year olds perspective, but still the basis of the behavior was what he was observing us and other adults doing. He thought swearing was a must after a bad shot, because that’s what adults do.
After every match he played, he made excuses and we helped him come up with more. I realized that I did that whenever I played a match. I would say, “Oh, I can’t play that person, all she did was dink the ball. I want to play with someone who hits hard.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play that woman. She hit the ball too hard, I bet she’s in the wrong league and is not playing her level just so that she could win.” Or I’d say, “I can’t play in the heat, I was about to faint on the court.”
Are we practicing what we preach?
We thought that by talking to our son about his behavior on the court we were going to enlighten him as to proper etiquette and behavior. The truth is that we both learned a lot from our eight year old.
We learned that if we want our kid to be a good sport, then we must model being a good sport. If we want our kids to just play without making excuses, then we need to not make excuses. The whole “practice what you preach” concept definitely was not something we could ignore after our conversation.
My hope is that we can model better behavior for our children. The funny thing is that neither one of us realized how much our son was absorbing our actions. We had a book discussion the other night with one of the most amazing teachers at our school. The whole point she was trying to make is that kids imitate and when they don’t, it raises a red flag for educators. With that in mind, we have to be careful what we want our kids to imitate.
As an update, we’ve decided to stop the match playing for a while and let Louie get back to enjoying the game. We felt like the pressure that he was feeling was so unnecessary for his age. Life is supposed to be fun for an eight year old and when it’s not, the parents are doing something wrong.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Making a pact with myself to be a better role model!
Mary
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Receiving ... it feels good!
I got a nasty cough from my son last week and I still haven’t been able to shake it off. I feel fine during the day, but then I can’t sleep at night. I was at the pool yesterday and was telling my friend about it. I was also telling her that my husband was going to be out of town tonight and I didn’t know how I was going to manage the kids and dinner. She immediately offered to bring us dinner. At first I politely declined, but she told me to hush and said she was just going to bring it. I had to agree.
Finally, I am able to receive!
I have to say that as the day went on, I was so excited about the fact that I didn’t have to worry about making dinner. I ended up taking a two hour much needed nap this morning instead of going to the store.
I was then talking to another friend and she offered to take my kids to the pool for a couple of hours this evening so that I could rest. Again, I was going to decline until she made me feel like it was something she would be happy to do.
So here I am sitting on the couch, writing a blog with a full belly and my kids having fun under the watch of my friend. I have to say, it feels good. It took years of practice for me to be able to receive.
Achieving balance
I often mention contracts or life lessons and “receiving” is definitely a huge contract for many. Most of us feel so much more comfortable giving than receiving. However, the two must go hand in hand to achieve balance.
My teacher used to often tell people that if they didn’t learn how to receive, they’d end up with a broken leg with no choice but to receive. Life has a way of keeping its balance. If you allow nature to be our guide, you’ll see we have night and day, summer and winter, hot and cold and so on. I can finally say that I felt how great it is to receive.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
I’m going to make myself a cup of tea and sip it in peace until my kiddos come home!
Mary
Finally, I am able to receive!
I have to say that as the day went on, I was so excited about the fact that I didn’t have to worry about making dinner. I ended up taking a two hour much needed nap this morning instead of going to the store.
I was then talking to another friend and she offered to take my kids to the pool for a couple of hours this evening so that I could rest. Again, I was going to decline until she made me feel like it was something she would be happy to do.
So here I am sitting on the couch, writing a blog with a full belly and my kids having fun under the watch of my friend. I have to say, it feels good. It took years of practice for me to be able to receive.
Achieving balance
I often mention contracts or life lessons and “receiving” is definitely a huge contract for many. Most of us feel so much more comfortable giving than receiving. However, the two must go hand in hand to achieve balance.
My teacher used to often tell people that if they didn’t learn how to receive, they’d end up with a broken leg with no choice but to receive. Life has a way of keeping its balance. If you allow nature to be our guide, you’ll see we have night and day, summer and winter, hot and cold and so on. I can finally say that I felt how great it is to receive.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
I’m going to make myself a cup of tea and sip it in peace until my kiddos come home!
Mary
Monday, May 23, 2011
Empathizing a little to much?
My husband has always worked in the sales industry for software companies. They are quota and quarterly driven. In other words, every quarter they have to sell a certain dollar amount of software. Mind you, this is not an industry for the weak-hearted.
Ten years ago, I used to get on the roller coaster ride with him. He’d come home and say, “We’re going to miss our number this quarter and it’s going to be a disaster.” So I would react to that with, “Oh My God! What are we going to do? How are we going to pay our bills and so on?” Then the last week of the quarter would come and he’d say, “You know what, this deal that I’ve been working on is actually going to come through and we are going to exceed our number for the quarter. Isn’t that great?” I don’t know, is it?
I’ve come a long way … or have I?
I’ve come a long way from those days of worry. I’ve studied the Law of Attraction and the power of being positive. I’ve realized that our thoughts are energy and what goes around will eventually come back around. I’ve trained myself to be positive and not let the ups and downs of someone else’s journey affect me.
So now I find myself wondering why I’ve regressed to that point of 10 years ago again. I have to say I’m not quite as bad as I was, but I have been finding myself empathizing a little too much again. I need a refresher course. I need to remind myself that we are all on a journey called life. We all have chosen the challenges and lessons we’d like to overcome and no one can take that on for someone else.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of challenges and I have to honestly say that I probably wouldn’t trade any of my experiences in for anyone else’s. Death is the only one that I have a hard time saying that I’m OK with, but the reality of it is that life has birth and death in it.
We all have choices in life
I have had to remind myself lately that we are the creators of our life. We have the choice to be happy or to sit in a corner and sulk. Experiences will come our way and it is up to us to allow them to bother us or not. I haven’t been as good about that lately. I have chosen to get sick to my stomach about a lot of things.
We are all intuitive beings and very open energetically to experiences around us. My teacher used to say that if you find yourself sad for no reason, turn on the news and maybe you’ve somehow tuned into some disaster or situation somewhere. I have found that to be true on numerous occasions.
I was reading the other day about Mark Kelly’s space mission. He talked about the beauty of the Earth when viewed from space and how it’s hard to believe all the suffering that happens on it. He also talked about everyone doing their part in taking care of the Earth. I thought about that statement for a while after I read it. The only thing we can do is our part. We can’t do anyone else’s work.
I am very passionate about recycling, but my husband is not. I find recyclable plastic bottles in the trash all the time. I dig them out and put them in the recycling bin. I am not with him all the time though. He will be in a hotel somewhere and throw out a plastic shampoo bottle in the trash. All I can do is my part.
Having compassion is very different than feeling sorry for someone
What I truly am talking about is empathizing to a point where I am robbing them of their experience. I never say the words, “Poor such and such.” I find that to be a very victimizing statement. I will always have compassion because naturally that is who I am. My mom always says, “Do your part and leave the rest to God.” I’ve always found that to be a comforting statement.
I recently donated to a maternity hospital in Somalia called Edna Adan University hospital. Apparently, that part of the world is among the highest in infant and maternal mortality rates. I felt awful reading about it, but at the same time I was grateful that this wonderful woman has dedicated her life to helping these mothers and children. I also was grateful to be able to contribute to their well-being in some small financial way. That’s a much better approach than feeling hopeless and bad about it. Obviously, I just have to remind myself of that attitude more. If you’d like to check out this hospital, the link is as follows: http://www.ednahospital.org
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Obviously, I have to continue reading “The Art of Happiness!”
Mary
Ten years ago, I used to get on the roller coaster ride with him. He’d come home and say, “We’re going to miss our number this quarter and it’s going to be a disaster.” So I would react to that with, “Oh My God! What are we going to do? How are we going to pay our bills and so on?” Then the last week of the quarter would come and he’d say, “You know what, this deal that I’ve been working on is actually going to come through and we are going to exceed our number for the quarter. Isn’t that great?” I don’t know, is it?
I’ve come a long way … or have I?
I’ve come a long way from those days of worry. I’ve studied the Law of Attraction and the power of being positive. I’ve realized that our thoughts are energy and what goes around will eventually come back around. I’ve trained myself to be positive and not let the ups and downs of someone else’s journey affect me.
So now I find myself wondering why I’ve regressed to that point of 10 years ago again. I have to say I’m not quite as bad as I was, but I have been finding myself empathizing a little too much again. I need a refresher course. I need to remind myself that we are all on a journey called life. We all have chosen the challenges and lessons we’d like to overcome and no one can take that on for someone else.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of challenges and I have to honestly say that I probably wouldn’t trade any of my experiences in for anyone else’s. Death is the only one that I have a hard time saying that I’m OK with, but the reality of it is that life has birth and death in it.
We all have choices in life
I have had to remind myself lately that we are the creators of our life. We have the choice to be happy or to sit in a corner and sulk. Experiences will come our way and it is up to us to allow them to bother us or not. I haven’t been as good about that lately. I have chosen to get sick to my stomach about a lot of things.
We are all intuitive beings and very open energetically to experiences around us. My teacher used to say that if you find yourself sad for no reason, turn on the news and maybe you’ve somehow tuned into some disaster or situation somewhere. I have found that to be true on numerous occasions.
I was reading the other day about Mark Kelly’s space mission. He talked about the beauty of the Earth when viewed from space and how it’s hard to believe all the suffering that happens on it. He also talked about everyone doing their part in taking care of the Earth. I thought about that statement for a while after I read it. The only thing we can do is our part. We can’t do anyone else’s work.
I am very passionate about recycling, but my husband is not. I find recyclable plastic bottles in the trash all the time. I dig them out and put them in the recycling bin. I am not with him all the time though. He will be in a hotel somewhere and throw out a plastic shampoo bottle in the trash. All I can do is my part.
Having compassion is very different than feeling sorry for someone
What I truly am talking about is empathizing to a point where I am robbing them of their experience. I never say the words, “Poor such and such.” I find that to be a very victimizing statement. I will always have compassion because naturally that is who I am. My mom always says, “Do your part and leave the rest to God.” I’ve always found that to be a comforting statement.
I recently donated to a maternity hospital in Somalia called Edna Adan University hospital. Apparently, that part of the world is among the highest in infant and maternal mortality rates. I felt awful reading about it, but at the same time I was grateful that this wonderful woman has dedicated her life to helping these mothers and children. I also was grateful to be able to contribute to their well-being in some small financial way. That’s a much better approach than feeling hopeless and bad about it. Obviously, I just have to remind myself of that attitude more. If you’d like to check out this hospital, the link is as follows: http://www.ednahospital.org
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Obviously, I have to continue reading “The Art of Happiness!”
Mary
Thursday, May 19, 2011
"The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living"
I haven’t written a post in a while. I realized this morning that was a reflection of where I am right now. I am in a very introspective mode.
A couple of weeks ago, I realized that I felt very scattered. I can’t pinpoint the reason for that, I just was. I felt like I was getting too caught up in every little thing that was happening around me.
Things that normally I would blow off were all of a sudden turning into major stress points of my day. It’s great when I’m able to realize that and get back to center.
Going within …
I had to withdraw and go within. I find that to be the healthiest approach any time I felt as if I’m about to spiral emotionally. I meditate more and become a lot more cognizant of my interactions.
I have a library of over 100 books. I just love books. I can’t claim that I have read all of them and I am getting better about buying a book knowing I will read it at a much later time.
I was browsing my books the other day, when I came across, “The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living” by the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler. I started reading it and found that it was exactly what I needed. It’s amazing how things work out that way.
Going back in time
While reading it the other night, a paper fell out of it. It was from a day timer I had in the year 2000. On November 1, 2000 I had an appointment for a manicure at 11:30 am. That was pretty wild to see.
I started remembering my life in the year 2000. It was the year we got married, the year we moved to Colorado, the year we took tons of trips everywhere, the year I bought my first mountain bike, we didn’t have kids but we had two awesome dogs. It was fun to go back in time for a while. That exercise alone brought me happiness.
Words of wisdom from the Dalai Lama
What has stayed with me the most from reading this book so far, is the thought of compassion. The Dalai Lama implies that our whole existence is to achieve happiness and the method to do that is to have compassion for humanity.
If you have compassion, then the person who just cut you off while driving will not make you mad. If you have compassion, then you can pretty much deal with any situation that comes your way.
I’ve really thought about that concept these last couple of weeks. It’s a very settled way to be. He also says that we are inherently compassionate and happy. It’s the experiences that come our way and how we take them on, that allow negativity and sadness to become part of who we are.
He goes on to say that we need to realize what experiences make us happy and bring more of them into our life. We also have to face those experiences that don’t bring us joy and challenge them. It’s a different approach than not dealing with them at all. It’s a much healthier way to approach something.
More introspection to come
I am still in a very introspective mode. I find that when I’m there, the TV doesn’t come on at all, I hardly surf the internet and I talk much less. I feel that this book is ideal for where I am right now. As a matter of fact, the chapter I was reading last night started off with the idea of meditating when you feel things are getting a little chaotic.
The concept of chaos within your life is very personal. I find that my threshold is not as high as it used to be. I love the feeling of being balanced and find that as soon as I start leaving that center, I have an extreme need to get back to it.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Back to reading,
Mary
A couple of weeks ago, I realized that I felt very scattered. I can’t pinpoint the reason for that, I just was. I felt like I was getting too caught up in every little thing that was happening around me.
Things that normally I would blow off were all of a sudden turning into major stress points of my day. It’s great when I’m able to realize that and get back to center.
Going within …
I had to withdraw and go within. I find that to be the healthiest approach any time I felt as if I’m about to spiral emotionally. I meditate more and become a lot more cognizant of my interactions.
I have a library of over 100 books. I just love books. I can’t claim that I have read all of them and I am getting better about buying a book knowing I will read it at a much later time.
I was browsing my books the other day, when I came across, “The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living” by the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler. I started reading it and found that it was exactly what I needed. It’s amazing how things work out that way.
Going back in time
While reading it the other night, a paper fell out of it. It was from a day timer I had in the year 2000. On November 1, 2000 I had an appointment for a manicure at 11:30 am. That was pretty wild to see.
I started remembering my life in the year 2000. It was the year we got married, the year we moved to Colorado, the year we took tons of trips everywhere, the year I bought my first mountain bike, we didn’t have kids but we had two awesome dogs. It was fun to go back in time for a while. That exercise alone brought me happiness.
Words of wisdom from the Dalai Lama
What has stayed with me the most from reading this book so far, is the thought of compassion. The Dalai Lama implies that our whole existence is to achieve happiness and the method to do that is to have compassion for humanity.
If you have compassion, then the person who just cut you off while driving will not make you mad. If you have compassion, then you can pretty much deal with any situation that comes your way.
I’ve really thought about that concept these last couple of weeks. It’s a very settled way to be. He also says that we are inherently compassionate and happy. It’s the experiences that come our way and how we take them on, that allow negativity and sadness to become part of who we are.
He goes on to say that we need to realize what experiences make us happy and bring more of them into our life. We also have to face those experiences that don’t bring us joy and challenge them. It’s a different approach than not dealing with them at all. It’s a much healthier way to approach something.
More introspection to come
I am still in a very introspective mode. I find that when I’m there, the TV doesn’t come on at all, I hardly surf the internet and I talk much less. I feel that this book is ideal for where I am right now. As a matter of fact, the chapter I was reading last night started off with the idea of meditating when you feel things are getting a little chaotic.
The concept of chaos within your life is very personal. I find that my threshold is not as high as it used to be. I love the feeling of being balanced and find that as soon as I start leaving that center, I have an extreme need to get back to it.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Back to reading,
Mary
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Will it matter in a month?
We decided to get our hardwood floors refinished last week. I timed it to where my boys would be out of school being that I couldn’t use the kitchen for a week. I didn’t want to worry about making breakfast and packing lunches while they had school.
The daily routine
Our daily routine was breakfast out, an activity such as the Museum of Nature and Science, lunch out, yet another activity and finally came home late in the afternoon. Day one was fun and then having to be out of the house all day started to get on everyone’s nerves. After reprimanding my oldest son for some annoying thing he was doing, he answers, “Mom, give me a break. I’m only eight years old and I haven’t eaten a meal in my house for three days.” There really wasn’t much I could say to him after that. We were all ready to be back in our routine and in our comfort space.
We had to be out of the house one night so we ended up at the Westin in downtown Denver. It was fabulous. We had the greatest weather so the kids swam and I sat on a lounge chair reading my magazine. My friend sent us milk, cookies, cracker jacks and Voss water to our room. The boys thought it was better than Christmas. It was awesome.
Being out of the house was getting to me
Even after a fabulous hotel stay, I couldn’t wait to get back to the house the following morning. My husband had been out of town so I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days. I just wanted some normalcy again.
By Friday afternoon, the hardwood floor project was done. Then came the surprise of not being able to move the furniture back into that space for another week. I realized that I like things to be organized and Feng Shui happy. I couldn’t really take the couches being on top of each other much longer.
Really, in the big scheme of life, does it matter?
I had to stop myself from going any further with the internal chaos I was feeling. I decided to ask myself, “Will this matter in a year?” or “Will it matter next month?” The answer is no. This was a phase that was so temporary that there was no need to make it worse than it had to be. Everything comes to an end no matter how tiring it is. I just think being able to keep that perspective in mind while it’s going on is huge.
The entire process was four days of being out of the house and ten days of having furniture not in its place. Think about it, 14 days of my life and now that the furniture has been moved back to my perfect floors, I can look back and say it was worth it. I will keep this in mind for future experiences.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Writing this in my beautifully redone family room!
Mary
The daily routine
Our daily routine was breakfast out, an activity such as the Museum of Nature and Science, lunch out, yet another activity and finally came home late in the afternoon. Day one was fun and then having to be out of the house all day started to get on everyone’s nerves. After reprimanding my oldest son for some annoying thing he was doing, he answers, “Mom, give me a break. I’m only eight years old and I haven’t eaten a meal in my house for three days.” There really wasn’t much I could say to him after that. We were all ready to be back in our routine and in our comfort space.
We had to be out of the house one night so we ended up at the Westin in downtown Denver. It was fabulous. We had the greatest weather so the kids swam and I sat on a lounge chair reading my magazine. My friend sent us milk, cookies, cracker jacks and Voss water to our room. The boys thought it was better than Christmas. It was awesome.
Being out of the house was getting to me
Even after a fabulous hotel stay, I couldn’t wait to get back to the house the following morning. My husband had been out of town so I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days. I just wanted some normalcy again.
By Friday afternoon, the hardwood floor project was done. Then came the surprise of not being able to move the furniture back into that space for another week. I realized that I like things to be organized and Feng Shui happy. I couldn’t really take the couches being on top of each other much longer.
Really, in the big scheme of life, does it matter?
I had to stop myself from going any further with the internal chaos I was feeling. I decided to ask myself, “Will this matter in a year?” or “Will it matter next month?” The answer is no. This was a phase that was so temporary that there was no need to make it worse than it had to be. Everything comes to an end no matter how tiring it is. I just think being able to keep that perspective in mind while it’s going on is huge.
The entire process was four days of being out of the house and ten days of having furniture not in its place. Think about it, 14 days of my life and now that the furniture has been moved back to my perfect floors, I can look back and say it was worth it. I will keep this in mind for future experiences.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook marysalfi.com
Writing this in my beautifully redone family room!
Mary
Thursday, April 28, 2011
What's up with the last minute cancelations?
I talk about life lessons or contracts every once in a while in this blog. I love this subject because it’s one that constantly comes up for me and I’m sure everyone I know. Once you’ve identified a life lesson, it becomes easier to realize when it’s there smacking you right in the face.
Boundaries … it will always be
I’ve shared that my huge life lesson is setting boundaries. This lesson used to manifest itself in the form of me not being able to say no to a request "no" matter how outrageous it was. Now, that I have mastered that ability, I find that my boundary lesson has changed. It now comes in the form of me not accepting how someone is treating me.
I used to have a friend that would constantly cancel on me. We’d set up plans to do something together and an hour or so before we were to get together, she would cancel. I never realized that was a form of boundary setting that I had yet to learn. It was an opportunity for me to quit making plans with her, yet I never did.
Lately, I’ve realized that I’ve attracted the same situation back into my life. Life lessons are like that. They will keep coming back giving you the opportunity to learn them. I was very proud of myself for recognizing the trend early this time. It just doesn’t feel good when someone feels like they can cancel on you last minute. I don’t know what the message in that is, but to me it’s implying that my time is not as valuable as theirs.
I’ll never cancel on someone just because
I’ve shared that I’ve switched from an electronic calendar to a paper one. May I add that I love it! I am constantly organized and know what’s coming up for me. I keep it at home so that I’m not burdened with the “calendar” everywhere I go. It always me a little more breathing room when committing or not to an event.
When I do commit to something though, it’s there. I will only cancel when it’s a desperate situation such as an illness otherwise, I am there. Canceling because I’m tired or because I just don’t feel like it or because I’d rather do something else is not who I am. I do have a friend who feels comfortable canceling for those reasons. That is definitely her choice in life. My choice to deal with that is to not make any plans with her. I’m just not into feeling bad anymore.
“Does it feel good?”
I’ve also shared in past posts that the one question I live by is, “Does it feel good?” If the answer is no, then that’s enough said. It just doesn’t feel good to be canceled on last minute so therefore the remedy is “don’t make plans with that person.” It doesn’t have to be a big drama deal, if we see each other socially or the kids want to play then that’s fine, but a plan that’s made ahead of time is obviously a no-no.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook at marysalfi.com
Hopefully a little closer to mastering the boundary lesson! I mean how many more ways can it possibly show up?
Mary
Boundaries … it will always be
I’ve shared that my huge life lesson is setting boundaries. This lesson used to manifest itself in the form of me not being able to say no to a request "no" matter how outrageous it was. Now, that I have mastered that ability, I find that my boundary lesson has changed. It now comes in the form of me not accepting how someone is treating me.
I used to have a friend that would constantly cancel on me. We’d set up plans to do something together and an hour or so before we were to get together, she would cancel. I never realized that was a form of boundary setting that I had yet to learn. It was an opportunity for me to quit making plans with her, yet I never did.
Lately, I’ve realized that I’ve attracted the same situation back into my life. Life lessons are like that. They will keep coming back giving you the opportunity to learn them. I was very proud of myself for recognizing the trend early this time. It just doesn’t feel good when someone feels like they can cancel on you last minute. I don’t know what the message in that is, but to me it’s implying that my time is not as valuable as theirs.
I’ll never cancel on someone just because
I’ve shared that I’ve switched from an electronic calendar to a paper one. May I add that I love it! I am constantly organized and know what’s coming up for me. I keep it at home so that I’m not burdened with the “calendar” everywhere I go. It always me a little more breathing room when committing or not to an event.
When I do commit to something though, it’s there. I will only cancel when it’s a desperate situation such as an illness otherwise, I am there. Canceling because I’m tired or because I just don’t feel like it or because I’d rather do something else is not who I am. I do have a friend who feels comfortable canceling for those reasons. That is definitely her choice in life. My choice to deal with that is to not make any plans with her. I’m just not into feeling bad anymore.
“Does it feel good?”
I’ve also shared in past posts that the one question I live by is, “Does it feel good?” If the answer is no, then that’s enough said. It just doesn’t feel good to be canceled on last minute so therefore the remedy is “don’t make plans with that person.” It doesn’t have to be a big drama deal, if we see each other socially or the kids want to play then that’s fine, but a plan that’s made ahead of time is obviously a no-no.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook at marysalfi.com
Hopefully a little closer to mastering the boundary lesson! I mean how many more ways can it possibly show up?
Mary
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Choices ...
My youngest son will start mostly every sentence with, “He made me do it.” My response is always, “No one can make you do anything, you make your own choices and when you do, the consequences are based on your choices.”
Granted, he’s only six years old and that concept may be a little too much for him right now. It’s easier for him to say that it is someone else’s fault anytime he’s in trouble rather than owning up to it himself.
Peer pressure?
I’ve thought about how as adults we either take responsibility for our actions or not. Is it always someone else’s fault? Really? My reply to that is anything that happens to you is a result of your choices and only your choices.
I had a friend that would peer pressure me into things I really didn’t want to do. Even as an adult, I felt like I couldn’t say “no” to the stupid thing she wanted to do next. I wouldn’t say they were terrible things, just things I really didn’t want to do. That’s when I still hadn’t figured out that I have problems saying "no" and setting boundaries.
I find that I’ve come a long way from those days. I have trained myself to think before I reply. I usually never give an answer right away. I sleep on it and then decide how I feel. I find that my decisions are a lot more balanced and peaceful that way.
The choice of a meal plan
I’ve recently put together a weekly meal plan for our family. I got the idea from a fantastic book called, “Simplicity Parenting” by Kim John Payne. Truly, it has taken the stress out of grocery shopping and figuring out meals for us. The kids have come to love fish Wednesdays just as much as staek Mondays.
It has brought predictability into our house that is truly harmonizing. Due to my meal plan, I’ve found that I am less inclined to go out to dinner during the middle of the week anymore. I used to go out with just my friends every once in a while and now I find that my choice is to not do that or set that up. It is my choice to have as many family dinners as I can. I truly love that time with my family.
Our kids take turn saying a blessing every night. I feel it allows us all to exhale and enjoy the next 45 minutes to an hour of dinner time together. We’re not as rushed and hectic anymore. Our conversations are a lot deeper than we could have imagined as well.
Our kids will tell us about their day at school and we might share how our day went. Last night, my son was asking about nuns and somehow we ended up talking about Mother Teresa and how wonderful a human being she was.
What a great experience we’ve had!
I feel that thinking about the choices we make allows us so much more depth in our lives. The choice of a meal plan and having dinner at 6:30 pm every night as a family has brought a richness to our family life that is amazing.
Our free nights are Fridays and Saturdays. That allows us the opportunity to order pizza or go out to dinner if that’s what we feel like doing. The nights when my husband is out of town, we still continue our trend and it allows the kids and I to maintain some of our balance with an unbalanced
situation.
What a great choice that was for our family!
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by "liking" marysalfi.com
Thinking before acting!
Mary
Granted, he’s only six years old and that concept may be a little too much for him right now. It’s easier for him to say that it is someone else’s fault anytime he’s in trouble rather than owning up to it himself.
Peer pressure?
I’ve thought about how as adults we either take responsibility for our actions or not. Is it always someone else’s fault? Really? My reply to that is anything that happens to you is a result of your choices and only your choices.
I had a friend that would peer pressure me into things I really didn’t want to do. Even as an adult, I felt like I couldn’t say “no” to the stupid thing she wanted to do next. I wouldn’t say they were terrible things, just things I really didn’t want to do. That’s when I still hadn’t figured out that I have problems saying "no" and setting boundaries.
I find that I’ve come a long way from those days. I have trained myself to think before I reply. I usually never give an answer right away. I sleep on it and then decide how I feel. I find that my decisions are a lot more balanced and peaceful that way.
The choice of a meal plan
I’ve recently put together a weekly meal plan for our family. I got the idea from a fantastic book called, “Simplicity Parenting” by Kim John Payne. Truly, it has taken the stress out of grocery shopping and figuring out meals for us. The kids have come to love fish Wednesdays just as much as staek Mondays.
It has brought predictability into our house that is truly harmonizing. Due to my meal plan, I’ve found that I am less inclined to go out to dinner during the middle of the week anymore. I used to go out with just my friends every once in a while and now I find that my choice is to not do that or set that up. It is my choice to have as many family dinners as I can. I truly love that time with my family.
Our kids take turn saying a blessing every night. I feel it allows us all to exhale and enjoy the next 45 minutes to an hour of dinner time together. We’re not as rushed and hectic anymore. Our conversations are a lot deeper than we could have imagined as well.
Our kids will tell us about their day at school and we might share how our day went. Last night, my son was asking about nuns and somehow we ended up talking about Mother Teresa and how wonderful a human being she was.
What a great experience we’ve had!
I feel that thinking about the choices we make allows us so much more depth in our lives. The choice of a meal plan and having dinner at 6:30 pm every night as a family has brought a richness to our family life that is amazing.
Our free nights are Fridays and Saturdays. That allows us the opportunity to order pizza or go out to dinner if that’s what we feel like doing. The nights when my husband is out of town, we still continue our trend and it allows the kids and I to maintain some of our balance with an unbalanced
situation.
What a great choice that was for our family!
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by "liking" marysalfi.com
Thinking before acting!
Mary
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Smothering my boy with love
Our boys have totally been reacting to spring. Like little bees, they’ve been buzzing and flitting everywhere. In the process, they have been driving us crazy. My one friend said, “It’s like the seed that’s trying to sprout out of the ground. It has all this energy in it that’s making it buzz and fidget, trying to make its way out of the ground.” That image of my boys having all this energy really put it in perspective for me.
That’s not to say we’ve been coping with all this extra energy calmly and peacefully. We’ve been especially frustrated with our oldest son, Louie, who just turned eight. I felt that my whole day was spent telling him to stop doing that annoying thing he was doing. The hardest thing to deal with was his lack of respect for me and my mother in addition to that extra dose of defiance he was displaying.
Meditating on the cause
I started reading a book by Henning Kohler called, “Working with Nervous, Anxious and Depressed Children.” Louie’s teacher recommended it as an excellent read for any parent of a child in the lower grades. He said, “Get past the title and read it for the content.” We are actually reading it as a second grade parent body and will be discussing it in a month.
It’s not the simplest of books to read, but the first few pages talk about every child having a guardian angel who helps them. He continues to say that we can ask their guardian angel to help us figure out what’s going on with our child prior going to sleep. I decided to meditate on Louie a few nights ago to try to figure out what was going on with all the extra emotion he was having and causing.
I woke up at three am and had my epiphany. The answer was that he felt that he wasn’t getting enough attention and consequently didn’t feel loved. Therefore, all his acting out was a form of getting attention. I thought about that without getting defensive. I know that my husband and I give him so much attention and love. That wasn’t the point though; the point was that he was feeling like that wasn’t enough.
Smothering him with love
I told my husband what I thought in the morning and he said that he could see that. We called Louie and his brother into our room and gave them the biggest bear hug and smothered them with love. We took our time in making him feel that we really, really loved and cared about him. We’ve also made an extra effort to show him that love continuously throughout the day. The amazing thing is that it worked. He’s mellowed out completely and the disrespect is gone.
Today, I happened to be hearing a lecture on CD by Kim John Payne called, “The
Compassionate Response” and it was basically saying the same thing. At times, when our kids defy us, we tend to rise up to the occasion rather than assuming that something is truly bothering them whether it is warranted in our mind or not. We treat both our kids the same, it’s just that for some reason, Louie needed an extra boost. Giving it to him has allowed that wonderful being he is to shine through again.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
Can’t wait to give my boy his bear hug when I see him!
Mary
That’s not to say we’ve been coping with all this extra energy calmly and peacefully. We’ve been especially frustrated with our oldest son, Louie, who just turned eight. I felt that my whole day was spent telling him to stop doing that annoying thing he was doing. The hardest thing to deal with was his lack of respect for me and my mother in addition to that extra dose of defiance he was displaying.
Meditating on the cause
I started reading a book by Henning Kohler called, “Working with Nervous, Anxious and Depressed Children.” Louie’s teacher recommended it as an excellent read for any parent of a child in the lower grades. He said, “Get past the title and read it for the content.” We are actually reading it as a second grade parent body and will be discussing it in a month.
It’s not the simplest of books to read, but the first few pages talk about every child having a guardian angel who helps them. He continues to say that we can ask their guardian angel to help us figure out what’s going on with our child prior going to sleep. I decided to meditate on Louie a few nights ago to try to figure out what was going on with all the extra emotion he was having and causing.
I woke up at three am and had my epiphany. The answer was that he felt that he wasn’t getting enough attention and consequently didn’t feel loved. Therefore, all his acting out was a form of getting attention. I thought about that without getting defensive. I know that my husband and I give him so much attention and love. That wasn’t the point though; the point was that he was feeling like that wasn’t enough.
Smothering him with love
I told my husband what I thought in the morning and he said that he could see that. We called Louie and his brother into our room and gave them the biggest bear hug and smothered them with love. We took our time in making him feel that we really, really loved and cared about him. We’ve also made an extra effort to show him that love continuously throughout the day. The amazing thing is that it worked. He’s mellowed out completely and the disrespect is gone.
Today, I happened to be hearing a lecture on CD by Kim John Payne called, “The
Compassionate Response” and it was basically saying the same thing. At times, when our kids defy us, we tend to rise up to the occasion rather than assuming that something is truly bothering them whether it is warranted in our mind or not. We treat both our kids the same, it’s just that for some reason, Louie needed an extra boost. Giving it to him has allowed that wonderful being he is to shine through again.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
Can’t wait to give my boy his bear hug when I see him!
Mary
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The world is a great place!
I read a book called, “Same Soul, Many Bodies” by Brian Weiss a few years ago. Brian Weiss is an expert on past lives. I attended a couple of his workshops and they were always extremely insightful. In this particular book, he talked about what people saw when he hypnotized them to the future.
I remember distinctly the opening of the book, where he mentioned that in the future the Middle East will be uninhabitable to humans. I remember thinking to myself that might happen with all the wars that erupt in that part of the world. It is very sad for me to think about that being that I am from Lebanon.
Predictions of Nostradamus 2012
The other day, I was watching “Nostradamus, 2012” on the history channel. It was talking about Nostradamus’ predictions and how a particular date in 2012 was going to be extremely ominous based on the alignment of the solar system or something along those lines.
To me it sounded like the movie was saying that it was actually the end of days. It actually scared me enough to turn it off. Although, I do readings, I don’t like predictions of this nature.
I have thought about it since I watched the few minutes of it which was about a month ago. I’ve also been thinking about the countries in the Middle East and all their unrest. I’ve been thinking about Japan and how it has been hit by a horrible natural disaster and how that might be compounded by a man-made disaster. If you watch enough news, you’d think the end of days was coming.
I refuse to believe it!
I’ve finally decided though that I am not going to believe any of it. I would like to look at it as a renewal. Maybe 2012 will mark something significant, but I am sure that it will be followed with something extremely incredible.
There are so many great people out there who are raising the vibration of the planet. For whatever reason, we are exposed to sad news more than the good news, but the awesome news is out there if we want to listen to it.
The world is a great place!
Anytime, I go pick up my boys from school and watch all the kids on the playground, I think the world is good. If we have kids like these growing up in the world, then all is good. When you see people recycling or helping an animal or helping their neighbor, there’s no other way but to feel that the world is good. Anytime, I go to the mountains and soak in their beauty, I remember all is good in the world.
I loved the movie, “The Blind Side.” It’s probably one of my all-time favorites. I love the line in the movie where Michael Oher says that his mom used to tell him to close his eyes anytime she was doing something she didn’t want him to see. Then she would tell him to open his eyes and that the world was a good place.
I feel life is going to happen. The moon is going to be close to the Earth and cause upsets in tidal waves. At the same time, when disaster happens, the world is going to respond and send relief to wherever it needs to go.
There were two little girls selling lemonade yesterday and all their proceeds were going to the aid of Japan. The world is a great place!
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
Doing my part!
Mary
I remember distinctly the opening of the book, where he mentioned that in the future the Middle East will be uninhabitable to humans. I remember thinking to myself that might happen with all the wars that erupt in that part of the world. It is very sad for me to think about that being that I am from Lebanon.
Predictions of Nostradamus 2012
The other day, I was watching “Nostradamus, 2012” on the history channel. It was talking about Nostradamus’ predictions and how a particular date in 2012 was going to be extremely ominous based on the alignment of the solar system or something along those lines.
To me it sounded like the movie was saying that it was actually the end of days. It actually scared me enough to turn it off. Although, I do readings, I don’t like predictions of this nature.
I have thought about it since I watched the few minutes of it which was about a month ago. I’ve also been thinking about the countries in the Middle East and all their unrest. I’ve been thinking about Japan and how it has been hit by a horrible natural disaster and how that might be compounded by a man-made disaster. If you watch enough news, you’d think the end of days was coming.
I refuse to believe it!
I’ve finally decided though that I am not going to believe any of it. I would like to look at it as a renewal. Maybe 2012 will mark something significant, but I am sure that it will be followed with something extremely incredible.
There are so many great people out there who are raising the vibration of the planet. For whatever reason, we are exposed to sad news more than the good news, but the awesome news is out there if we want to listen to it.
The world is a great place!
Anytime, I go pick up my boys from school and watch all the kids on the playground, I think the world is good. If we have kids like these growing up in the world, then all is good. When you see people recycling or helping an animal or helping their neighbor, there’s no other way but to feel that the world is good. Anytime, I go to the mountains and soak in their beauty, I remember all is good in the world.
I loved the movie, “The Blind Side.” It’s probably one of my all-time favorites. I love the line in the movie where Michael Oher says that his mom used to tell him to close his eyes anytime she was doing something she didn’t want him to see. Then she would tell him to open his eyes and that the world was a good place.
I feel life is going to happen. The moon is going to be close to the Earth and cause upsets in tidal waves. At the same time, when disaster happens, the world is going to respond and send relief to wherever it needs to go.
There were two little girls selling lemonade yesterday and all their proceeds were going to the aid of Japan. The world is a great place!
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
Doing my part!
Mary
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