I had an epiphany this morning. I had decided to slow down doing readings and teaching classes for a while to see how I would feel. After my experience last year of almost losing my life, the thought of maybe not being around for my kids totally freaked me out.
I decided that I wanted to be more available to do things with them. Since my business was mostly part-time, I thought of eliminating the classes and readings to see how things would work out.
Don’t get me wrong, I totally love doing readings and teaching classes but it just didn’t feel like it was the right time. I didn’t realize that by doing that, I was giving motherhood a chance for the first time.
Making the decision to quit my job was difficult
It is so hard to be a working professional and then to become a full-time mom. I felt like I had lost a part of me the day I decided to quit my job to stay at home with my newborn son. I didn’t realize that it would be greatest gift anyone could give me.
On some level, I still fought the idea without even knowing it. I went to homeopathy school while I was pregnant with our second child. I attended spiritual classes while my boys were one and three for a total of three years. I started my business while my boys were two and four. I felt at the time that I had a balance of career and motherhood, but now realize that I really didn’t.
I was always struggling to find time to do things with my kids because I was always trying to catch up. You’ve heard the saying “there’s a time and a place for everything” and I wasn’t giving motherhood the time that it needed.
Giving motherhood a chance
I was talking to a friend of mine this morning when I told her that this was the first time I was giving motherhood a chance and it really feels great.
I have plenty of time to go on every field trip that my kids have, I volunteer in the classroom, I am part of a group working on a student conduct code for our school, I have time to grocery shop while my kids are in school, I cook about five times a week a fantastic dinner for them and all of this feels so good and so right.
I’m still very much needed at the moment
I will come back to readings and lecturing, but when my boys are a little older. I feel the older my boys get, the more time they need and not the other way around. They may be able to entertain themselves by playing without me now, but they absolutely need me to help them with their lives.
After a couple of weeks of volunteering a lot at their school, I asked my son if I could skip one of his events and his answer was, “Mom, that’s your job. It’s your job to go with me kite flying for Michaelmas.” I told him that he was right and I was going to be there.
I was doing laundry yesterday and thought to myself that I really ought to find a day other than Sunday to do laundry. My mom never does anything other than have fun on Sunday. She feels that it is a day of rest that is necessary for everyone. I thought to myself, how many American families devote a whole day to be a family day and a rest day? I would guess that not one family does that.
Your thoughts … I’d love to hear them
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
Getting ready to bake pumpkin bread for my boys! Oh, the wonderful smell of pumpkin bread in the oven, snow outside, fireplace on, life is definitely good!
Mary
Hi Mary. Interesting piece. This is not something us guys would think of in our Dad role. Always out there hunting. Is it the Mom gene kicking in? Certainly, down the road your boys will be better adjusted and balanced for your presence. But the day will come when they don't need so much of you. And then, will you be known only as the boy's Mom, or as Mary, who knows what she wants and needs, and can get it?
ReplyDeleteHi Mary - Interesting piece. Not a subject us guys would think about in our Dad role. Just think about 'hunting'. Is it the Mom gene kicking in? Certainly, down the road, the boys will be better adjusted and balanced by your presense. But one day, they won't need as much of you. And when that day comes, will you be known as the boys' Mom, or Mary, who knows what she wants, and where she is going?
ReplyDeleteJim,
ReplyDeleteI love presenting an idea to people who might not have thought about it on their own. I asked one of my male students who was never married to read "Eat, Pray, Love" and see what he got out of it. It is very interesting when you attempt to relate to something that is not in your realm.
I always feel that if someone were to do what they wanted to do then there isn't a chance of "losing" themselves. As long as you are aligned with who you are and what you'd like to be doing then I feel that you'll be doing great.
I am reminded of a story that Wayne Dyer once related in a lecture I was at. The story is called "The Death Ivan Ilyich" by Leo Tolstoy. This was a man who was a judge but never enjoyed any of the work he had ever done. On his death bed, he asks his wife, "What if it was all wrong."
At times, we get caught in the doing and forget to stop and enjoy. I decided to stop and enjoy. I hope everyone gets the opportunity to stop and enjoy. Unfortunately, at times it takes a near death experience before someone does just that.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I truly appreciate thoughts that are shared with me.
Mary,
ReplyDeleteFrom Suzanne
I have to say that ever since we moved to Abu dhabi, by default, Fridays are our rest and family day. Since Elie works such long and crazy hours, and has only Fridays off....it tends to be the day that we set aside for him and do things as a family. After a week long of school homework, exams and activities after school I feel like it is a good break and we enjoy going to the beach usually on Fridays. It is really important For the kids to get the feeling that we need to set time for family in our lives.
Growing up, I remember sunday being a day that we spent with my parents and my mom always emphasized that we were not to make plans with friends on that day. I appreciate that now as a mom and hope my kids grow up respecting family time.
I do think. There is a time for everything in life. People ask me if I was going to work here and I say....how can I ? My kids need me so much right now and I have the rest of my life to work when they grow up....so I will eventually go back but I refuse to hire a driver to take my kids around to school, activities and so on....and hire a nanny to watch them after school so I can have a balance. My balance In life now is when they are in school, I do what ever I please and catch up on everything but in the afternoon from the time I pick them up till they go to sleep...I dedicate all my time to them! Same goes for this week's vacation from school....I know that I will not get enough time for me but I can catch up on that next week:)
Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteI totally feel the same way right now. There's a time and place for everything and I am totally enjoying the moment with the boys. Last night, we played Crazy 8s before going to bed and we had the best time. It's such a simple thing but having the time to do it is what makes the difference.