My son is in tennis camp this week. He is seven years old playing like a 12 year old. He’s doing amazingly well. He loves playing matches, he loves hitting the ball hard with his friends, his serves are amazing, his net game is fantastic … it really is such a joy to see. The only problem is that he’s got so many emotional issues to go with that fantastic game, that I don’t know how to deal with him half the time.
He’s so complex, who knows what he’s thinking?
I constantly joke that I need to go back to school and earn a psychology degree to deal with my son. He has been a challenge from day one. He’s super smart and extremely talented in everything he does, but he’s wound up so tight, we fear he may explode one day.
I embarrass my son, really?
My other little guy had a play date today with one of his buddies. We had to take that little guy to swim lessons and wait for him to finish. We thought that we’d go watch some tennis while waiting. It just so happened that my oldest and his team were on break while we were there. My oldest looked visibly disturbed. I asked him if something was wrong and his answer was, “Well, I don’t know if I want to tell you because your feelings might get hurt.” That’s when I realized that he was embarrassed by me. He didn’t want me sitting in the same area he and his friends were, and he certainly didn’t want me talking to him at all. He eventually told me all that, so I decided to move. I decided to move because I didn’t want to deal with it right then and there. I wanted him to go back to his lesson without falling apart, because he had started crying already.
I still don’t know how I feel about it?
I was very upset to say the least. I thought to myself, “If he doesn’t want me around at seven, what’s in store for me when he’s 14?” I’m writing this over 12 hours later and I still don’t know how I feel about it. When we came home, I explained to him that it wasn’t nice to be embarrassed by your mother. I told him that he was to value his parents and grandparents, not feel like he didn’t want them around. He’s displayed such behavior before around my mother as well. He said that he felt bad about it and he was sorry, but I’m not sure I believe him. I’m not sure that if I come around tomorrow during his tennis lesson, he won’t be the same exact way.
Appreciation is not demanded
Part of me feels like we can’t make people appreciate us or respect us. Respect and appreciation are earned or given, not demanded. Maybe I just have to wait for the day that he loves having me around, regardless of what crowd his hanging around with. Or maybe, I should give him the silent treatment for a couple of days to make him come around. Hmmm ... something to think about.
Your thoughts … I'd love to hear them
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You may leave a comment below, email me to mary@marysalfi.com or find me on Facebook by becoming a fan of marysalfi.com
Going to bed a little sad tonight,
Mary
When I was seven I forgot to bring my lunch to school one day and was very embarrassed when my Mom brought it into class and handed it to me in front of the other kids. At 14, if driving in the car with her I would duck if I thought my friends could see me as we drove past them. From about age 17 until she died when I was 39, I was very proud to be seen with my mom and I would do anything for her because I loved her so much. Sounds like your little guy is right on track, Mary. Casey
ReplyDeleteCasey,
ReplyDeleteI really needed this comment. I figured there was some normalcy to his behavior. I still got my feelings hurt though.
Take care,
Mary
My 6 year old wouldn't open the door for me when I went to pick him from his friend's house. He left me standing in the sun, sweating, calling out his name and his excuse: he wanted to play some more. I felt humiliated and unwanted. After a few days, I was able to understand that it was an innocent reason and not coming out of dislike or being mean. I did make it very clear to him though that was unacceptable behavior towards your mom. I think we will both remember this incident for the rest of our lives! But the bottom line is that he is 6 and I have very high expectations for him and sometimes it's not about him but me. I feel with u completely and I dread the day that the parents are going to become "uncool"!!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that's not what's in store for me next :) It's been a week since I wrote this post and he has mellowed out some since then. Thank Goodness!
ReplyDeleteHi Mary;
ReplyDeletethis behavior is definitely normal for that age! I went through it with my girls, my son was never embarrassed, go figure! My way around it was to make friends with their friends and buy them drinks, candy etc... So when I showed up on campus their friends would run to say hi to me and told my kids they're so lucky they have a cool mom! They are 19 & 16 and are very proud to introduce me around still!!! There is hope you just need to take the initiative!
Kisses to all Suzie Bader